The Bloggings of a Tigress

Moonshine

2012-01-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

Goodbye...

One of the hardest things we ever have to do. Say goodbye to the ones that we love. Though we never really say goodbye. We are forever left with a part of them in us. A piece that they left of themselves, precisely just for us. So that in whatever we say or do that little piece of them shows itself. We are then reminded of that person and think of them. Thinking of them often.

Though they may not be around anymore for one reason or another, they are forever with us in spirit.

Portraits

2007-10-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

I have never photographed so many people as I have within this year. With the youth sports photography and the photography class that I'm taking this semester... Funny, considering I'm not really good at photographing people, yet my instructor says he likes my portraits better than he does my photos of other stuff. If anything, I'm definitely getting a lot of practice.

And when you run out all your friends and their kids to take pictures of there is always the homeless people on the streets of San Francisco.

NorCal Pirate Festival Revisted

2007-10-08T15:51:00.000-07:00

Lab time this semester was cut dramatically this semester. We barely have enough time to get our assignments printed on time. Although, I've managed to fuck up on the first two assignments and have fallen completely behind. I'm supposed to be working on my 3rd assignment which is shooting 3 rolls of film. 3200 film shot at 800, 1600, 3200, and 6400. 25 or 50 film and infrared film. Printing 2 prints from each roll due next week on the 16th. I haven't even shot one roll yet.

However, I was able to manage to get some frames printed from the 2 1/2 rolls that I shot at the NorCal Pirate Festival earlier this summer. Not may, but at least some. I'm working on getting a flat bed negative scanner here pretty soon (yeah, along with everything else I'm trying to get!), so I can at least scan some of those in eventually.

Here are the prints that I did manage to get done.

Same Time Next Year

2007-10-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

It's been quite awhile since I posted last. Not that there has been a whole lot to post about. Been busy with work, photography work on the weekends, and now with the Fall semester under way, my photography class. Needless to say I've been very busy.

I still have no love life. Surprise! It's not from lack of wanting something, anything... It's more like all the men are either married or just your typical man who likes to talk a good game, but can't step up to the plate long enough to shut his trap and stop talking about what he says he's going to do instead of just doing it. Men like these I have no patience for and just irritate the fuck out of me. Like speed bumps they put in the middle of the road to slow you down. Just get the fuck out of my way! I've got no time for you. I just keep on going like they were never even there.

The past two months I was busy with youth sports photography. Managed to mack close to $700 during the soccer league season. That money will definitely come in handy. I was going to put all that money towards the digital DSLR I'm eventually going to buy, but it looks like I need to get new tires for my car. I already dumped about $2,000 into the bitch just at the end of August. Money that was meant for my digital camera. It was a sad, sad day for me when I had to put it all into my car. But as luck would have it, Nikon announced that they are releasing the D300 just in time for Christmas. I was planning on buying the D200, so it worked out perfect. Well, not entirely perfect. It's just going to take a little longer. I will still have to come up with all the money still, but at least I will have the new and improved upon version of the D200.

With that said, looks like I'll be dumping another $330 for much needed tires. I think I broke a belt in my front right tire over the weekend. My front end is shimmy and shaking more than normal, just like the last time I busted a belt. Only I never got a front end alignment so my front did a little shimmy shaking. At this rate, it may take me until next November until I'll be able to afford my camera.

Specially since I leave for my annual New England vacation next Friday. Looks like I'm going to be a little bit lighter on money for my trip too. That sucks ass. But, what can you do? Bitching and moaning isn't going to make any difference. I'm just happy to be getting away for a little while. One thing I noticed. My vacation always ends a day or two after daylight savings time. I know we set the clocks back an hour, so in all actuality we are gaining hour. But damn if it doesn't always mess me up when I'm home. It's bad enough that by the time my vacation is ending I'm finally on East coast time, I sure don't need that extra hour added on messing with me when I'm finally home. I'm looking forward to the New England colors and weather though. I can't wait! 11 days and counting...

Projekt Revolution, Part I - MSI

2007-08-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

My brother and I decided we only wanted to stick around to see Mindless Self Indulgence and HIM. Since HIM was the 3rd act on the main stage, they were the only reason why I paid $55 a ticket for Linkin Park's little music fest. I would have paid $76 a ticket for the good seats, so I could be that much closer to the stage to see HIM and to get closer shots of Ville, but apparently the second section of seats were the best seats available at the time of the pre-sale. Yeah, ri-ight. Bullshit! (Just once I would love to get really good seats in the first section!)

Because I had lost my tickets I had to go pick them up over at the will call window. After standing in the A - whatever-fucking-letter for quite a while, I was directed over to the customer assistance window. Then when I finally got to that window and went through my losing my ticket and calling them in spiel again with the guy at this window, he informs me that I should have stood in the A - whatever-fucking-letter window and told them my last name since that's where my tickets were. I explained to him that what I told the person over there was the same exact thing I just told him and they told me to come over to his freaking window. The guy was very nice though and got my tickets for me. He also happened to notice that they were actual seats, "These are hard to come by." I said, "Yeah. That is why I was freaked out about losing them. If they were lawn tickets I would have just bought a couple more." But I guess I should have been a little more thankful that I had actual seats, even though my view of the left side (my left that is) of the stage was obstructed by the stupid section sign posts for sections 103 & 102. Yeah. Uh huh. Very thankful.

My brother and I couldn't have timed getting to the show any better. By the time I finally got through the will call lines, got my tickets, and headed inside over to the second stage, MSI took the stage not 10 minutes later. Perfect timing.

Just like when we saw them at the Download Festival in 2005, they were fucking awesome. Little Jimmy Urine definitely knows how to play up to the crowd. Dance Dance Revolution, baby!

After looking at some of these photos though and seeing them up a lot closer, I didn't realize how old they were. I guess I just assumed that they were all in like their mid 20's or something just from how their crowd really seems to be the much younger set. (Well, much younger than me anyway)

I was looking at some of these pictures of Jimmy and was thinking "Damn! This guy looks like he's a total tweaker." He's got that whole thin, spun out of his mind for years that I look 50 instead of 23, tweaker look going on. So out of curiosity I looked them up further and looked to see when Jimmy was born. He was born just a year after me, in 1969. Well, hell. That explains a lot right there. Specially with all the references to the 80s pop culture, I thought they were a little young to be so into the 80s...I guess not. LOL Jimmy does look a little bit roughly worn though, and not just from age. I'm just saying is all. I'm sure the road is not kind to even those who abstain from putting any form of chemicals, so called pharmaceuticals, or liquids into their bodies.

Anyway, without much further ado, here are some shots I made of MSI.

Enjoy, Bitches.

Unfortunately, there was a lot of dust being stirred up during their set. Every time I tried to get shots of Steve, Right? a big dust cloud would then pop up and drift over towards where he was. This shot and another one below were the only two somewhat good shots that I was able to make of Steve. I would have liked to have gotten a really good dust clear shot of him, but it just wasn't meant to be. So if some of the pictures seem to be a little 'hazy' to you, you now know why.

Oh yeah? Proof it!

2007-07-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

I got a new toy for one of my cameras yesterday.

[At last count I've now got something like 16 cameras. But we'll talk about my camera habit in a later post.]

My new toy is a Polaroid back for my Mamiya 645 Super. A Polaroid? Yeah. And it's way cool too! It takes the Polaroid peel-apart 3 ¼" x 4 ¼" pack film that you peel away from the paper after its allotted development time. The whole process is pretty freaking neat. Snap the picture. Pull on the white tab to expose the tab for the picture. Pull on that tab, pulling it through the rollers, distributing the developer across the picture. Let it sit for 90 secs [depending on the film type], then peel apart. And waah-laa! You've got yourself a nice little Polaroid proof.

[I'm working towards experimenting with emulsion transfer. But I don't have all the equipment for that quite yet. I need to find me an old Polaroid Land Camera and a lot of other semi-expensive stuff for that. But it is on my list as one of the alternate processes that I want to learn.]

The Polaroid backs were used with medium format cameras like the Mamiya as a proofer. Before the digital age it, helped the photographer to instantly see that the lighting was good during the shoot before, and all that other good stuff, before shooting with film, and is still done today as such.

I've never worked with this particular film before [my Polaroid experiences have been with the instamatic film] and my Polaroid back unfortunately didn't come with a user's instruction. I bought it off of eBay for like a buck fifty plus $10.95 for shipping, so for $12.45 I'm not complaining since I rarely see one of these go for under $50. Loading the film into the backing was a guess and go, and hoping that I loaded it right. And but of course, I didn't! It wasn't too bad though. Thanks to Polaroid have a lot of documents available on their website, prior to all this I had downloaded and printed a document that helped me figure out what I did wrong and how to fix it. If only the instructions on how to load the film were explained a little bit more. But, in the end I only ended up wasting the first two pictures. Trial and error, but all in all, not so bad.

These are two test shots that I took after finally getting the film loaded correctly.

It's a Revolution... and it's upon us!

2007-07-27T17:50:00.000-07:00

Sunday the Projekt Revolution Tour is coming to the Shoreline Amphitheater in Mountain View. Linkin Park's little music fest, which of course they are headlining. I'm not a big Linkin Park fan, I liked their first album, Hybrid Theory and was one of the millions who bought it. But when they came out with Reanimation, I dunno, as much as I love remixes, they kind of lost me with that one. And Meteora, to me, just sounded too much like Hybrid, really nothing new there to chew on. I might stick around to see them perform, but I dunno, we'll see.

So then why in the hell am I going to Projekt Revolution then if I'm not such a big Linkin Park fan?

Good question. Glad you asked!

Well, I'm not a big My Chemical Romance fan either. I've heard of Taking Black Sunday and Saosin but haven't heard any songs from them. Placebo? Yeah, never heard of them either. Nor have I heard of Julien-K (giving them a listen on MySpace now, I like Kick the Bass, not too sure about the other songs they got up here though.), The Bled, Styles of Beyond... Yup, never hear of any of them.

Mindless Self Indulgence I had actually caught at the Download Festival, never heard of them until that day. My brother and I were actually making fun of them while they were playing cause they were terrible...but terrible in a good way if that makes any sense. The lead singer actually has a great stage presence that just works. And yeah, my brother and I ended up liking Shut Me Up. I mean, how could you not. It's a great catchy tune and it sounded great that day. MSI is one of those bands that you would love to hire to play at college party. In the end, MSI ended up winning my brother and I over.

Okay, so that leaves just one band left...

Oh com'mon now. Like you really didn't see that coming! That one was a given. Why in the hell else would I be going to this concert!? Why in the hell HIM are touring with Linkin Park and the like, though, is beyond me. They really don't fit in the same genre of music. But I guess because Him, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, and Taking Back Sunday are all on Warner Bros. Music makes sense on that aspect of it all.

Last year HIM was supposed lined up to play on the No Sleep 'Til Halloween Tour with Papa Roach, Lostprophets, and Kill Hannah. Again, another line up that I didn't feel one way or the other about, but bought tickets nonetheless just to see HIM again for their Dark Light release. They later backed out of it in favor of getting back into the studio though, which I don't blame them for wanting to do. But I was a ~~lot~~ little bummed that I wouldn't be getting the chance to see them again until after they completed the new album.

Well, now the new album, Venus Doom, is scheduled to be released September 19th. AND... I've already got my copies pre-ordered with express shipping so I wouldn't have to wait and will actually receive them the day of the release. Copies? Yeah. They are release 3 versions of the album. There is the regular version, a special edition version that will have a bonus CD with a couple of the new songs remixed, in a special album package. Then there is the limited edition version that will come with "a 7" x 9" size antique-style "leather" wrapped journal with 60 pages of photos, illustrations, lyrics, etc. and includes the full length CD and bonus disc with 3 songs in parchment envelopes and 3 "polaroid" photos, contained in a sealed envelope in the back of the book." A little excessive you say? Yeah. But guess what? I don't care. So… [sticking tongue out at you]

So yeah, I'm ~~a little~~ extremely excited about Sunday. I'm finally getting to see them again and get to hear some of the new songs off the new album. I've already been listening to Passions Killing Floor, bought that one off of iTunes, since they contributed that song to the Transformers soundtrack. And I've been watching the new video for Kiss of Dawn (also on iTunes), which I really, really like. I'm having high hopes for Venus Doom, already it sounds a lot harder than the Dark Light album, which I knew was going to sound too much the way it did. [Why is that for American consumption that when a foreign band finally gets their recognition and gets officially released on a US label that the record companies end up pushing them for a more "poppy, more radio friendly" album? Fucking record companies! Yeah I know, it's all about getting their money back, then some, on their investments. But fuck-n-a already! Let the artist be themselves. After all, that is part of the reason they were signed in the first place.] Don't get me wrong, I liked the Dark Light, I just thought it could have been a lot better. But like I said earlier, I'm a lot more hopeful with Venus Doom, so far so good. I'm not so sure about the album cover [pictured], but I definitely can't wait to get it so I can hear the whole thing!

Wanna hear the most fucked up part about this whole Projekt Revolution concert that my brother and I are supposed to be going to?

I lost the fucking tickets! I can't find them ANYWHERE! I tore my freaking room apart looking for them fucking tickets over the weekend. It's not like they were lawn tickets either or I'd just say fuck it and buy two more. Since HIM is on the main stage I bought seats so I wouldn't have to be so far back, plus I bought the premier parking ticket too so I wouldn't have to park out in the dusty boondocks. I have no freaking idea where I put them since they obviously were not where I always put my concert tickets so that I WON'T lose them. Ha! I called Ticket Master and spent what felt like forever and a day holding until I finally got a CS Rep. My name is supposedly on the list for the premier parking and my two tickets are waiting for me to pick up at the will-call office. Supposedly. I don't know how smooth this is going to do since I've never lost concert tickets before.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Shake, rattle, and roll.

2007-07-20T09:55:00.000-07:00

I get on-line this morning to check my e-mail, first scanning the news headlines on Yahoo’s home page. Apparently “An earthquake jolted San Francisco Bay area residents awake early Friday, breaking glass and rattling nerves, although there were no immediate reports of injuries.”

The earthquake hit shortly after 4:40 this morning and was recorded to have been located 2 miles east of Oakland, with a magnitude of 4.2. It was also noted that it could be felt for up to 10 seconds on both sides of the San Francisco Bay.

If I hadn’t skimmed the headlines I wouldn’t have even known we had a small quake this morning. This was one resident that slept through the bugger. My eyes lids didn’t snap open until my alarm clock started blaring in my ear at 4:55.

After we had our big one back in 1989 I had a couple of friends that live in New England that had asked me if I was a little frightened living in California with all of our quakes and with the threat of the “Big One” that has been predicted to hit us. Hell, we have so many little jolts that most of the time they go totally unnoticed. But unlike the people who live in states that have tornadoes and hurricanes every year, we don’t have to worry about having to rebuild every time a quake hits. We rarely get big ones like the one we had in 1989. As for the “Big One” that is still predicted to hit the Bay Area? I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for it to hit. If it hits, it hits.

I'm just glad we're not Japan. Now that is a country that seems to have a lot more big freaking earthquakes than we do.

Personally, I would much rather live with earthquakes than hurricanes any freaking day. But that’s just me.

Thar Be Pirates!

2007-05-15T09:56:00.001-07:00

Looking to do something a little different for Father's Day this year?

Well, if you live in Northern California I just might have the thing for you.

The first annual NorCal Pirate Festival.

Vallejo, California on the Waterfront June 16 & 17.

Best of all?

Admission is FREE!

My Inner Freud

2007-05-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

I haven’t seen my ex, Mr. Love, since July of last year at the wedding of some mutual friends. I haven’t talked to him since October, just before he cancelled his cell phone service. Yet that doesn’t seem to stop me from still seeing him in my dreams. Although the dreams about him have been less and less frequent. What it doesn’t stop, though, is how I feel after I wake up. Any dreams I have about him resonate in me, upon waking up, and last for the rest of the damn day. Quite unnerving, really.

It has been, what, almost 2 years now since we have completely broken up. Three years really if you count the year before that when we tried mending what was left of our relationship. You’d think by now I’d be over him, or at least my feelings for him. Then maybe the dreams wouldn’t be so bad after waking from them. Then again, maybe because the dreams are so infrequent now that when I do have them they catch me off guard. Which is just like him, the fucker.

Last night’s dream started off pretty much as they typically do with him, with me showing up at a house where we both have as mutual friends. It’s a party with all the regular friends, getting drunk and just having a good time. Although they partied so hard this time in the dream, that they literally brought the house down all around them. The house was just a foundation of rubble and everyone still standing in the middle of it all partying like nothing happened. Yeah, I dunno. Weird.

Only this time with Mr. Love there was a bit of a twist. In the dream he had moved away and had come back to the party because he knew I’d be there. He was back to come and get me. He was telling me that he had to set himself up and his seaside business going before he could come and get me back. He kept saying how he moved to the beach in Sacramento and set up his ocean business.

I can remember the who time he’s telling me this that there is no damn beach in Sacramento and that there was no way in hell he could set up an ocean side business since there was no ocean in Sacramento. He was so adamant that it was Sacramento; I even kept trying to tell him that was impossible.

He was trying so hard to convince me to come with him, to be with him, live with him there. I finally asked him what made him think that I even wanted to move to Sacramento, what made him think that I’d give up my plans to just up and move to be with him. He had this look of confusion on his face, like why would I even think of not wanting to be with him. Then the dream ended with the confusion and a hurt look on his face.

I heard through the grapevine that Mr. Love was thinking of moving to San Diego, which I can understand why I had him moved in my dream. What I don’t understand is why in the dream I made him so intent that it was Sacramento. Especially since I was so stuck on that, him saying Sacramento, that I kept thinking that he had to have had it confused with San Diego. I even think I said that to him in the dream, but I’m not entirely sure.

What I do remember the most from the dream though are the feelings, the emotions. The way he felt emotionally, kissing me, telling me how much he still loved me, so sure that I’d leave to be with him… The way he made me feel, when he kissed me, telling me how much he loved and missed me...

It doesn’t take a psychologist to analyze that particular part of the dream, the true meaning behind it. I’d be a big fat liar if I said a part of me didn’t want him back, because yeah, a part of me would. Which I know is why I had him feel those emotions so intensely in the dream. But realistically, in the here and now, I know that what we had, whatever it was, is gone. There have been times when I had myself convinced that he never really loved me and times when I believed in my heart of hearts that he still loved me and would want me back some day.

I know, I know. Hopeless! Pathetic even.

I don’t live in this fairytale world, really I don’t. I’m much too sensible for that. I know that what once was, is no longer. I’d be a fool to think otherwise. I do believe that the love we had was genuine but I have since let go of the idea of me and him a long time ago.

It just sucks, when out of the blue, I have my self conscience reminding me that even though as much as I keep telling my heart that I’m over him...that really, I’m not.

“If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t.” ~ Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass

"And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you."

2007-05-03T18:16:00.000-07:00

I can't get Maroon 5's Makes Me Wonder out of my head. Then again, it could be because I've been listening to it over and over for the past three hours. I kid you not. I can't help it, I just love the funky beat. It's one of those songs that makes you want to dance, even if it's only in my chair.

This morning before work I went and got my hair cut. Kathi, the woman that cuts my hair, so fucking rocks. We were talking about bands and she asked me if I was going to go to BFD this year. Just last night I looked at the listing of bands that were finally confirmed in the Live 105 e-news letter. Saw a few bands that I wouldn't mind seeing... Social Distortion, Queens of the Stone Age, and The Bravery, and maybe even locals Every Move A Picture...but I didn't plan on going, only because the one person who I know would love to go to this concert with me lives in Massachusetts. Other than her I don't hang out with anyone that listens to this type of music.

After talking with Kathi this morning though, it now looks like I'll be going with her and her husband to BFD. I don't know if I'll be able to make it to Ozzfest this year seeing as it is scheduled during a week day this year, so BFD might end up being the concert of the year for me. Yeah, I know. BFD and Ozzfest....two totally different sides of the spectrum. But that's me. I love just about all music out there. Variety is the spice of life!

Well, I'm off to huff chemicals in the photo lab!

"If I have to come back, I'm bringing a stun gun and a weed whacker."

2007-05-02T16:43:00.001-07:00

Did you miss me while I was gone?!

HA! Yeah, right!

Well, it has been one hell of a couple of months! It seems like forever since I was last here. Okay, so it’s been almost 3 months. It’s not like I have this interesting life that everybody wants to read about anyway. Proof of which will now present its self to you all.

In February a co-worker of mine came up to me and asked me if I’d like to go on a photo shoot with her as a second photographer for March 3rd to help her photograph the Marina California Pony Little League. I told her sure, but warned her that I wasn’t all that great. She said that it was pretty straight forward and simple and that she’d provide the camera for me. “Well, okay then. Count me in.” And I was getting paid for it! Sweet!

Since then I have now gone on a total of four Little League shoots, one of which on this past Saturday she sent me out to East Palo Alto to photograph on my own. I go back to EPA on the 12th of this month for the re-take shoot to photograph the kids that missed last week. I took my brother with me on Saturday to help assist me with all the parents, to make sure they had everything filled out and what not while I was photographing the kids. That didn’t quite work out as well as I’d hoped, but it was nice to just have him there with me so I wasn’t alone. I’ll be going it alone on the re-takes.

So yeah, I’m now a “Professional” photographer! HA! A professional faker maybe. But I’m getting paid to take pictures, so it’s not all that bad. The money I’m making with the sports photography I’m putting away towards the Nikon D80 that I’ve been coveting since it first came out. I’m almost $400 dollars closer to it than I was 3 months ago. Woohoo!

Speaking of money, the beginning of last month was the beginning of a nightmare. I had gone to the ATM to take $20 buck out. It was after putting in the $20 for cash wanted that I was greeted with a “Do you still want to take that money out even though you may be overdrawn?” I’m like, “WHAT THE FUCK? What do you mean I’m overdrawn?!” I KNOW I’ve got money in my account, because I haven’t paid my bills yet. I check my bank account on line and sure enough, I see that there was a $502 ATM withdrawal at the B of A main branch in Oakland. MOTHERFUCKER! And on top of that there was $150 worth of over draft fees from me using my debit card everywhere.

What ensued after that was a call to my bank to file a claim for my ATM/debit card being cloned. Then waiting for them to mail me the affidavit to file as well to verify the claim I placed over the phone. All in all it took me a little over 2 weeks to get that $652 credited back into my account. I had called and talked to the girl who actually processed my claim, and apparently in the past couple of months there have been an on going amount of ATM withdrawals from B of A’s all over the place from cloned cards being cloned onto like old hotel card keys. And there was an Albertson’s over here in San Lorenzo that had one of the credit card terminals used at one of the self checkout stands that was swapped with one tracking everyone’s card and PIN numbers who used it, for a month. For a month! Can you imagine all the card numbers they got in a month?! It makes me scared to use my damn card anywhere, as an ATM purchase anyway. Fuckers!

I have also got my own domain name now for my photography. www.teenamariephotography.com for those of you who may be interested. Don’t get too excited though. I haven’t had a whole lot of time to do anything with it except get my host and get a page up that says coming soon, but it’s a nice coming soon page. I used one of my angel photographs, Grieve Not, and used her for my home page and my business cards. My individual project photo lab class will be over in a few weeks, so hopefully I’ll have some time here soon to work on the site. I’m still not entirely sure of how it’s going to look, but I have a general idea of how I want it to look. Whether I can get it that way or not is another story. I’m a little confused how the CoffeeCup html editor that I got and the ftp and all that shit works, but I’ll figure it all out eventually like I usually do. It just takes me a little bit of playing around with it to figure it all out. If not, y’all will be hearing from me asking for help real soon! So be fore warned!

Uuhmmmm, what else…?

I found a really nice cemetery up in Santa Cruz last month. It’s called Evergreen Cemetery and oh is it ever green! It is absolutely beautiful! I must have spent close to 3 hours there just wandering around. From the front it doesn’t look all that big, but if you walk in through the main arch you can see the walkway continues back and up into the mountain side. It is surrounded by evergreen’s (some redwoods) and a whole lot of vegetation and ground cover (ivy, lily-of-the-valley, calla lilies, ferns, etc.). I even happened upon a banana slug which was freaking cool. Yeah, I’m a dork, I admit it. But I’ve never happened upon a banana slug out in the great outdoors other than when I went to Muir Woods and they had one out to show everyone what kind of critters are natural to Muir Woods. I took a lot of pictures with the digital camera, I just haven’t had any real time to sit and go through them all yet. You can be sure that I’ll post quite a few of them once I do…including the banana slug!

I don’t know if any of you remember me talking about the stray cats that like to hang out in my back yard…one in particular is a female cat that is not fixed, naturally! Well, last year she gave birth to a good sized litter, as did another female stray that hangs out in the neighborhood. Because I have a soft spot for cats and didn’t want the mama cats to go hungry I started feeding them, which of course once the babies all got old enough, they too started eating the cat food. Well, out of all the babies from last year there are 4 of them that still hang out in the back yard. Out of the four, two of them are females. And you know what that means… I’ve now got 3 pregnant cats hanging out in the back yard. Just last night I heard babies crying and went to check it out. One of the babies had her babies in the play house, but I think she is a different one than the three that hang around. From the sounds of it she may have 3 or 4 babies. Times that by 4 and I’m going to be having a lot of freaking babies hanging around. I think it time now that after the babies get weaned that I start trapping them and see if maybe get the babies off to the animal shelter for possible adoption depending on how feral they get, and get the mama’s fixed. It just pisses me off that I feel like I’m the one that HAS to do it. I know that if I don’t know one else in the neighborhood will, which really pisses me off because that first mama cat from last year…I know she has to belong to someone. I’m just real glad I keep my two girls in the house. They’re fixed, but I can just imagine the fights they’d get into with all the other cats. That is a vet bill I am happy to see gone.

Speaking of the back yard, now that it’s spring and all the rain…I’ve got one hell of a jungle growing back there. Since I’ve got a free weekend this coming weekend I think it’s going to be spent with the weed whacker. It’s definitely time for a little bit of spring cleaning of the back yard. I haven’t seen one of the Big Guy’s (one of the male strays) lately. I hope I don’t run across him as I’m whacking down the jungle.

Hope this find you all well.

“There is a reason that all things are as they are.” ~ Bram Stoker Dracula

Toy Stories

2007-02-15T17:35:00.000-08:00

it's been a while since i've really taken any pictures.

i've been kind of lazy.

but now it's coming down to the wire and i've got 3-4 prints that i have to have turned in the week of feb. 26th.

and you all know what that means.

i have to get my lazy ass out there and make some shots!

so...

with my toy holga 120 in hand, i've hauled my ass out into the abyss that is called the bay area. i figured i had this holga long enough, it was time to test it out. as my instructor says, "a camera that sits at home takes lousy pictures."

when it comes down to the wire, where does teena go in a pinch?

the cemetery, of course!

where else would i go?

i brought the holga with me when i went to vermont back in november, but only used it a hand full of times, so i still had half a roll left. the picture above is from one of those shots. it is the infamous haunted emily's covered bridge in stowe. it was nice to see it on the contact sheet after i developed the roll.

let me tell you...

loading 120 film onto the spools is a bitch! augh!

it took me what seemed like forever and a day just to get that first roll loaded. and i had two more to go! after finally getting that first roll on though, i was able to figure out how to get the other rolls on faster.

i'm just going to have to take more pictures with 120 so i can get in the practice of loading them onto the spools with no problem. i'm even looking into getting a mamiya 645 super. when i told my instructor i was looking to get he asked me why the 645. i said why not, i had to start somewhere. though after talking with him, he's not got me thinking about possibly going with the rb67 instead. i dunno yet. we'll see.

anyway, if all goes right in the darkroom tonight i might have my 3-4 prints done tonight. if not, i've got a 4-day weekend up in ukiah this weekend to get out there and get some more shots.

i'm off to the lab!

What's love got to do with it?

2007-02-13T15:04:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day.

Traditionally the day where lovers express their love for each other.

I never really understood this tradition.

Why should we set aside one day out of the whole year to show our significant other that we love them? Just so we can spend an absurd amount of money to support the economy? (Christmas being the biggest day of all days that defines whether we had a good economical year or not.)

Well, that's just silly!

This is something we should do everyday.

And I don't mean by buying material objects to express the way we feel about our loved one. Anyone can buy 'things' that supposedly says I love you. Saying, "I love you" isn't enough either. Anyone can say it and not mean it. It's their actions, what they do, that really tells you how much they love you.

What does your love do for you?

What do you do for your love?

Do you do this everyday?

It's everyday that counts, not just Valentine's Day.

You all might think I'm just being bitter.

"Bitter...table for one..."

Quite the contrary actually. I'm single and plan to be that way for quite a while. That's my choice. Last year I wouldn't have even fathomed the thought, but I know it's possible that there just might be another man (or woman) out there for me. Until then, I'm just going to take my time and enjoy what life has to offer me, everyday. And I'm going to enjoy all these days with my family and friends...MY loved ones.

Because, it's not just a series of 'one certain days' throughout the year that are special.

It's everyday.

Besides, I don't need Valentine's Day to know that I'm loved.

Harry is right

2007-02-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

Little Harry Potter's all grown up, well almost. Though he looks all grown up to me, by the looks of this picture! Not yet 18... Damn! I wanna see what's just down below the bottom of this picture. Is that bad of me to think? I mean com'mon... This picture really doesn't leave much more to the imagination. What I really wanna know is... When does he turn 18!?

Apparently, Daniel is causing quite a stir with this photo and others.

Anyone got roundtrip plane fair to the UK so I can see this play??

And speaking of Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling has finally announced that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the last of the seven installments, will be published July 21. WOOHOO! I can't wait for the new book to come out. Sad though, that this will be last Harry Potter book.

Since I don't have the means to fly to the UK to see Daniel in Equus, I guess I'll have to settle for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix that is supposedly coming out in July as well. After seeing this picture of Daniel though, I'll never be able to look at Harry Potter in the same way. I should be ashamed of myself. Really, I should.

Radcliffe stirs storm with pics for stage strip in `Equus'

Associated Press
2007-01-31

NEW YORK (AP) - "Harry Potter" star Daniel Radcliffe, who strips for his new role in London's West End revival of the play "Equus," has ignited a bit of a media firestorm by posing for racy promotional photos for the production.

The Tony-Award-winning drama tells the story of a stable-hand who has an erotic fixation with horses. In one photo, Radcliffe, 17, dares to bare it all alongside a white horse; in another, he is pictured with a naked Joanna Christie, the actress who portrays his girlfriend.

"Equus," directed by Thea Sharrock, opens at London's Gielgud Theater on Feb. 27. Tony Award-winning actor Richard Griffiths plays a pyschiatrist who treats Radcliffe's character.

"Part of me wants to shake up people's perception of me, just shove me in a blender," Radcliffe said in a recent interview with Newsweek magazine.

"It's a really challenging play, and if I can pull it off _ we don't know if I can yet _ I hope people will stop and think, 'Maybe he can do something other than Harry,'" he said.

Radcliffe, who was discovered seven years ago in the audience of a London theater, reprises his role as the bespectacled boy wizard in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," slated for release July 13.

Phase One

2007-01-29T14:00:00.000-08:00

Well, it's not really phase one, per say, cause then that would mean that I've actually set some goals or some sort of resolutions for the New Year. And you all know I refused to jump on the NY Resolution band wagon like so many countless others.

So, what is this so called Phase One that I'm talking about? Well, I decided that it was time to stop smoking, again. I'm hoping that this time will be the last time I wll have to do this. It was pretty stupid of me to start back up again NYE of 2004, specially since I had been smoke free for a little over 3 years, but I did and it was a 2 year downward spiral after that.

Today marks 28 days that I have been smoke free. It's been tough. I'm still craving them little bastards like hell. It's not the nicotine so much that I'm missing though. I'm doing this cold turkey, no patch giving me little doses of nicotine. It's more just the action of smoking a butt, having something to do. I find when I am on the phone is when I really crave them the most. All I have to do is smell someone who has just smoked a butt though and all thoughts of smoking disappear. Although it still doesn't erase the urges to have one.

So now here I am almost a month in of being smoke free, that I now feel about 100 lbs. heavier. Always a drawback. One exchange for another. Old habits die hard. Now it is time to move onto so called Phase Two.

The gym.

Today is the day that I have decided to get my ass back in gear and try to get my ass into shape. I'm setting aside Mon, Wed, and Fri after work for the gym. That leaves me Tues and Thur for my lab nights. I'm hoping this schedule ends up working out.

Here goes nothing!

All Saints Shanty Town

2007-01-29T07:14:00.000-08:00

I had heard from some kids that there was a cemetery that was kind of hidden off somewhere over behind Hayward High. The only cemetery that I know of anywhere behind Hayward High is Mt. St. Joseph Cemetery, aka All Saints Cemetery off of Second St. on Walpert. I had asked the kids at the time if All Saints was the cemetery they were talking about, but at the time of the conversation, I got the impression that we were talking about two different cemeteries. So yesterday I dragged my ass out of bed, grabbed my camera gear and headed into Hayward on a mission to find this mystery cemetery.

After driving up and down East Ave and Second St., stopping here and there to take a closer look at the surrounding areas around the school, I finally came to the conclusion that it had to be All Saints. Which was a little disappointing, I was hoping to find another cemetery that was off the beaten path and not on any maps. No such luck.

The first time I had gone to All Saints Cemetery, last year on one of my other cemetery excursions, it had seemed to me that All Saints was a cemetery that was always kept locked. Driving by the cemetery from off of Second St. this time, instead of from off of Mission, I was able to notice that there are actually two sets of gates to the cemetery, and found the one set open that I didn't see the first time. I was excited to finally be able to drive in and look around.

(Yea, cemeteries excite me. If you have been paying any attention to this blog, at all, this should not come as a surprise to you. I did however find that there is a word for someone like me. It's called a taphophile. Ha! Look that one up! I myself have just learned over the weekend what that word meant.)

My excitement dissolved as soon as I stepped out of my car and started walking around. Something just didn't feel right about this cemetery. I normally don't get an uneasy feeling while I'm in cemeteries, which is why I don't mind going on my excursions alone. I actually prefer going alone, but this time I didn't feel like being in this cemetery alone. I wasn't going to let that stop me though. I wanted to take a look around, to walk around the perimeter, which I normally don't feel the need to do, but something about this cemetery made me want to do that.

All Saints' drive way is in a U shape, ending at the other gate that is kept locked. The cemetery itself slopes down towards the bottom of the U, it was here that I stopped and parked. (I didn't even grab any of my cameras as I got out of my car. This was definitely not going to be one of those trips this time.) From there the cemetery has another slope that slopes down to a nice size pathway like along the fence. It was down this way that I headed first, where I noticed a slit in the fence big enough for people to come and go with ease though it. I walked to the opening and noticed a little way ahead a baby stroller with a plastic bag attached to it. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Why in the hell would there be a baby stroller out here, and who in the hell in their right mind would be back here with a baby in the first place?!"

I leaned in a little further forward through the opening in the fence, looking down the path to the right. It was then that I noticed a big red family sized tent that was pitched up. Everything that I saw outside around it led me to conclude that it was definitely being lived in. I didn't see anyone outside it, but I sure in the hell wasn't about to go looking to see if anyone was there. I did wish I had at least brought my digital camera with me though so I could have take pictures. I wanted to look around a little bit more down where I was though, then head back up to my car for the digital. Walking towards the other side of the cemetery along the fence (facing Second St) I noticed two more slits in the fence and more signs of homlessness. On the other side of the fence were two more make shift shanties. I didn't get close enough to see if anyone was in them, hell the fuck no. I did head back up to my car for the digital though. I had to at least take pictures of this.

While I was headed back up to the car I heard another car come into the cemetery. Some man with what looked like 3 kids in the car. They headed up towards the other gate, turned around then drove back out. I think the father spotted the make shift tents along the fence and figured it might not be a good place to have a little family outing. I, however, went to my trunk and got the digital, setting off my car alarm as I did so. It was then that I did see someone come walking over to the fence from where the big red tent was, looking to see who was in the cemetery. This guy ended up keeping an eye on me the whole time I was there. I kept an eye out myself, keeping an eye on him. It was actually quite unnerving knowing I was being watched the whole time I was there. Needless to say, I wasn't able to get back over to where he was to take a picture if the stroller or the tent.

One of the things I quickly noticed about the cemetery was the desecration visible everywhere you looked. Why anyone would go into a cemetery and vandalize it is beyond me. There were a lot of headstones that were knocked over and broken. In one of the trees I saw what looked to be part of a fender or door from a car. Now why in the hell would anyone put a fender/door up in a tree, let alone in a cemetery? I just don't get it.

Fuck was spray painted in blue on one of the trees, along with other verbiage. The same person with the blue spray paint, also spray painted 666 with an upside down cross on the back of one of the tombstones. Over on what was left of another headstone, someone had written all kind of crap with what looked like a blue and black Sharpie.

Seeing all of this just broke my heart.

I would like to go back with my toy 120 Holga camera and get some shots. With the light leaks, I think that cemetery would be perfect for it. I'm not so sure I'd want to go by myself though, which is a first for me. I doubt that any of those people that live on the outside edge of the cemetery would hurt me, but I definitely don't want to take that chance either. I felt uneasy in that cemetery for a reason. This is one time I'm definitely going with my instincts. Better to be safe than sorry.

After I was done at All Saints I headed over to Lone Tree. I'm still not happy with these hands. One of these days I will get a shot that I really like.

The Accidental Tourist

2007-01-23T14:11:00.001-08:00

Saturday TinyTima and I drove into The City for a day of adventure. We really didn’t have a plan, though Tiny did want to go shopping down in Chinatown, however little did we know that the day had a plan of its own for us.

We ended up down at Pier 39 amongst all the tourists. It took us forever to make it down the Embarcadero. We found parking with no problem, but at the time that we were headed towards the Pier was the same time that a demonstration was taking place. I’m not sure if it started at Pier 39, while working their way to where ever they ended up, but that is where they were when we got here. It was some kind of abortion protest. From what I saw, there were a lot more Anti-Abortionist’s than Pro Choice people. Personally, I’m Pro Choice. Since this is not a post on that debate, I will leave it at that.

Of course while one is down at the Pier, the viewing of the sea lions is a must. I didn’t even attempt to try and take any pictures from the Pier 39 observation deck they have. It was full of the daily lull of tourists.

After the sea lions we ended up heading towards the Sea Lion Café that overlooks, what else but the sea lions. We were seated quite close to the door and since I was facing the door I was able to watch all the people coming in. About 10 minutes after we got there I noticed this young guy with dark hair blue eyes. He ended up being seated at the table next to us, behind Tiny. Tiny had over heard him ordering, hearing is accent, she turned around asking where he was from. He told her he was from Poland. Tiny though didn’t hear what he said (she has a little bit of a hearing problem!) thought he said Colon. After I was done laughing my ass off I had to tell her, “No you crack head. He said Poland!” After all the laughing was done she turned back around and asked him if he wanted to join us at our table asking if he was here alone, which he accepted.

We introduced ourselves, though when he said his name I asked him to spell it for me, writing it on the table as he did so. (The Sea Lion Café cover their tables with white paper and have a glass of crayons for the children to keep themselves busy. I was drawing a cemetery scene when we asked him over.) His name was Wojtak, 26, from Poland, living in Vienna. Turns out this guy already has his PhD in like micro-biology, or some shit like that. He was down in Ventura, Ca earlier in the week for some convention. He figured since he was here he’d make a vacation out of it and came up to San Francisco.

I can’t even remember all of what we talked about, we talked about so many things about here and back in Europe. He spoke English very well and understood it pretty good too, specially since we Californian’s speak a slang all our own, he understood it all. We were sitting for so long just talkin that we ended up being the last people in the café to leave; it had closed early for a personal party.

The three of us ventured back to the front of the Pier where he was going to head back towards downtown, where he was staying. Tiny and I really had no other plans, I mentioned going to the beach, to the Cliff House and asked if he’d like to join us. Accepting we headed back to the car. It was while he was getting into the car with us that Tiny remarked about didn’t his mother ever teach him not to get into cars with stranger’s, which he laughed at. I had to admit, Tiny had a point. Then again, we were pretty much guilty of the same thing. After voicing that we though it was a safe bet to assume that we were all safe from each other, we headed towards the Cliff House.

Now it has been at least 2-3 years since I’ve last been to the Cliff House, but I didn’t expect to see what I saw. I was completely disappointed. What I was seeing was not the Cliff House that I had described to Wojtak earlier at the café. They had re-modeled the place! And to top it all off… They also got rid of the penny arcade that was down below on the observation deck! Augh, the nerve! I tried to explain to Wojtak what the place used to look like, but I know there was no way he could imagine what I was trying to describe. It was after he went inside to use the restroom that he said he saw what I had meant. He had seem a pictures that they have displayed showing what the Cliff House used to look like it it’s hey day, then again after the fire.

After getting some pretty good sunset shots we headed down to the beach. Tiny ended up breaking free from us and went off on her own. Wojtak and I just ended up walking down the beach talking and looking to see if we could find at least one sand dollar that was still whole, after explaining to him what a sand dollar was and what it looked like.

Eventually we walked back towards Tiny, then back up to the car. Stopping mid way up, looking down below at the Sutro Bath ruins. Showing him the places down below where there were caves, which ones were still accessible and which ones were closed. Briefly told him the story of how my uncle had to be rescued from one of the caves back when he was 13. Then explained to him why most of the other caves where now off limits and not accessible anymore. After that we made our way up to the car and headed back down into downtown to drop him off near the hostel.

In a nutshell, that is how I spent Saturday being a local tourist in The City. You are probably wondering if I got Wojtak’s e-mail address or something, to maybe keep in contact with. Nope. Saturday was just one of those random days that something awesome happens to you, which you can look back on one day and remember with a smile.

Saturday, was definitely one of those days.

Risks

2007-01-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

No, really... I am!

2007-01-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

I finally got my poor car back this morning.

And she RUNS!

I've missed my car!

Today is truly a bee-ut-i-ful day!

I shouldn't have gotten out of bed!

2007-01-16T17:17:00.000-08:00

This morning I go out to warm up my brother’s piece of shit ghetto car. It won’t start. It was so cold during the night that it drained the fucking battery. Just great.

So, I call my uncle up, but before I can get a word out he tells me he was going to call me this morning. Good news: he found out what was wrong with my car. The bad news: he can’t fix it; I’ll have to take it to the VW dealership. (I’ve been trying to do that for the past MONTH! But “Oh, no! I can fix it.” Since June of 2006 wouldn’t let me!) “Oh. Okay. Great.” I tell him, “Because now I can’t start my brother’s piece of shit!” He tells me I’ll be right over to jump you.

While I’m waiting for him to come over I call into work, again (I called in sick yesterday) and tell them I’m having car troubles and that I might not make it in today. Then I find the phone number for the VW dealership in Hayward; make an appointment to have my car dropped off today, via tow truck.

Finally my uncle shows up and jumps me and gets the ghetto-mobile started. I head to the gas station (leaving the car running) and put in some petrol. Head over to my Grammy’s where my car has been busy being lawn art, and call AAA to come and tow me (yep, car is still left on, running). Tow truck came within 10-15 minutes, YES! Got the bitch all hooked up and on her way to the dealership.

After finally leaving the dealership I head to Starbucks. I have yet to have my morning coffee. I get a call from my uncle though, asking me if I’m missing any keys.

“No.”

“Then whose keys are these in the door?”

“Shit! Mine.”

“Where are you now?”

“Heading to work.”

“Okay, I’m headed into Hayward this morning. I’ll drop them off to you there.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Oh, and about 4 hours ago my meds wore off and I’m feel like fucking SHIT! I forgot to throw some meds in my purse when I left this morning.

That conversation above? That was at about 9:30 this morning. It’s now after 5 o’clock and I’m still waiting for my uncle to drop off my keys.

Hell, I didn’t even plan on coming into work today. I just kinda ended up here.

A Grandmother's Love

2007-01-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

Grandmother hugs and Grandmother kisses,

Hot oven cookies and holiday wishes,
Attics with treasures of children grown old,
Stories of magic and princes so bold,
Oceans of patience and rainbows of love,
A bright ray of sunshine sent from above,
You stirred my childhood with rich, golden days,
Touching my life in so many ways.
When shadows are dark,
I reach through the night,
The love of a Grandmother shines like a light.
~Unknown

A year ago this morning I lost the one woman who meant the world to me, my Grammy. When most babies were bonding with their mother I was bonding with my Grammy. My mother was a very young girl when she had me, so growing up; my Grammy was my mother up until I was 4.

My Grammy taught me how to sew, knit, and crochet all by the time I was 5. I even remember having my own tin of various colored threads, needles, and swatches of fabric so I could make clothes for my little Dawn dolls. Dawn dolls...geez. How many of you out there remember those?!

My Grammy gave me a love for books. Every week she and I walked up town to the main library. I'd come back with stacks those little green Beatrix Potter books. Gawd, how I loved those books and how I always looked forward to going to the library.

My Grammy also gave me a love for the Greek. Every year she would take me to the annual Greek Festival, when it was still held in downtown Oakland at the Henry J. Kaiser Convention Center. I loved all the different foods and breads. What I enjoyed even more was watching the dancing. I'd never seen anything like it.

There are so many things that remind me of my Grammy. Even though she is gone, I know she is still all around me in all the things that I see and do. I miss her like crazy but I know she is happier where she is now and I know... She is never far away...

2006 Retrospect

2007-01-08T23:16:00.000-08:00

Unlike last year where I actually had a list of some things that I wanted to accomplish in 2006, this year I figured my aim would be nothing. After all, as the saying goes, "If you aim at nothing, you're bound to hit it every time." Yeah sure, we all set some kind of resolution(s) for the New Year. But how many of them do we actually reach? Well, let's take a look back to last year's, shall we...

1. Quite Smoking, again!
I did attempt this one several times over the year. In the end I always fell back on the motto, "Quitting is for quitters. I'm not a quitter." A lame ass excuse I know.
2. Lose about 50 lbs. (Okay, not really. I thought if I set the bar really high that if I didn't reach my goal at least I won't be disappointed.)
Yeah, uhm... We won't talk about this one.
3. Get my life back in order and out of debt.
I don't know what kind of order I was aiming for really, and as for the out of debt part... I think I am in a bigger hole now than I was then.
4. Get laid.
Okay this one I actually accomplished, not once, not twice, but three whole times! Was it worth it each time? Absolutely...not! I’ll get to that later though.
5. Get laid as much as possible!
Uhm, yeah…after the last few times, I thought it best to just leave things alone. It was a nice sentiment, but one that I knew was not realistic.

So after last years list of good intentions I decided it was best to just forego the New Year’s resolution shtick. After all, I do a good job on my own fucking up my life. Making New Year’s resolutions is just asking for Murphy’s Law to intervene. Now with that said, let’s take a moment to look back on some of those 2006 highlights, known as my life.

A week into the New Year my car needed fixing, again. This time I think it was the catalytic converter. Then, a year ago tomorrow actually, my Grammy passed away. January was already starting on the wrong foot.

February – Another death, this time Wenchy’s grandfather. Apparently I was also tried to quit smoking this month. Had the weirdest dream about Paris Hilton. Acquired a film SLR camera that I dropped, but this is when I really started to take my photography seriously.

Come June I had gone to a few concerts…Live, the Zumie Couch Tour,and BFD. By the end of the month though, my car took a shit on me. Well, more like died on me. Which resulted in me having to drive the Ghetto Convertible, having to rent a car to attend my friends wedding, and ended up fucking one of my ex-boyfriend’s not once, but twice. Somewhere in there I also fucked my old Boy Toy, who was also getting married in July too. I was being quite the slut. I ended up having one of the weirdest dreams to date that had a message because of it.

In August I turned 38. I still don’t know when I got to be 38. Time is just whizzing on by. I did buy myself the greatest birthday gift though. I registered for my first photography class and learned how to develop my own film (black & white) and my own prints. Fell in love with black & white photography all over again.

October brought the shocking death of Zenn. It’s been 3 months and I still can’t get over the fact that he is no longer with us. What still pisses me off about the whole thing is that it’s been 3 months and, as far as I know, the guys who were responsible for his death are still roaming the streets free. It saddens me to think that Zenn’s murder is going to be just another statistic.

I finally made it out to Vermont/Massachusetts for my yearly East coast vacation on Thanksgiving Day. I was hoping to visit with Drew while Erin and I were in Burlington, but that never fucking happened. I don’t know what was up Drew’s ass this time, but it was quite obvious he was avoiding me. Drew knew that I was coming out, but when I was there he wouldn’t return any of my calls the first night I was there. This isn’t the first time he’s pulled this shit, but it’s the last time I try and plan anything involving plans to visit with him. My new motto for Drew…Fuck ‘em! The one good thing that did come from my visit to Vermont was the picture I caught of Erin swinging on the swing set in her cousin's park.

I ended the year with the end of my photography class. I was told by my instructor that I’ve got talent. I told him that he probably tells that to all of his students, but that I’d like to think that I’ve got some kind of talent or I’m just wasting my time and money. He told me that I just need someone to give me a kick in the ass once in a while, which he is completely right about. But I completed the class with an A, which means a lot to me. I worked my ass off, with a little bit of laziness, but totally moved my ass to make it all up.

-----------------------------------------------

So now we’re 8 days into the New Year. My car is still not running and I’m still driving around in the ghetto’vertible. I think the transmission is starting to take a shit in that car. Nice.

I’m 7 days smoke free, haven’t had a cigarette since New Years Day. I’m doing it cold turkey. This weekend was pretty ruff, but I held out, fought the urge to buy a pack.

Next week my next photography class starts. I’m excited and looking forward to that. I can’t wait to get back into the dark room.

I’m just going to sit back and let 2007 come one day at a time. I can’t look into the future; I can only see what is in front of me today.

I (heart) Justin Timberlake

2007-01-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, so most of you probably have seen the censored version when it aired. I, however, don't watch TV, nor do I watch SNL. So, it's when things like this get posted to YouTube that I finally see them. I ran across this sketch last week and just about died. It's little stunts like this one that makes me just (heart) Justin Timberlake to death. I will even go so far as to admit that I even like "Sexyback". Yeah, I do. As a matter of fact I'm listening to it now and you know my ass is dancing my ass off in my chair. Yeah, whatever! You know you chair dance too, so don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talkin'bout.

All dressed up, ready for work

2006-12-26T17:29:00.000-08:00

Lately I’ve been sleeping through my alarm in the morning. I have it set to go off to a local radio morning show, Sarah and No Name. You wouldn’t believe the strange dreams I have from listening to them subconsciously while I am still slumbering. Those are some fucking odd ass dreams, let me tell you. But anyway, moving a long. I eventually end up waking up, with plenty of time to get my ass out of bed and get to work on time.

Only this is not how any of my mornings have been going for the past few months. I’m now usually anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes late. I lay in bed listening to Sarah and No Name talking about whatever random shit happens to be on their minds that morning, or to which ever guest they have on and falling back asleep. Yeah, I know. I’m a fucking lazy bitch in the morning. I’m a night person, if you couldn’t tell just now. Getting up in the morning is a chore for me that usually involves the hitting of the snooze button, several times, if I actually wake up with the alarm going off.

This morning was no different, only without the odd Sarah & No Name dream. I think I finally got my ass out of bed at 8:30. I’m supposed to be at work by 9. Well, actually by 7, but as long as I get there by 9 I can still put my 8 hours in for the day. Whatever. Keep your comments to yourself. If you could get away with it, you’d do the same thing!

So it’s a sure bet that I’m going to be late this morning, but that doesn’t make me get up any faster. I just remembered that my boss is out of the office and will not be back until after the New Year. I do eventually get my ass in the shower, clothed, and then off to work. After a pit stop at Starbucks for 2 iced vente quad soy carmel macchiato’s. I was going to need all the help I could get today.

I finally pulled into work about 9:30.

But something looks a little off. There’s only one fucking car in the whole parking lot! The CFO’s car.

What the…???

I even drive to the back parking lot where all the production people park.

No cars.

Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!

Fancy that, eh. Today was a holiday because of Christmas being on Monday. And I had no fucking clue!

Yeah...'Cause I'm special like that!

Well, since I was up and out of the house, I might as well go and run them errands that I was too lazy to do over the weekend. So I headed to Wal-Mart and picked up all the things I needed. Then I came home and finally balanced my checkbook (I had a month of receipts in my wallet) and paid some of my bills that needed immediate attention. I liked it better when my checkbook looked like I had thousands of dollars, but whatever. Such an eventful day!

So that was how my day started today, and since I ran across a survey called The Soundtrack To Your Life, I figured what the hell! I might as well fill it out and see just what my life’s soundtrack would sound like. It works like this: You put your iPod, iTunes, WinAmp, or whatever mp3 player you use on your computer to shuffle, random, or whatever your setting is…filling out the list from top to bottom. Fill out the first one, hit next on your player filling in the next song, and so on, without skipping over any songs! You might get a song that you’re like, “How in the hell did that song get on there?!” Tough, list it!

Opening Credits:
Naked Eye – Luscious Jackson

Waking Up:
Hungry – Dave Navarro
(Usually I wake up having to piss like a racehorse.)

Average Day:
I Ran (So Far Away) – Flock of Seagulls
(And when it turns on you, run!)

First Kiss:
Lips Like Sugar - Echo & the Bunnymen
(You know it, baby! I've got sugar kisses!)

First Date:
No Fear – The Rasmus
(Cause I’m fearless like that!)

Falling In Love:
When I’m With You – Sheriff
(LMAO, see I told ya, I’ve got some random ass shit on my iPod)

Fight Scene:
The Trance Is The Motion – Static-X

Breaking Up:
Down With The Clown – Insane Clown Posse
(Funny, this band is one of my ex’s favorite bands.)

Getting Back Together:
Hand of Death (Burn Baby Burn) – Rob Zombie
(I don't thing getting back together was such a good idea...)

Secret Love:
Sona – Dreamcatcher
(another random ass song, but fitting atually)

Life’s Okay:
Shaky Puddin’ – Soledad Brothers
(LOL, right on!)

Mental Breakdown:
Knives – Fuel
(Hide the cutlery!)

Driving Scene:
Mr. Crowley - Ozzy
(I'm on my way to talk to the dead.)

Lesson Learned:
Psycho – System Of A Down
(interesting…I wonder what they are trying to tell me…lol)

Deep Thought:
The Happiest Days of Our Lives – Pink Floyd
(well, I always had the deepest thoughts when I was stoned.)

Flashback:
King Nothing – Metallica
(Pretty much my life so far…)

Partying With Friends:
Revenge – System Of A Down
(Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.)

Running into an Old Flame:
Numb - Drowning Pool

Happy Dance:
Therapy – Ozzy
(Wow, this a different kind of song for The Ozman. Kinda funky, but it works!)

Regretting:
This Is The Day – The The
(How fitting.)

Long Night Alone:
I Drove All Night [Hex Hector Remix] – Celine Dion
(I drove all night to get to you…)

Death Scene:
Working Class Hero – Ozzy
(No meaning of the word retirement for me.)

Closing Credits:
Come Alive – Criss Angel
(Apparently it was all just an illusion…)

What's your soundtrack?

Holly Daze

2006-12-25T14:55:00.001-08:00

As a kid I used to love this day. What kid wouldn't? It was the one day out of the year that a big jolly man named Santa Claus came down the chimney and left presents. At least that is what we were led to believe, until we got old enough to know that it was actually our parents that bought them. I think like most kids I was probably somewhere around the age of 8 when I stopped believing in Santa. Of course, that didn't mean I was going to pass on the one day out of the year I was going to get presents, and it wasn't even my birthday.

I'm not sure when I became disenchanted with the whole holiday. It's not that I'm Ebenezer Scrooge about the whole thing. Though this year I'm sure that my niece and nephew would say that I was. This is the first year that I have not bought a single present. For anyone. It was a few years ago that I only bought presents for the kids. Only now all the kids have all grown up, from my baby brother all the way down to my niece. All are now respectively 20, 17, and 13.

I just feel that this holiday is a day that has turned into such a commercialized franchise. Not to mention a very tacky holiday. Every where you drive you see all these gaudy lawn ornaments. I drove by one house that had one of those blow up plastic jobs of Santa lying in a hammock in between two palm trees. And I haven't forgotten to mention all those houses (sometimes the whole friggin' block!) that are covered in so many lights that you can see them from outer space. Com'mon now. Is all that shit really necessary?

I'm not a religious person, so I'm not even going to go there. There are just too many religions out there and I'm not even going to try and pretend that I know anything about any of their beliefs. From a religious stand point, today means many different things to them. So, I'm not even going to go there. All I know is, from the time that I can remember; I was taught that today marks the traditional birth date of Jesus (even though it is unknown exactly when or why December 25 became associated with Jesus' birth). This is what I grew up believing as a child, along with Santa.

So just what does today mean to me, the day that has been dubbed as Christmas? Well, for me, today is a day just like any other day, except I don't have to go to work. Popular Christmas themes include the promotion of goodwill, giving, compassion, and quality family time. Which if you ask me, why? Shouldn't every day be a day of goodwill, giving, compassion, and family time? Shouldn't every day be a day that we show goodwill and compassion towards everyone, regardless if they are someone who is well off or less fortunate? Giving should be from the heart and not because we feel that we have to, or that some holiday dictates us to do so.

The same thing with family, every day should be a day to spend quality time with family as well. But if you ask me, today is a day that a good majority of people are dreading having to spend time with their family or their spouses family and glad to be back home when it's all over. Just ask anyone you know. I bet you'll find at least one of them that will have a story for you about all the drama of their day spent with family.

I dunno, maybe I'm just feeling the loss of my Grammy. This is the first Christmas without her here. Not that we really celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense these days, but we always had a dinner of sort and Grammy was always with us. Our family has dwindled down to just me, my brother, my mom, and my uncle. Only my uncle is still away for a spell, so it's just the three of us.

All I do know is that I miss my Grammy.

To modify, or not to modify

2006-12-23T22:50:00.000-08:00

For years my kid brother has been saying that he wanted to get his eyebrow pierced. Before he was 18 our mom wouldn't consent the piercing. I tried to convience him that he didn't need to have mom's consent, I could easily sign the consent form. Being the mama's boy that he is though, I couldn't get him to do it.

After he turned 18 though, I have no idea what was keeping him from doing it. Scared maybe? Afraid it was going to hurt too much? Who the hell knows! All I do know is that today he finally stepped up to the plate, and did it. Of course, when he told me that he was actually going to Zebra's to day to do it, I had to tag along with him. Not only because I was his big sis and wanted to be there when he got his first piercing, but so I can document as well. After all, what are big sisters for, if not to capture moments in time to embarrass you with later in life!

So my baby brother, his friend Jus and his girlfriend Sam, and I all piled into the car and headed into Berkeley. I with my camera loaded with black & while film in hand and Sam with my digital camera in video mode in hers. As much as my brother was nervous about getting it done, it was over in seconds. And now with the beauty of technology and the internet, that moment in time is available for replay. 'Cause I'm cool like that.

Yeah, I know. He'll thank me later for it. Like I said. What are big sisters for?!

The Piercing

Vermont & The end of Photo 50

2006-12-20T16:38:00.000-08:00

Last night was the last night of my Photo 50 class. Let me tell you, this crew is one of the craziest! There was never a dull moment in class or in the lab. This was one of the best classes, ever! Oh, and the instructor rocked too. Seriously, our instructor, Len Cook, was one of the funniest and coolest ever.

One of the best things I got out of this class? The friendships I made with my classmates and some of the other photo students that I met in the lab. Taking this class I was able to meet some of the coolest people and gained a few photography buddies. If it wasn't for this class, I wouldn't have made the new friendships that I have.

One of the other things I learned from this class? Photographers are the weirdest bunch of people I have ever met! Yes, will fit in just fine with the lot of them. Really the coolest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Deep down inside, they are all just a bunch of photo nerds, and I am proud to say that I too, am a photo nerd!

I have to say that the photo lab was the most kick ass part of taking this photography class. There is nothing like developing your own film and pictures. Walking into the lab, the smell of the chemicals the first thing to greet you...nothing else like it. You sure in the hell don't get that from digital. Nor can you capture that true black & white on digital. Then again I have yet to find editing software that can produce the same grain as black & white film. I have run across Alien Skin Software who has an extension pack for Photoshop called Exposure for $199 that is supposed to reproduce realistic film grain. I just haven't had the money yet to buy it and see if it does.

One of the things that we didn't end up covering in the class was how to mount our photos to matte boards. However, I wanted to learn how to do it on my own. All together I mounted about 4 pictures. These are the last pictures that I printed in the lab.

Got Pork?
Washington, Vermont

First let me just say that I know that the matte board border looks gray. I had to scan these mounted prints. The matte board itself is 11x14, while my scanner bed is only about 9x14. Therefore, the gray is the result of scanner shadowing from the the scanner bed being to small.

I ran across these pigs while I was taking pictures of the photo below. There were some chickens in the front yard of the next house on the road. I watched them cross the road to this little make shift barn yard, I guess you could call it that. I first saw a few turkey's just chillin', so much so that I was able to get in the face of one of them to take a picture and it just stayed there. I then noticed these pigs in two separate pens. The big guy on the bottom was in a pen with one other pig just a huge, and all the little piglets were in the pen next to them. Let me tell you, they were so happy to see me, as you can see by the one piglet climbing on all the other piglets. In their mind I'm sure what they were thinking were, "A human. Food! Feed us, feed us, feed us!" Erin was afraid that someone was going to come out of the junk yard house across the street and shoot us. We were there quite a while, enough time for me to re-load to get more shots of the pigs. I had to reassure her that if someone was going to come out and shoot us they would have already. I was laughing so hard taking these pictures of the pigs. I just thought it was great.

Fixer-Upper 1.5 Mil. Could Be you!
Washington, Vermont

Every time we're driving down the road where this house is, I always make Erin stop so I can take pictures of it. I'm surprised that out of the past 6 years, or so, that this house is still somewhat standing. If you can call it standing. The garage, which you see, is the only part of this whole house that hasn't started to fall apart. Then again, the garage is not attached to the house, which is probably why it still is standing. Part of the second story of the house itself has fallen into the first floor, as it has been the last few times I've seen it. One of these years I'll find this house completely sunken into or torn down.

The Old Mill
Barre, Vermont

I can't remember where exactly in Barre this was taken. It's located on the Corner of Main St and ??. I'm not even sure if it used to be a mill, but that it was it kind of looks like to me. Railroad tracks run in front of the building that faces Main St, with a little train trestle to the right as your are facing the building. I liked the way this abandoned building and how the river runs behind it. I took a lot of pictures of the front and back, but liked how this particular picture looked.

Across the way from the front of this mill, along the railroad tracks, is an alley. Erin and I noticed a bunch of vagrants down the alley. They had noticed me taking pictures and started yelling obscenities at me. One man in particular was getting very vulgar with me. As I was walking back to the car he was cussing at me, making hand gestures, then at one point proceeded to take his dick out of his pants and flap it around at me. I'm guessing he was telling me to suck his dick...LOL.

When I got back to the car I had a déjà vu of that entire scene that just unfolded. Yet, I know that this particular event has never happened to me before any other time I have been in Barre. I told Erin that in my déjà vu I ended up setting up my camera with my telephoto lens, going back to the alley opening and taking a picture of all the vagrants down that alley. I knew this is what I was going to do even before I did it. You're all probably thinking that I thought of doing that which is why I did it. But I really had no plans of taking the vagrants picture until I had that déjà vu and saw the scene play itself out. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you out there, but this was the first time that I knew what I was going to do next before it even happened. Usually it's not until after the entire scene plays out that I have the déjà vu and go, "Whoa! That just happened like I saw it before in another time." I've never had a déjà vu before where the scene played itself out before that particular moment passed, until then. It was a bit surreal really. I know I didn't explain it quite right. Let me just say that, for me, a déjà vu is how I know that everything that I have done is what I was supposed to do in my life. I can't explain it any better than that. You probably think I'm out of my mind, and you'd be right. I never said I wasn't weird!

So there are a few pictures from my trip to Vermont last month, along with the end of my Photo 50 class. Next month I'll start Photo 51 which is an Individual Project class. The next class after Photo 50 is Photo 60, but it will not be available until next Fall. In the mean time I want to still be able to go into the lab, so I thought I'd take Photo 51. Now I just need to figure out what one project I want to concentrate for the next class. I was thinking of concentrating on my cemeteries, trying new ways to photograph them, but I want to try something different than my ol' stand by. I dunno, maybe street photography, or night... I've got until the 15th to figure it out.

Ghost of Angel's

2006-12-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

A year ago today a fire took the lives of four children and an adult. My friend, Erin, two cousin's, Christa (8) and Mikayla (6), were among the casualties of that tragic mid-December fire that seriously injured their father, Arthur Foster Jr., and claimed the lives of his second wife, Kimberly Stoltz-Foster, and her own young children, Brett and Tory Stoltz.

During the summer of this year, Barre Town, Vermont redeveloped and dedicated a park in the girl's name. While I was in Barre last month E took me to see the park. One of my assignments that I had was to capture the illusion of motion. An easy task, but one for me that was becoming difficult.

Everytime I'd go to develop the roll with this assignment on it, something would make me completely fuck up the process and I'd end up with nothing on the roll. This happened not only once, but twice!

By the time I went to Vermont, this assignment was already about 5-6 weeks past due. It was while Erin and I were at Christa & Mikayla's park that I was finally able to capture this assignment.

Erin was swinging on the swing while I was busy taken pictures of other parts of the park. It was when I finally turned around and saw her swinging that I finally saw my illusion of motion that I was supposed to capture...Erin swinging on the swing in the park that was dedicated in her cousin's name.

This picture is dedicated to Christa & Mikayla.

'Cause I really wanna know

2006-12-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Since it had been awhile since I have really posted anything on here, I was curious to see where some of my visitors came from. I was really shock to see that just yesterday someone had searched fro me. By my first and last name, and that I go by Tiger Lady T! Not too many Teena's with my last name and goes by Tiger Lady T. (Is there???) Not to mention the fact that it was my maiden name, which I just took back earlier this year.

1 – Either someone has really been paying attention to what I have posted in the past and remembered my first and last name.

2 – This person knows me.

Now I highly doubt that anyone is really paying attention to what I write about here. My life is boring as hell, which my lack for not having anything to write about in the past two months can attest to.

So, that only leaves option 2 as the real mystery.

Whoever this person is, they are showing up as being from Hanscom AFB in Massachusetts (which I see is home to the 66th Air Base Wing), according to my site meter. I don’t know anyone that is in the Air Force, that I am consciously aware of. Also, there is only one person that I personally know in Massachusetts and I just saw her last week and knows it isn’t her.

“Well, you were just in Massachusetts”, I can hear you thinking to yourself. “So, perhaps it was someone that you met.”

Yeah, not likely. I spent most of my time up in Burlington, Vermont and I didn’t meet anyone new. Or anyone else for that matter! (Touchy subject, that one is. Would rather not get into that here. I’ll save that for another post.) And while I was actually in Massachusetts I pretty much didn’t do a damn thing.

So.

Who is this mystery person at Hanscom AFB who seems to know me by name?

Come forward whoever you are.

"...Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)..."

Don’t be shy.

I don’t bite.

Well, not too hard, anyway...

I wonder.

2006-12-06T16:51:00.000-08:00

Do you really care?

Still Alive...

2006-11-13T21:58:00.000-08:00

I swear!

Nothing interesting has happened in the last month. Life has been pretty damn boring.

I pop a blood vessel in my right hand though. Let me tell you. That hurt like a muther fucker! I managed to do that about 3 weeks ago... Yeah, I think it was 3 weeks ago now. It's all pretty much healed up, all the blood and bruising anyway. The knuckle where my index finger meets my hand is still a little bit tender, which I manage to bump quite a bit. Which is why I know it is not completely healed yet. The fucking bastard. All from my damn car door. I still don't know how I managed to whack it.

Uhm, let's see...

Oh yeah.

IN 10 DAYS I AM OUTTA HERE!

I can't wait.

I've been needing to get the hell out of California for awhile. Time for a little mini vacation.

So, where am I going you ask?

Thanksgiving morning I fly into Boston, Massachusetts. From there I'll stay a night in Rowley, Mass. Then the next day my friend and I are heading up to Barre and Burlington, Vermont. We'll be staying in Burlington for a duration of 3 nights and then head back into Rowley via detours through New Hampshire.

It's gonna be cold as a muther you know what, but I'm looking forward to it. Okay, not really. I'll bitch and complain about how cold it is once I am actually IN it, but anything is better than here for now.

I need a little bit of me time. And me time always takes place on the East coast.

That I am leaving on Thanksgiving? I could care less. I'm not going to miss out on anything special. Turkey day is just a day of gluttony and sloth. It's just a day like any other day to me, really. That I get to miss it by being on a plane all day, that's fine by me. I don't have a big family. It's pretty much just me, my mom, and my brother right now. Grammy passed away earlier this year and my uncle is away still for a few more years. But for all of you that will spend it with family, I hope you have a happy day being with all your love ones.

Senseless Act of Violence

2006-10-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Monday while I was on one of my breaks at work I was reading The Daily Review and came across this:

Man found shot to death in Hayward
Article Last Updated:10/09/2006 02:41:54 AM PDT

HAYWARD — A man was found dead in his car Sunday morning near the intersection of D and Grand Streets, police reported.

A Hayward police officer making routine patrol rounds about 12:50 a.m. spotted a stalled vehicle in the roadway near the intersection. After inspecting the car, the officer determined the driver had died from gunshot wounds.

A later investigation showed the victim, a man in his 20s whose identity is not being released until family is notified, had been driving along Alice Avenue when he was flagged down by a pedestrian.

Witnesses said the man pulled up next to the pedestrian and began talking with him when a second person attempted to open the driver's door and a struggle ensued. Witnesses said a third person then fired shots into the car.

All of sudden, witnesses said, a third person, who was standing outside the car, reportedly fired shots into the car, leaving the man wounded.

The man was able to drive away but later died when he reached the intersection of D and Grand streets, police said.

The cause of the shooting is still under investigation.

Anyone with information is asked to call Inspector Bob Coffey or Inspector JP Guimaraes at (510) 293-7034 or (510) 293-7000.

While I was reading it a feeling had come over me and I was praying to myself that I hope it wasn't who I thought it was. And for the life of me I couldn't even think WHY he even came into my head as I was reading it, but he did. He had wrote in his blog here on MySpace that he had be jacked by some guys just a couple of weeks ago. I was worried that something a lot worse was going to happen to him. Reading that little article in The Daily Review triggered that thought again. But there was no name of the guy and I was just hoping that the name that I feared seeing wouldn't be him after they finally released the name after notifing the family.

Tonight I went into Porky's and the first thing I was asked was, "Did you hear about your friend?"

"What friend?"

"You know, that weird kid that worked here."

"Do you mean Zenn?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"No. What happened?" I asked. I'm starting to get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach by this time.

"He was killed Saturday. Car jacking or something. I think in San Francisco."

Now at this point all I can think about is the article that I had read in The Daily Review, but that happened in Hayward, not San Francisco. I'm shocked nonetheless. Zenn. Dead? No fucking way man! This is freaking me out.

It was confirmed by one of the kids that works there that it was true. But no one could tell me for sure where it happened, when, or where. I had to leave. Needed to come home and check Zenn's MySpace. I get home and sure enough Zenn's MySpace page is now reading as memorial as all his friends are leaving comments.

I finally find his last name through one of his friend's page. Then found this at SFGate:

HAYWARD
Motorist fatally shot on street is identified
He was able to drive away after resisting gunman, died in car
Chronicle Staff Report
Tuesday, October 10, 2006

A motorist who was shot to death in Hayward after he was flagged down by two men in dark, hooded sweatshirts was identified Monday as Shawn Kimbell, a 22-year-old Hayward resident.

Kimbell and a passenger were riding in a Mercedes-Benz sedan on Alice Street at 12:50 a.m. Sunday when one of the suspects flagged them down and began to talk to them, police Lt. Reid Lindblom said.

A second suspect then opened Kimbell's door and tried to pull him out, saying something like, "Get out of the car," Lindblom said.

Kimbell struggled with the second man, who shot him, Lindblom said. Kimbell was able to drive away but fell unconscious and died in his car at D Street and Grand Avenue, where a police officer found him and his passenger.

The attack was probably a robbery, Lindblom said.

He asked that anyone with information call inspectors at (510) 293-7034 or 293-7000.

Words can't even explain what I felt after finding this. What I am still feeling. I had a feeling it was him when I read the first one only to have it confirmed for me tonight.

I hope they catch the fuckers that did it!

Zenn By Faerie

Shawn, known to all his friends as Zenn, dead at the age of 22. Over a senseless act of violence. Oh, I know why these guys flagged him down and I know why Zenn stopped. I'm not even going to go into that. That's neither here nor there. The point is, it was SENSELESS! No one, NO ONE deserves to die that way.

I didn't know Zenn well, we had met when he worked at Porky's. He reminded me of my ex in a way, with the long dark hair in a ponytail, tall and skinny. He had a great smile that lit up his eyes. A beautiful kid. I wanted to photograph him, asked him if he'd let me. He was all for it. We could never get our timing right though. I'm sorry I never got the honor of doing so.

Zenn will be greatly missed by all who knew him or paths he had crossed.

We will cross paths again...

Hugs and kittens.

Same Time, Next year

2006-10-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

This is the time when most people are beginning to think of warmer places to escape to.

Most people.

Not me.

Then again, I'm not most people.

This is the time when I long to be in New England. Where the trees are proudly displaying their ever changing leaves as they shed them again until Spring, and the crisp autumn weather enfolds you in its embrace like a lover you haven't seen in years.

This coming for someone who hates to be cold!

Yet every year in October, like clock work, New England calls to me.

Vermont to be exact.

Beckoning me...

Like a lover, whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

The whispering is making me restless…

Discontent…

Last year just wasn't the same. I went much earlier in the year and too many things were going on then, personally. Me going away didn't help one in particular any. Then again, I was trying to fix something that was beyond repair.It should've been left as it was…broken.

It's been a long year…

Even longer since I was last in New England. Its embrace is longer over due.

Time to get away, even if for just a little while.

Paris Hilton? Yeah, I don't THINK SO!

2006-10-06T15:26:00.001-07:00

Apparently with the picture of me below and according to MyHeritage's face recognition generator these are my celebrity look-alikes.

In order from left to right, top to bottom:
Rachel Stevens 75%
Alley Baggett 73%
Elisha Cuthbert 73%
Paris Hilton 71%
Cindy Lauper 71%
Scarlett Johansson 71%
Anna Kournikova 70%
Julia Roberts 70%

I don't even know who in the hell the top 2 are. But Paris Hilton?! WTF? Com'mon now! That is just ridiculous.

Apparently I've got a litle bit of the girl next door, who doesn't wear underwear, that just wants to have fun, lost in translation, tennis player, pretty woman in me. Wow, who knew!

Crazy I tell ya!

It's that time again...

2006-10-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is that time again. You know, the one where I post more of the pictures that I have taken and where YOU tell me how awesome I am.

Today I'm going to mix a couple of digital pictures in with the ones that I have scanned from darkroom prints.

This picture was taken a couple of weeks ago up at Mountain View Cemetery in Oakland. One of my favorite cemeteries to photograph. As I was hiking all my gear on over to the other side of the cemetery I spotted a couple that kinda stood out from the rest of the folks enjoying the day. It was the chick I really noticed. I mean, how could you not. She was walking around dresses up goth like and holding a black parasol. I walked past them and made a comment that i could have used her up at the mausoleums. I continued walking up towards Millionaire Row but as I was looking off to my right I spotted this big ole oak tree and had an idea. I turned around to see which direction the couple and wandered off towards. They hust so happened to be wandering my way, so I asked the chick if I could borrow her and take a few pictures. Of course none of them came out worth the shit, except for this one that I took in sepia. It was noisy as fuck but with the sepia toning it was just right for what I wanted to try and do with it. This is what I ended up with. (I also made a mental note to myself to find me a black parasol. Her parasol rocked!)

Her male friend also handed me a business card so I could e-mail copies of the pictures to him. I didn't actually read it until I got home. This is what it said:

BONE LASHES
Custom Made Bone Handled Floggers, Jewelry, Whips...
Bas Ass Shit That Will Make You Cry

I went to the website address on the card and found the reason behind the name. Apparently these unique items are made with real animal bones. Interesting. I was hoping to see some pictures of some of his stuff on-line but there were none. I guess you have to contact him if you are in the market for what he is offering. Check it out for yourself --> Bone Lashes

This next picture is also digital but not altered in any way. What you see is exactly what I saw in my display window. I showed this picture to a friend of mine in Vermont the weekend that I took it. I was asking him what would be a good name for the picture. He suggested Stairway To Heaven. I almost used the name, but I thought that was too obvious and wanted to sleep on it and see if another name would come to me later. Sure enough the next day as I was looking at it again Embraced came to me. Interpretation left to the viewer.

This next picture is one of my favorites spots at the cemetery. I call this little section of the cemetery Mausoleum Row and is what I have named this picture. This is a scan from a darkroom print.

These next two prints are also lab scans taken last weekend. This one was taken down at the San Leandro Marina as the sun was getting ready to set. It's also where the runway for the Oakland Airport is for all the planes arriving. I caught one of the planes as it was landing. I had a yellow filter on the lens to contrast the clouds more.

This next one was taken up at Lone Tree Cemetery in Hayward. A freind of mine took a trip to the cemetery to find a friend that we just found out had died a couple of years ago. After finding her nitch we walked around a little. I noticed this sundial off a little ways and thought it would make a good picture. Ironic since it symbolizes time.

20/20 Beotch!

2006-10-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

On Friday I had an appointment with an eye Dr. A few weeks ago I was trying to read a piece of paper someone handed me. It was all in small print. As I was holding it trying to read what that someone wanted me to read, I found my eyes were having a hard time focusing. I then caught myself holding the piece of paper farther and farther away so I could read the damn thing. First thing that went through my head was "Did I just fucking do that?!" It was late at night, I was tired. I had worked 8 hours then went straight to the photo lab to put in about 3 hours there. I was tired, my eyes were tired! That was my story and I was sticking to it. The person I as with was making fun. You wanna know what's even more sad? I can't even remember WHO the who was, or where I WAS at the time. Now that I bad! First I'm losing my sight and now I'm losing my memory. Well isn't that just the fucking bee's knee's?! WTF does bee's knee's even mean anyway?!

That may have been my story, but the truth was I couldn't forget about it. It was fucking with my head. Specially since I had given Wenchy a hard time cause she has to wear reading glasses now. I was thinking this was my Karma coming back at me for making fun of Wenchy. Yeah, I know...I'm fucking 38 years old and it's bound to be time that my eyes finally started to go. But that would mean that I'd have to admit to myself that I'm getting old. And I'll be damned if I'll admit that! Regardless, I caved in. I called the eye doctor and made an appointment to get my eyes checked. My appointed time? 4:20. How crazy is that?

So I go and get my eyes checked. I run down all the things I do to the Doc. How I caught myself having to hold something farther away to read it, how my job consists of my face glued to a computer screen all day, then school at night, and how I think it's because I've just been plain fucking tired. Okay, so not in those words exactly, but he got the point. The Doc tells me that I might be right, I've just been too tired and straining my eyes, but we'll soon find out after the examination. Then he runs down the list of family medical history questions of diabetes, high blood pressure, eye problems, etc....along with the personal medical questions of allergies, taking any medications, and what-nots. Now were ready to start the examination.

We go through all of the "Which line can you read going down to the smallest" bit. I was able to read the very last line on all the tests. Looked through a Phoroptor, a mask-like device that contains wheels of different lenses, flipping through all the lenses asking me which one I could see better out of. Then he put some eye drops in my eyes and did all these other tests. So far so good. Now come the part where he is sticking more fucking eye drops in my eyes. This time to dilate them. That was A LOT of fun. I think not! "If wasn't blind before I came in here I sure in the hell am now!" I tell the Doc laughing. I couldn't see a damn fucking thing in front of me. What fun! I really wanted to poke him in the eye when he shined that damn light of his into each of my eyes. Fuckin' A! How much more is is going to torture my poor retina's?! I should have read this before I went! He pretty much covered everything.

Turns out that my vision is still 20/20, although I am slightly far sighted, which is why I was holding the paper farther away from me. He said he could give me a prescription for a pair of reading glasses but I wouldn't notice a difference in how I see. If anything it would only help to relieve the strain on my eyes, if I wore them. Bottom line, I'm just not getting enough sleep and it is starting to be a strain on my eyes. HA! Just exactly what I thought! Thanks for confirming it for me Doc. Love ya! See ya, bye. "Do you have sunglasses?" the Doc asks me. "Yep. I never leave home without my Ray-Ban's."

The drive home... oh yeah that was fun. GODDAMN WAS IT EVER FUCKING BRIGHT OUT! Well, not really all that much since it was sometime around 5 by this time. But when your eyes are dilated though, it might as well have been high noon out there. Good lord! And if that wasn't bad, someone had sent me a text message, but I couldn't read the damn thing! I think I text back that I was blind but I'm not sure if it came out that way.

What was really kick ass about this whole dilated shit? Let's see... The computer was out of the question. Reading a book was out of the question. I couldn't even fuck around with my camera's or work on my mid-term. I couldn't do shit! I was left with one option. The TV. Only one problem with that... It was a little hard to read the movie titles I had just got from Netflix, so I played a little movie roulette. Now when I watch DVDs I always turn on the subtitles if the movie has them. Don't ask me why I do this, I just do. I think it has to do with watching a lot of foreign films, so now it's just a habit. Besides, I can't stand a blaring TV so the subtitles come in handy in that regard. Thank gawd the TV is on the opposite end of my room, I was still able to read the subtitles. They were just a little blurry but I could still make out the letters just fine.

All in all, not bad. I wasn't too thrilled about not being able to see for 4 hours, but now I know exactly how my vision will change once I do start needing glasses. But for now? I'm still 20/20 beotch!

Mi familia extendida

2006-09-21T14:17:00.000-07:00

It was way over due to go and visit with my extended familia. So over the weekend I finally went and seen my extended family from childhood and my Goddaughter. I've been such a bad Niña. It had been way too long since I had last seen her. Sometimes life just gets too crazy and before you know it, over a year has passed.

As always, it was great seeing them and catching up. It was even better seeing the kids. They grow up so damn fast! Caleb, Conor, and Keira have all grown so much since I last saw them.

Of course I had to bring my camera along and take pictures of them all. I'm still in the process of determining whether anymore of the shots came out good enough to make decent prints. Tonight while I'm in the lab I'll test a few of them and see.

Here are a couple that I did make prints of on Monday.

My Goddaughter Keria - she's sticking her tongue out trying to catch al the mocos running from her nose. Mmmmm....

This is cousin Anjelica (not Keira's mother). I've known Anjelica since the she was born (as I have Keira's mom). Even without make up she's beautiful. She looks good for having 3 kids herself. Her last one born just this year. She makes me sick! I just wish the shot would have came out better, more crisp. I'm really not liking this film!

Dark Light

2006-09-09T12:22:00.000-07:00

I am loving my photography class. More to the point, it's the darkroom that I am loving the most!

I've always loved black & white photos, but none more so than I am now. After developing my own rolls, then taking those negatives and developing a print from the frames... I have such a new found love for black & white. It doesn't even compare to digital. AT ALL!

I mean digital is fine for that 'gotta have it right then and there' photo, but I never really feet like "That is a great fucking shot!" as I am with actual negative film.

You're there in the darkroom.

You've got your negative in the negative carrier.

You turn on the enlarger, positioning the easel.

Raising and lowering the enlarger head until you get your image centered.

You put your test paper in the easel.

Now here is where you really get to see where your picture is in focus. You pull out the grain focuser, looking through the eyepiece as you watch all those grains come into foucus as you adjust the enlarger.

It's all those little grains that I am in love with!

You can actually see them! And feel them. Well, not in the physical sense of the word. But I can feel them.

All those hundreds of thousands little silver emulsions.

The Dark Light.

Then after to done your test strip, determining your correct exposure, and you've exposed your print, the visual results begin to appear as you place your paper in the developer.

Watching as an image slowly appears on the paper.

There is nothing quite like it. You won't get that with a digital black & white. All you get are pixels.

They don't even compare to grain on a negative.

I have fallen in love.

~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~

Tursday I developed an old roll of film I shot back in March of this year. I wasn't even sure what was on the roll. I wasn't surprised to see that the roll was one of many that I shot at Cypress Cemetery in Colma, CA. I was surprised that I didn't fuck up the development! I was also surprised to see that I actually took some really great shots that day with my SLR.

So, these are the very first prints I have ever developed on my own in the darkroom.

The first picture seen here is the very first one developed. This was the one frame on the contact sheet that jumped out at me. I decided to call it Keys to Heaven.

The second one is one that I wanted to see how it would look printed. It's not quite as sharp in focus as the first one, but it came out decent enough. That one I am calling Lion of Judas.

So these are my first try and developing prints. They didn't turn out half bad for my first try. I'm sure there are a lot of critical eyes out there that can point out probably a half a dozen things wrong with them.

But you know what?

I don't care.

I'm pretty proud of these prints.

They are my first.

You never forget your first...

~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~.~-*-~

Better in FULL view.
[Click on pix for full view.]

Keys to Heaven

Lion of Judas

I've always wanted a darkroom. After this, now I really, really want one!

In The Dark

2006-09-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

I have been a bit negligent of my blogging duties as of late. Not that my life has had any major impacts to it lately. Well, not unless you call turning a year older a major impact. But other than that, I've just been either too busy or just too damned tired to even know one day from the next.

My days are now consumed by work and photography. If I'm not at work then I am at school, either in class or in the photo lab.

My photography class is a trip. The instructor is teaching it without a course book. I'm glad I have both of the course books that the other instructors use for this class though. It makes it much easier to go back to them and reference if I'm not too clear on what the instructor just covered in class for the week.

So far I have already developed 4 rolls of black & white film and made a few contact sheets. That was a lot of fun, considering we were all going about it totally in the dark, so to speak. Not only were we in the dark when we had to load our film on the film reels for the first time, we were pretty much in the dark in how to do it. Just some basic instructions and we were thrown into a dark room to load the film.

Let me tell you. That is a whole lot harder than you think when you can't even see you hands in front of your face, let alone not being able to see where your rolls of film are and the reels to load them onto. I had a fresh roll of film that I had shot that same day at work and 6 other rolls that I had taken earlier in the year. I developed 3 out of the 6.

I could definitely tell which rolls were which as I was loading them. The fresh roll I had no problem loading. The second roll was one of the older ones, I struggled the longest with that one. After wrestling with that one the other two weren't so bad after I figured out how to deal with first one. I was surprised that I managed not to fuck them up too bad. Not bad for my fist time, ever, developing film.

The first contact sheet I developed turned out decent. The other 3 were a disaster though. I was just too damn tired and was not paying attention when I went to put the paper in the developing solution. So they all came out pretty fucked up. After that I just said fuck it and called it a night. There was no use in wasting any more paper.

I aquired a new camera to use in the class. I found a Yachica rangefinder on e-Bay for a decent amount. The picture up top is the one I bought. (Kind of funny, taking a picture of the camera with my digital camera.) It came with an external flash and a nice old leather bag. I was looking to get a Leica rangefinder, the king of all rangefinders. However, even a used one you are looking at spending hundreds of dollars. They are worth every fucking penny though! One of these days I will own one, damn it!

The Yashica is taking a bit of time to get used to. I'm not used to the focus on it, it messes with my eyes a bit. The weight of it is pretty heavy compared to the newer cameras that are being made today. Gripping it is a little uncomfortable. I know with time it will become like second nature to me. Until then I am just fumbling along with it until it I get used to it. It's the pictures I take with that little number that I am really looking forward to the most. I dunno, to me, there is just nothing like taking a picture with older cameras. This particular camera was made around 1973, almost as old as me!

Okay, off to bed with me! Hopefully I'll have some pictures to scan and post soon.

SHOWDOWN LANfest 2K6

2006-08-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

FOR AL YOU BAY AREA
PC GAMERS!
-
How much?
FREE!!

Three intense days of nonstop PC gaming!

Come by Parkside Hall in San Jose on August 25th-27th to watch hundreds of hardcore gamers compete in tournaments, show off their computer case mods, and revel in gaming glory.

Free daily admission gets you inside our packed convention area where you can play game demos, watch Maximum PC and PC Gamer editor clinics, and win tons of prizes and giveaways.

Meet the makers of the highly anticipated Supreme Commander and Battlefield 2142 games, and get your hands on exclusive playtests that you’ll only find here.

Check out http://www.showdownlan.com/live105/ for more information, and don’t miss out on the biggest LAN party in California history!

----------------------------------

Information obtained from the above website:

Event:
Showdown LAN - August 26th - 27th
Event Hours:
Saturday: 10AM - 9PM
Sunday: 10AM - 3PM

Where is the next event?
San Jose, California
Parkside Hall at the San Jose Convention Center

What will be there?
Sat: 11AM: "Beginer Computer Upgrades"
Sat: Noon: "Case Mod Contest Finals"
Sat: 1PM: "Advanced Computer Upgrades"
Sat: 3PM: "How to build a PC"
Sat: 4PM: "Antec - Product Presentation"
Sat: 5PM: " Supreme Commander"
Sat: 6PM: "PC Gamer PodCast"
Sat: 7PM: "Killer Network Card"

Sun: 11AM: Zalman Product Presentation
Sun: 12:30: Intl Overclocking

What Exhibitors will be there?
Patriot
Ideazon
ASUS
Logitech
Zalman
VUG
DangerDen
THQ
Corsair
ASA
OCZ
Antec
Crucial
EA
Intel
Newegg

Where can I register?
Registration for spectators is free at the event! There is no need to register before the event, just show up durring our open hours:
Saturday: 10AM - 9PM
Sunday: 10AM - 3PM

Note: this information has been tailored to fit spectators and guests for Saturday and Sunday. If you are part of the BYOC lan party taking place, please check the forums for any information you may need.

Unexplainable Connection

2006-08-15T16:29:00.000-07:00

Someone once asked me, "Why cemeteries? Do you feel something when you are standing there inside them and walking around?"

If you are wondering what this person meant by ‘feel’, it’s to mean something I guess what a psychic would feel. Like a premonition, or a presence of someone, or something. Hokie, I know. But that is the best way I can describe what he meant.

I do ‘feel’ things. Not in the, "You ever feel the prickly things on the back of your neck?" from the Sixth Sense kind of way. I do have a sixth sense feeling though. However, I don’t get any feelings when I am in cemeteries. (I’ve only felt anything once, and that was when I went to visit my grandma’s grave site to see if her headstone was up yet.)

I only feel content and at peace when I am visiting the cemeteries. I’m not rushed, just taking my time wandering around. Taking pictures here, taking pictures there. Sometimes I’m so absorbed in just the photograph aspect that I don’t even pay attention to the inscriptions on the headstone. But I always end up going back to the same cemetery more than once or twice because of that fact. Then find other shots because I’ve taken the time to read them and see them in a different way.

It’s an unexplainable connection. No matter where I am or where I am going. I will always spot a cemetery and I get excited and mentioned it if I happen to be in the same car with someone. But whether I am by myself or not, when I see them, I make a mental note of it and plan a trip centered on visiting that cemetery I just found.

If I really had to put a finger on it, I guess it’s the history that drawls me to them. This in itself is funny really, considering I’m not a big history buff unless it has to do with my own ancestors. Go figure. But you can really learn a lot by just studying the dates and noting who is buried with whom, and who is buried in what section. Every town you go to, anyone who has had any impact on founding and/or developing the town into the cities as we know them today, a good majority of them are buried there. That is if they weren’t taken and buried back in their home towns, such as Sarah Winchester was.

The biggest attraction though? Simple really. I find them to be very beautiful. When I happen upon the smaller cemeteries that had been neglected and/or vandalized over the years, it just pains me. The vandalism pains me more so than anything. I just can’t believe that anyone could be so callous to deface and/or destroy a grave site. The neglected ones I can understand, a little. I know that eventually a lot of the smaller towns, mainly in the mountains, were booming one day, then all of a sudden became a ghost of what they once were. I think it is those small town ‘pioneer’ ghost towns I am so attracted to for that reason alone. Well, that and the whole American Old West, Wild West, and the California Gold Rush periods fascinate me.

Cemeteries hold a whisper of the past, of days long gone. So when I come across a cemetery that is nothing but a fence and maybe a wooden sign, which may or may not tell you the name of the cemetery, or perhaps maybe even a memorial of some sort displaying a little bit of history of the cemetery and its residents, it pains me to see a place where the past was been wiped away, like it never existed. I came across such a cemetery this past weekend.

I just learned that there was a cemetery up in the mountain side of Milpitas, so on Sunday I decided to take a drive up Calaveras Road. I lived in Milpitas a long time ago when I was a kid still in grammar school, but there is still a lot that I remember about that town. It has changed a lot over the years, but I can tell you that I don’t remember a cemetery being up there just past the park on Calaveras Road. Once I got there I knew why I never retained the memory of it being there as I had drove past it before as a child.

I didn’t notice is until I was driving right past it. I saw the huge sign over the locked gates, Laguna Cemetery. I flipped a bitch a little further up, came back down and flipped another bitch and parked. As I walked down to the gates all I could see past the gates were very tall weeds and some trees. To the left of the gates stood a granite memorial, giving you a little bit of history of this pioneer cemetery and who is buried there. There is even a copy of a map of all 44 plots. Past the fence I couldn’t see any headstone or any remaining stone framing where each of the plots once had been.

Over the years the cemetery had been heavily vandalized, what little remained had been removed to preserve the headstones and the history. There was something in me though that wouldn’t accept what my eyes were seeing. There had to be something left… Some ghost of a remainder… The next thing I knew, I was crawling under the fence and heading in.

I figured I’d walk the inside perimeter close to the fence. When I ventured about half way in I decided to cut across. So far all I could see and hear where the wild turkey’s roaming the area and the horses up top on the other side at the ranch. Past an oak tree, some over growth, and the over grown weeds I saw it. The one remaining skeleton of gave site #13 (after looking at the map outside), the Millers. The only two remaining headstones are those of Mary and Jacob Miller. Jacob’s you can barely make out, while Mary’s is still very legible.

There are rumors that the cemetery is haunted. Surrounding residents and park Rangers have been noted as hearing moaning, crying and other unearthly sounds. All I heard was noise from the nearby park and all I felt was content. As soon as I stepped foot into that cemetery I felt a calmness.

I felt at home.

Change is inevitable...

2006-08-12T00:33:00.000-07:00

...except from a vending machine.
~Robert C. Gallagher

And so it begins...

2006-08-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

This morning I registered for a photography class at our local junior college, or better known as Chabot High, as we locals love to call it. It's only an intro to photography course, but hey, you gotta start some where....right?

Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt to learn a few things. Okay, so maybe more than a few things. More like a lot! I need all the help I can get at this point.

After all, someone once said:

Buying a Nikon doesn't make you a photographer.
It makes you a Nikon owner.
~Author Unknown

I looked to see what book this particular class is going to be using, but it is still undetermined, and class starts on the 22nd of this month. I'm just hoping the book that we will use is either one of the two I have pictured here. All the other day classes (I signed up for the evening class) show either of these two books as the selected course books, and I already own both of these books. I bought these books a while back ago, I thought I'd read them on my own. That never happened! So depending on what book is used, I'm already covered. Unless they really want to fuck with me and make be spend even more money an a book that I don't have.

Like the $109 just to register for the class wasn't enough!

Hmmm, and I still need to think about money for parking. Depending on how many time a week I will have to go on campus (other than the night of class itself) I'm not sure what the lab hours will be like. I need to figure out if it would be cheaper to buy a parking pass, or pay per day.

I guess I better start saving money for next term if I plan to continue to take all the rest of the classes within the course!

Hell, I'm already way ahead of myself. I'm starting to plan the studio that I want to set up and all the lighting, backdrops, and what-nots I will need. Well, if I'm gonna start getting people who are willing to pose naked for me, I'm going to need a place where I can do this and look at least somewhat professional. Sheesh!

Speaking of naked... I've already had a young man contact me asking, and I quote...

" Do you have any interest in photographing a
nude male who is inescapably bound with rope?"

Now I ask you, what woman in their right mind would pass up the opportunity to photograph a naked young man that you bound, inescapably no less, with rope?! Not I, that's for damn sure! *evil grin*

Class of 1986

2006-08-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

My 20 year class reunion is this weekend.

Where in the hell did the time go?

It's been 20 years?

Naw, it couldn't be!

That would make me close to pushing 40, and that is just not possible.

Is it?

One day you're finally turning 21, the next you are two steps closer to 40!

Oh, all right! It's true, there's no use in trying to deny it. I just can't believe that it has been that long since high school.

I was thinking of going, since I didn't quite make it to graduation, having dropped out in '84, my sophomore year. Then just said 'eff it, why in the hell bother. I just couldn't see spending $99 to see a whole bunch of people who most likely wouldn't even remember me.

Our sophomore year was the year that all of us Pacific High Vikings had to now attend our rival, San Leandro High. The city, or who-the-hell-ever, decided to close our high school. I hardly knew any of the SLH kids from that year. Plus I was hardly ever at school as it was. Not to mention the fact that they want $99 a ticket to attend the reunion!

For some reason Romy and Michele's Class Reunion is now flashing through my head. I think I'd prefer Grosse Pointe Blank.

Little Miss Muffett

2006-07-29T21:43:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you, I did not go seeking this one out! I found this one earlier this week quite unexpectedly.

This one was feeling quite at home with itself in a blanket that I keep at work. It's not a big blanket, it's just one of those airline blankets that I use to cover my legs up to try an keep warm when the damn air conditioning is killing me. I haven't had to use the blanket in a while since I was in an office all to myself and closed the damn vent so I couldn't feel the air conditioning.

Anyway, that is a whole 'nother story I could bitch about, but moving on...

I usually keep my blanket folded up and draped over my chair. Every once in a while it ends up falling down and bunched up on my chair. I'm usually too lazy to move it, but it was getting a little bit uncomfortable sitting on it the way it was all bunched up this time. As I picked it up and was folding it I caught some thing out of the corner of my eye that I thought looked like a big black spider. It caught me of guard and I ended up freaking out like one normally does when they think they see a spider and dropped the blanket. This bastard dropped down onto my chair mat with a little thud. I thought maybe it was dead from the way it just kind of body slammed to the floor and didn't move. Since I carry my camera with me in my purse, just for these kind of Kodak moments, I had to take a picture of it. After awhile it started crawling away. I guess it was just a little stunned.

I know you guys are all wondering. Did I kill the bastard? Nope. I found a piece of paper and tossed in in my garbage. I normally let them loose outside, but my office is on the second floor and I couldn't find anything to put it in to transport it. So I just tossed him in my trash can, which is under my desk right where my legs are. Yeah, I was hoping I wouldn't find it crawling up my leg later on in the day. I'm not sure what kind of spider it is, though I have heard it might be a wolf spider, all I know is from the look of it I definately don't want to get bitten by it! Specially if it is a wolf spider! The bite of the Wolf Spider is poisonous but not lethal. I think I'll pass on that one none the less.

So now I've got this bastard hiding out some where in my office. I know it had to have escaped the garbage can. I'm just wondering where I'm going to find the bastard next. Unless my office mate finds it first. I wonder if she is afraid of spiders?

I guess I'll find out sooner or later. Heh, heh, heh...

Thank God I'm Not A Pengiun!

2006-07-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days where you are just so tired that it's all you can do but to try and keep from falling asleep…at your desk?

I’m having one of those weeks. Although, today I’m really having a hard time trying to stay awake. Not a good thing while at work. What is making it even worse is the fucking air conditioning.

I’m one of those people that just can not tolerate air conditioning. My body retaliates by making my whole body feel as if I have the flu, while at the same time telling me in its own subtle way that its thermostat still works just fine. I used to have this problem when I was still over in our customer service department.

But up until 2 years ago, I didn’t have this problem until just recently. See, I had this office all to myself. I didn’t have to share it with anyone. Since I had this office all to myself, the first thing I did was close the vent in the ceiling where the air conditioning/heat blew out of. I then went even one step further by taping a piece of cardboard over the screen, totally blocking any cold air from escaping. I was set!

Now I sure in the hell wasn’t going to tell my new office mate what I had done. I wanted to wait and see how long it would take her to complaint hat it was too hot in the office. Come Monday she was asking me if it felt too hot in here. I said nope, I was comfortable. But I knew that I had to explain what I had done. Before you know it I’m looking for the ladder so I can remove the cardboard and open up the vent.

Monday wasn’t too bad since it was actually a hotter than fucking hell kind of day again. But come Tuesday the air conditioning was taking its toll on me. Today I feel completely wiped out. Even 2 Vente quad soy Carmel Macchiato’s can keep me awake. All I want to do is go home, crawl into bed and sleep. I have absolutely no energy, what so ever.

Am I the only one whose body reacts this way to air conditioning? I mean com’mon. This is ridiculous! I literally feel like I have the flu. My body is aching all over, my joints feel like they all need to pop. My eye lids feel like they weigh a ton and I’m having a hard time breathing, and my sinuses are making my head throb. And I take sinus medication everyday as it is because of my allergies!

All I know is that I can’t hang with this anymore. I’m going to have to ask if I can move somewhere else where I don’t feel like I am in an ice box.

What sucks even more? I still have 2 more hours till I can leave work. Today has already felt like an eternity. 2 more hours seems like infinity.

Summertime, time to head to the beach!

2006-07-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

Friday at work TinyTima asked me if I wanted to go to the beach with her on Saturday. I said, "Which beach?" I thought she was nuts when she said Carmel. I was thinking she was going to mention some where like Half Moon Bay or Santa Cruz. "Sure, what the hell. It's been a long time since I was last in Carmel. Ooo, they got some cemeteries there, we can hit one of them while we are there!" So we made plans to leave at around 8:30 the next morning. So Friday night I set my alarm for 7.

Saturday rolls around and I am rudely awaken by my alarm clock. There's just something wrong about being woken up by an alarm clock on a weekend. Weekends are to be spent sleeping in as long as possible, especially if you were out late drinking & partying the night before. Unfortunately, I did neither of those two things. But still, it's the principle.

I think I finally got to TinyTima's place a little after 9. After being rudely awaken, it was definately going to have to hit Starbucks first. I needed an iced vente quad soy carmel macchiato to get me jump started! Gawd I just love them iced carmel macchiato's. You should see the looks I get from them when I get two of those quad shot suckers in the morning some times! After getting those quads that one morning, I just can't go back to the regular ones anymore.

Anyway, we finally arrive at Carmel Beach. I'm not even sure when we got there, I wasn't paying any attention to time at all that day. Before I left the house I put in fresh batteries that I had charged a few weeks ago. I had a feeling about that though... We finally find a parking spot. With camera in hand we head on down to the beach. A georgous day for the beach!

We get down onto the beach and I see this bulldog fetching a a huge stick that is about two times longer than he is. Everytime it is thrown out into the water, he is right there fetching it, carrying it back onto the beach. He's just having a good ole time. I take my camera out to get a picture. I turn the camera on and I get a charge batteries warning and my damn camera won't turn on. Before we got onto the beach I had taken a handful of pictures up top, getting the view. The damn bastard ate up whatever juice I had in them batteries taking them few pictures. Now I had nothing left to get any pictures of the bulldog. I was pissed, I had a feeling something like that was going to happen. I knew I should of packed an extra set of batteries with me. Oh well. It just meant that we'd have to hit a store later when we'd go to get some lunch.

But I really wanted a picture of this bulldog. So after a while I decided to try again and see if I could get any kind of juice out of those batteries to take a couple of shots. I was able to get a few shots, only by this time the little guy was being ignored as he kept barking at his big stick to be thrown for him to fetch it. So all I got were these.

I tell ya, that bulldog with that huge stick was the greatest thing to watch. Trust me.

After lunch, with bellies full and fresh batteries in hand we head back to the beach. I had a great time sitting back watching all the kids, surfers, dogs, and people. Camera in hand I just pointed in this direction and that direction, taking shot after shot.

There was a little girl with her big brother and her father that came and sat in front of us. I couldn't help but to take pictures of her. She was just too cute. She was how I pictured what my little girl would look like, if I ever had one. I got some shots of her brother and her father too.

There were a lot of father's there with their daughter's. It was touching for me to see since I never knew my father. There was one girl out there surfing with her father. It was great just watching this little girl surfing. I'd always wanted to learn how to surf, and here she was out there with her father surfing like it was second nature to her.

Then there was this one little girl that looked like she was intent on digging her way to China. She had dug that hole so far down that she'd have to get up on her knees and bend down over into the hole to get more sand out. Her arm would disappear down into that hole past her elbow.

This beach was a very dog friendly beach. There were dogs every where! Every breed you can imagine. Litte Jack Russell's, golden Labs, black Labs, Dachshund's, Dalmation, Corgi, Mastiff, Border Collie, Bernese Mountain Dog, St. Bernard. You name it, it was there. I fell in love with the big ole St. Bernard that was also with a golden Lab. I later found out that the St. Bernard's name was Napolean. Cute as hell! And oh what a slobber puss he was too!

And of course, no beach is complete without a group having surfing lessons. That was fun to watch. You see the instructor making them do all kind of moves, which is funny to watch. Specially since you can't hear what the instructor is saying, so it just looks funny.

The greatest thing that I saw as I was leaving though was what I spied etched into the side of one of the boulders down on the beach. It was a poor rendition of what it was supposed to be, but it was a heartagram none the less. For those who don't know what that is, it is a symbol from my favorite band HIM. It may not mean anything to you, but it means something to me. I don't see many heartagrams 'tagged' anywhere, and this is the last place I'd ever thought I'd see one. So I just had to take a picture of it.

All in all it was a great day. What a better way to spend the day lazin' about, than at the beach!

In case you were wondering. I never made it the cemeteries that day. But there is always next time!

These are the shots that I ended up with from that day.

Member of boy band gay? Now that's a shocker!

2006-07-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday’s celebrity news was that Lance Bass has finally come out of the closet, announcing that he is gay and in a stable relationship.

Stop the presses!

You’re shittin’ me?!

Lance Bass is GAY?? That guy from ‘N Sync, right?

Now that’s a shocker!

But seriously, what is the big deal? Why did he wait until now to come out of the closet? He told People magazine that he didn't earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn't want to affect the group's popularity.

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” says Lance.

Hello, a popular BOY band! Did he really think that there hadn’t already been talk amongst the masses wonder who was gay and who wasn’t? ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys were all fodder in the ‘Who do you think is gay?” game. I highly doubt that his ‘coming out’ would have affected the group’s popularity had he come out then.

I’m sure the gay community is embracing their newest celebrity member, but really… Do you really think anyone cares about Lance coming out of the closet?

Really. Who cares? Okay, so the ones who would care are all the small minded people who think that it's wrong and a sin. Like their small underdeveloped minds and opinions matter, at all. They don’t count, so that group is null and void of having anything worth while to say on the matter.

I'm still holding out for Justin to rejoice and embrace his true sexuality, and come hauling ass out of that closet.

I am sure the entire gay community is feelin' me on this one.

It's Aloha Friday!

2006-07-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when co-workers bring in crazy little things like these. I take pictures of them and make stuipd shit like this! :o)

Put on your coconut shell bra, grass skirt, your flip flops, get yourself leid and grab yourself a tropical drink with an umbrella in it...

Ink Me, Please!

2006-07-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

This is going to be my next tattoo. It is my favorite picture of my grammy, it has been ever since I was a little girl. From the 40s to the 50s, just the way women dressed and wore their hair, I can't explain it... It's just one of the eras that I love. I especailly love the 40s platform shoes from this time period! I think it's from the whole pin-up thing, I love pin-ups too.

Before my grammy passed away earlier this year, one of the things that she and my mother talked about was of one of the tattoos that I have on my lower back. My mom hates it, she hates all my tattoos, but my grammy loved it. She even told my mother that she thought it was beautiful and for my mother to just get over it. That's my grammy! She was pretty open minded about a lot things, yet so set her her own ways. I miss her everyday. What a better way to honor my grammy than to get a tattoo in memory of her!

Now the only thing that I haven't been able to decide on is where I want to put it. I've got so many ideas of all the other tattoos that I want to get, it's just so hard to decide on where I want to have my grammy's portrait put. I was thinking on one of my arms, high up. But I just don't know, yet that is the only place I can think of since I've got pretty much the rest of my body already taken for other tatts that I want to eventually get. Augh! Decisions, decisions...

Now for who I want to have do it is a whole 'nother dilemma. After watching a Miami Ink marathon a few weeks ago, there is no question in my mind that Kat Von D is fucking bad ass when it comes to doing portraits. Her black and gray, single needle work is just fucking awesome. For me there is no one else I'd want to have do it. Being able to get her I'm sure is hard as hell though. She's going to be at the San Jose Tattoo Convention October 20-22, but you know she is already all booked up. Shit, this chick is not hurting for work!

I guess all I can do right now is start saving up the green and try contacting her through her website and try and catch her when she is down in LA, or hopefully another tattoo convention near here. Although, it would be kick ass to make it onto Miami Ink. I seen that Miami Ink is hostingan open casting call at Red Sky Bar in NYC on June 24th from 12pm - 4pm. You can fill out an application here. That would be bad ass, and if I was just so happening to be taking my vacation in a few days in NYC I'd give it a shot, even though I know I'd have no chance in hell getting picked. Hell, even if I got picked I wouldn't have the money to pay for the airfare to Miami and a hotel room. All expenses, from the tattoo to your travel and accommodations, are all on you.

But let's just dream awhile and say that said opportunity knocked on my door. How fucking bad ass would that be?! Ami is pretty fucking hot, as is Kat herself.

Okay, back to the real world.

Just to keep my options open though, if anyone out there knows of a kick as tattoo artist that also does very good single needle, black and gray portraits that is anywhere in the San Francisco Bay Area (or San Jose area), let me know! I would love to go check them out, see their work, talk to 'em, and get a feel for 'em. I just might change my mind and go for a local artist. And if you know anyone who's specialty is dragons (also single needle, back and gray) definately let me know. I've also been on the hunt for a kick ass dragon for a couple of years now.

Photoshop Elements 101

2006-07-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd play around with Elements today and make a new logo that I had on my MySpace profile that linked to where I have my photography at deviantART.com. The other one I was using was just too damn ugly.

I knew there was a way for me to use the cookie cutter function and leave the rest of the cut out background transparent. My problem was I was just being too lazy to figure it out. Well today I finally figured it out. It was so damn easy that I should be slapped. It's amazing how there is that little Help function actually works!

It's not the best of logos, but hey, I was experimenting. What the hell more do you want from me!? Now that I partially know what the hell I am doing, I might experiment even more and see what I can come up with. Might being the keyword here... It'll get done one of these days, eventually.

What have you learned today?

2006-07-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

I've learned that you should always keep a backup copy stored of your template!

Well, I've managed to fix most of what was missing. I can't remember all the the crap I had over on the side, so this is going to have to do. For now.

Blogger Dyslexia

2006-07-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I decided to update my music player. It was definately time for a new variety of music.

I was having a bit of a problem getting all of the songs to upload right to the mp3 player. After numerous trys, then just saying fuck it and starting all over from scratch again, I finally got them uploaded right.

You think that would have been my first clue that things just weren't going to be going right for me, at all.

Nope!

It wasn't until AFTER I saved my template changes that I noticed that my blog just didn't look right. WTF?! Over half of my side bar was GONE!

WHAT! THE! FUCK!

So back into my template again to see just what the fuck the malfuntion was.

OH! YOU'VE! GOT! TO! BE! KIDDING! ME!

The whole bottom half of my template is gone. GONE!

Somehow I accidently deleted the whole bottom half of my template without knowing just before I saved. Now I am missing not only my recent post listing, but my archive links, my favorite blogs that I like to read, and everything else. Now the question is, will I be able to find all my favorite bloggers sites again? I didn't have any of them saved in my 'favorites'.

I can see that I'm going to be up late working on my damn template when I get home from work. I was hoping to make tonight an early night. I've been getting to bed too late lately as it is. I'm barely waking up in time without rolling into work late.

I guess that jut got pissed right on out the window!

Message From Another Realm

2006-07-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

I had a strange dream last night that had a message to it. I’m sure I can guess why I had the dream, but who was in the dream I still can’t figure out. I haven’t even watched anything lately with him in it. Hell, I fell asleep last night watching Snatch! So WTF?!?

Hmmm, can you guess who?! Yes. The main person in my dream was Adrian Grenier, of all people. Not that I’m complaining, he’s a good enough looking guy. I actually quite like him. But the dream itself was just weird!

It started off with me and a friend (what friend of mine it was I have no fucking clue. Dreams are good at being vague like that!) were attending some kind of function that Live 105 or Alice was having. It seemed to be like a meet and greet function, of what kind, I couldn’t even tell you. All I know is that Adrian was there to meet and greet, of course, his fans. Hell, it might have even been an Entourage type of thing. No fucking clue!

It was held at a place similar to The Fillmore, but completely different, if you know what I mean. Dreams are funny like that! Anyway, my friend and I show up just as Adrian was walking out to his table. As I was getting ready to walk over to the table our eyes locked. I was mesmerized by his eyes. I couldn’t stop looking into them. They were the strangest blue-grey I’d ever seen. I can remember thinking to myself that the color of his eyes were going to have a much deeper meaning to me, that would come into play later on in the dream. All I knew at that moment was that he and I were now forever connected in a way that was mystery.

Eyes locked, I am being pulled and start walking towards him. He’s smiling that big smile of his, right at me, and looking at me as if I was the only person in the world. (Yeah, don’t I wish shit like that really happens! LOL) I’m vaguely aware of my friend by my side. I get to the table and our eyes are still locked on just each other and smiling as if we were the two craziest people in the world. We start talking. I remember mention something about Entourage to him and he just smiles even more at me. I ask him if we can take some pictures together. “Of course. Anything you want”, he says. “Anything?” I flirt back at him. “Anything!” he says with a smile. I’m done! If he asked me to do anything I wouldn’t question it and just do it!

However I must be able to function in some kind of mental capacity because I realize that I don’t have my camera on me. I left it in my purse, which I was able to put in a safe place somewhere at this venue we were at. I ask my friend if she can go get it for me, which she then walks off to do. She comes back a little while later and says she can’t find it. So now I’m thinking that I’m gonna have to go find it myself. Great! He told me to go ahead and go look for it, that he would still be there waiting for me. He’s looking into my eyes with those damn eyes of his, just pulling me into him. Then leans into me and gives me a lingering kiss on my cheek. That’s it! I’m his, completely!

My friend asked me if I was sure I had left it where I had said I did. I’m frantically telling her, “Yeah! I know I fucking left it here! Someone must have moved it, the bastard!” So now I’m running around this place that has so many fucking floors, trying to find my fucking purse. This seems like an eternity! But I eventually find it and haul ass back down to where Adrian was waiting for me.

As soon as I get him in my sights I see he is getting ready to leave. I hurry over to where he is and ask him if he’d still take some pictures with me. “Of course!” he says to me, and tells me to follow him. He starts walking to the parking garage; I’m a little bit behind him, talking with my friend. Saying how we can’t believe we are going to hang out with Adrian. Just as I turn my attention back to him I see him disappear around a corner. I yell, “Todd! Todd, wait up!” (Yeah, I dunno why, but his name was fucking Todd in the dream. It’s a dream, who in the hell knows why we dream the shit we dream. They just happen that way.) I can hear him calling back to me, “Com’mon!”

Now being as most dreams make no sense in they way the go, the next thing I know I catch up to him and were are no longer in the parking garage. We ended up crossing over into an area with grass, trees, and walkways that looked like we were now on some kind of huge college campus. There were students every where, going here and there. It’s just me and him now; my friend just kind of vanished.

Adrian (Todd) was in a very playful mood, and we were running round just having a good time. The next thing I know we are with a bunch of sorority chicks and fraternity guys that were on their way to some kind of table they had set up for something. Adrian takes off with them and I’m trying to keep up. I finally catch up to him and the sorority/frat kids at their table. Or at least I thought I caught up to him. I realize that he’s not with them and begin looking around for him and see that he slipped off another way. I see him and he’s laughing, telling me to “Com’mon!”

I catch up to him again and the next thing I know we are completely alone. It was like everybody just vanished (along with my friend). It was now turning to dusk. I remember looking up the sky and thinking that the sky had changed. Everything now had a surreal look. I then knew that this was the moment that I was waiting for. There was something about him that enabled him to change things, it was his eyes. But why me?

The next thing I knew he was talking to me, telling all kind of things about this and that. They all had to do with love and sex. All the while I’m listening to him he’s changing me. Turning me into another person. I can’t explain it, but I know I am not the same person I just was.

I take off running. He’s following me. I’m not sure where I’m running to, but I have a specific destination in mind. I end up in the French Quarter of New Orleans. I then turn down an ally between two of the buildings to the back side of a brothel/strip club. I work here. I run through the courtyard and start to run up the stairs as they wind their way up three stories. I stop about mid way up. I know that he has followed me here, I can see him watching me from down in the courtyard.

I’m hardly wearing any cloths. I’m in all white lingerie. I’ve got on a sexy bra, g-string, garter belt, stockings, and high heels on. I sit down on one of the stairs; I’m mid way up the stairs, between floors. I lean back with my arms above me, my legs stretched out, slightly open. Taunting him, teasing him. I then begin to do a little tease dance all for him. I can see him watching every move I make. He’s not taking his eyes off of me. The next thing I know he runs up the stairs to me takes me by the hand and pulls me to him.

Next thing I know we are on a bed somewhere outside, excluded from the rest of the world. We are having the best sex I’d ever had. And I know that he feels the same thing I do. He knows that we connected in a way he’s never felt before. He’s trying to play it off like it’s no big thing, but he’s not hiding his feeling very well. I’m seeing right through him.

Now we are dressed, standing in the courtyard of the place that I had run off to. It’s just a regular building now. I’m me again, not the stripper girl I just was. I am me again, but I can remember everything that just happened. I can remember the great sex that we just had, and I can see that he is remembering it also, but he starts talking to me about how sex should be meaningful and full of feelings and a connection shared between two people. I’m agreeing with him and looking at him like I’m confused, not understanding why he is telling me this. Then he tries to use what had just happened between him and me as an example. “But what we just shared was just what you were talking about. And I know you felt the same thing I did, I can see it in your face.” I tell him. He just looks me in a fluster way and says, “But that is beside the point!”

And then the dream ended. Or more like, I should say, I then woke up out of a dead sleep because I know that I have over slept and was probably late for work! I looked at the clock. Sure ‘nough! I’ve got an hour to get my ass in the shower and to work! Shit!

I didn’t have too much time to think about the dream as I was hurrying to get my ass to work on time. I did have some time to think about it in the car on my way to work. Then I thought about it some more as I was at work. I just kept thinking to myself, “What the fuck!”

First it was... “Why in the hell did I dream about Adrian? Or more to the point, why in the hell did I dream of Adrian being a Todd??”

Then it was… “What the fuck was that all about?!”

It wasn’t until later on in the day after getting off the whole Adrian/Todd thing that I realized that the dream had to do with my fucking a certain person. The Slut might think that she is control of me, but she has no idea. The sensible, reasonable me knows that what I did was just wrong, for me. I’m just not that person; I’m more like Adrian/Todd. I’m a person that needs more than just the physical sensations of getting off. I always have been. That’s just me. This dream was just my subconscious reminding me who I am.

Dreams are funny like that.

Rockin' Ghetto Style, Wedding Bells, Cemeteries, and The Slut!

2006-07-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks has been a little hectic and stressful. Just when I thought my life couldn't get any more fucked up, Murphy's Law came and fucked me from behind. It wouldn't have been so bad had there been a little lubrication to ease the pain.

Okay, so maybe it's not as bad as all that. I have a way of fucking things up all on my own without any help from good ole Murphy. However, one of my problems was actually out of my control. The other is the usual money problems. I spend way more than I get. You’d think I’d learn by now!

On the 14th of last month my car decided to take a shit on me, AGAIN! I drove into work with no problem. I even took off for lunch with no problem getting back to work. Although I did have this funny feeling about my car as I was pulling back into the parking lot at work. Sure enough as I got in my car to leave for the evening, the bitch just wouldn't turn over. Great! Just what I fucking needed again. What sucked was that it now meant that I was not going to be able to make it to the bachelorette party that Saturday. Bastard! What sucked even more was hearing about the great time everyone had at Asia SF with the stripper and everything else. Yeah, everyone but me!

Best of all, my car is still sitting in my driveway becoming one of the biggest, dirtiest paper weights ever. Yeah, I still haven't gotten it looked at to see what in the hell the malfunction is this time. My uncle still has not taken the time to come by and see what the fuck its problem is. I think I'm going to have to give him a little ringy dingy and get his ass over here. For now I am driving my kid brothers other car that is a bigger piece of shit than mine. Like I should talk! At least it runs, unlike mine at the moment. Let me give you a little visual on his piece of shit though.

I can't remember what year the fucking thing is, but it's a Chrysler Sebring convertible, '97 I think. A convertible, not bad, you say. Wrong! It's a convertible that has no back window as that got shattered not too long after my brother got it. He was putting the top down one day and it just shattered. So yeah, that looks pretty ghetto. Now you'd think that with this nice Summer California weather we've been having that would not be such a big deal since it's a convertible and should be driven with the top down this time of the year anyway. Yeah, and you'd be right... If all the windows actually would roll down. I tried putting the top down last week but the rear window behind the driver’s seat will not go down, at all. Again, that looks pretty fucking ghetto, so I put the top back up. Next in line we have the stereo, which is actually a bomb ass stereo system. It's got great bass and all that. However, if you turn the fucking stereo up too much and get all that bass going the fucking doors rattle like hell. Apparently my brother really didn't give a rat’s ass about how well he took care of the car cause now the door panels on the inside are no longer completely attached to the doors anymore. You have to be careful when opening up either door as the panels stick to part of the door molding, which you have to be careful not to try and open the doors with any force as they will fling back shut, ripping the door handle out of your finger tips (which hurt by the way when you have nails!). Nice! So now I'm rolling in a convertible that rocks ghetto style as the doors reverberate with every beat of the bass. I've always wanted to know how it felt to be ghetto fabulous. Now I know! Be careful what you wish for girls, cause chances are it will come true.

Uhm, what else? Oh yeah. I fucked someone that I shouldn’t be fucking. At all. I didn’t plan it, that’s for sure. It just kind of happened. I called up one of the exes, you might remember him as the Cling-On, just checking up on him to see if things have gotten any better for him. He sounded a lot better; he was out of the house and partying. Then I got a text message at 3 in the morning by him asking, “what’s up?” Uh, sleeping! The next thing I know he’s asking me if I want to come over and have some ‘fun’. You’ve got to be kidding me!? I guess he is feeling much, much better. So we are texting back and forth for about an hour. Mainly him trying to get me to come over and fuck him, which I didn’t end up doing. I text him the next day asking him what the hell that was all about and he says that he was fucked up. Great! “So you text me at 3 o’clock in the morning to fuck with me and see what I’d say?” I text him. Of course he’s all no, no, no, it wasn’t like that at all. He tried getting me to come over again, but I resisted. The next day rolled around and the more I thought about it the more I just said to myself, what the fuck. Why not? It’d been awhile since I had a good fuck, let alone a decent fuck. I figured since he was an ex at least I’d know what to expect. That was the one thing I didn’t have any complaints about in our relationship. The sex was always pretty damn good. So what do I do? I took him up on his offer and drove myself on up to his house. What I should have done was just stay the fuck home and leave well enough alone. But NO! My horny self over rode any rational thought process I had and just pushed the sensible me right the fuck out the door and locked it.

So I get there and we just watched the TV for awhile. All the while in my head I’m thinking this is probably not going to take that long to get him off since it had been over a year since he probably had any sex. With all the medication that he was on they left nothing for the sex drive. However, I was soon to be shown otherwise. Not only was he fucking rock hard but lasted a good hour. I guess that was one good side effect from all the drugs he was taking. Although I ended up being left out in the cold. I couldn’t get off to save my fucking life, so that fucking sucked. Oh well. Lesson learned? Hell no! But that comes a little later.

Now the week was upon me to get ready for the wedding that I went to just this past weekend. Now I hate shopping for clothes, let alone a fucking dress! I finally ended up finding one on-line just in time. What was even more awesome was that the fucker actually fit and looked half way decent. Then what with everything with my car and not trusting my brother’s car I was now in need of a rental car to get my ass to Murphys for the weekend where the wedding was being held, at Ironstone Winery. I had already reserved a room for the entire weekend. This was more money I was going to have to spend. I was originally going to drive up with Mr. Love, but he called the week before telling me that he now planned on driving up either the night before or the day of the wedding and driving back the same night after. Well fuck! Time for a new plan for me. I guess he didn’t trust being in the same hotel room with me the whole weekend. Not like anything was going to happen anyway. Well, okay, so maybe I was hoping that there would be some kind of action. But I knew that the chances of that happening were like me winning the lottery. Nada gonna happen in this lifetime! Anyway, I lucked out and got a Chevy Equinox for only $78 for the weekend.

It turned out to be a great weekend despite all my fantasy illusions. I left Friday morning and got up there around 2 in the afternoon. After I arrived everyone else started trickling in. The majority of them all had to go to the rehearsal dinner so there weren’t many of us hanging about the hotel. I took off to go find something to eat and brought it back to the hotel. I started looking in the book that the hotel puts inside all the rooms listing what the hotel rules are, things to do around town, and what-not. There was a map in there of the town and saw a road that said Cemetery Road. As soon as I saw that I was down in the lobby with my new camera in hand asking if in fact there was a cemetery on Cemetery Road. Leave it to me to find the cemetery where ever I go! The girl behind the desk confirmed there was and I was off! I ended up spending about an hour there taking a shit load of pictures. I then ended up down the road where it drops you off at Main Street. Found a cute little bed and breakfast nestled in some trees and took some pictures of that too. Then I took some pictures of Main Street from where I was. By that time it was getting pretty late and not getting enough sun so I headed back to the hotel.

Not too long after returning to the hotel the bridal party came back and it was party time! The guys all took off into one room to play poker and party the night away. The girls all got together in another room to do a little bit of partying of their own. Most of us ended up just popping squat in front of the hotel and partying out there. A good majority of the girls were all smokers and the hotel rooms were all non-smoking rooms. It just made more since to just kick it outside and party it out there. After the hot day the cool evening felt much better than the air conditioner. I was really surprised that we didn’t end up having any complaints about all the noise we were making. You get some of those girls pickled with alcohol and whoa boy will they get loud. One in particular was the groom’s sister who was also one of the bridesmaid’s. By 1 in the morning she was pretty wasted. I knew that she was going to be hurting the next morning, since they all had to be at the hair dressers at 9 to get all done up for the wedding. She was hurting the next day! LOL

The wedding was a blast. The bride was absolutely stunning and the groom was as handsome as ever. She pulled up in a horse drawn carriage that was just so picture perfect. I managed to miss getting a picture, of course! And the setting was just as picture perfect, it was held at Ironstone Vineyards outside set against the natural beauty of the Sierra Foothills, where the Lakeside Park, enchanting flowers, wood-covered bridges and sprawling grapevines provided colorful backdrop. Okay, that little bit I actually stole from their website. I think they described it a lot better than I could have. The whole wedding party looked just as beautiful and handsome as the bride and groom.

As it was also the 4th of July weekend, the vineyard also had a 4th of July celebration with a live band playing and a fireworks display planned for later in the evening. We all stuck around for the fireworks display then we all headed back to our hotels. Mr. Love left the wedding earlier in the evening since he was so intent on driving back home that day. Always the party pooper that one is. I was surprised he stayed as long as he did. He showed up, that was good enough.

After we all get back to the hotel it was later learned that one of the bride’s co-worker’s that showed up for the wedding got pulled over for a DUI. She ended up calling the bride and groom and they were actually going to pick her ass up from the sheriff’s department at 4 in the morning. I’m sorry, but at 35 you should know better than to be drinking and driving. I would have left her ass in the drunk tank! Okay, not really. Being the nice person that I am I would have done the same as them. However, someone else offered to go get her for them so they wouldn’t have to. They did end up taking her to get her car out of impound though at like 8 in the morning. From what I hear this chick was hysterical the whole time, from when she got picked up by the cop until she got her car out of impound. Well, I hope she learned her lesson. She was told by numerous people at the wedding, including from the bride, not to drive. But she did anyway.

I took my time driving home the next day. On my way out from the hotel I asked the girl again behind the desk where in Angel’s Camp the cemeteries were. Oh com’mon now! If you have been paying any attention at all through out this damn blog, I LOVE cemeteries! Since I don’t know when I will ever be up that way again I wanted to hit as many cemeteries that I could on the way out. Turns out there are 3 cemeteries in Altaville, located just on the northwest portion of Angel’s Camp. I found the Altaville Protestant Cemetery, Catholic Cemetery, and Lode Cemetery. At least that is the names I have found them to be here on the web. The Protestant Cemetery was the only one of the three that actually had a sign, the others just had a sign posted warning about vandalism. I walked around all three, just shooting away with my camera. What I love about cemeteries are seeing all the different style headstones that are used. I found quite a few that I have never seen before until now. Now I have the task of actually sitting down and taking the time to go through all the photos and editing the best out of the lot.

So this was all on Sunday. After getting back home I was trying to just relax, but after being gone all weekend and from the long drive back, I was feeling pretty restless and bored. I still had a few hours yet until I had to return the Equinox, which I really did not want to part with. (I think I found my new car!) I ended up texting you know who. I actually text him asking him if he wanted to go and see a movie later in the evening, but he text back that he was broke. So what do I go and do? I text him asking him if he wanted to fuck then. Yeah, I have no couth sometimes. I pretty much say what is on my mind, straight and to the point. I think I was pretty straight and to the point on that one. I really didn’t think he’d bite, I figured last weeks little rumble tumble was it. I guess I figured wrong. He came over and we watched Donnie Darko, all the while he had his hand down his pants stroking his cock. I have to say that, yes in deed, that was turning me on. There’s just something about a man stroking his cock that I love. I wanted to take my time with him though. I managed to make it through the entire movie before asking him if he wanted a helping hand. Although I did tell him that it looked like he was doing a pretty good job there on his own. But being in the slut mode that I seemed to be in, I just couldn’t resist feeling his hard cock in my hand and in my mouth. I was going to make myself wait to feel him deep inside some where else. And let me tell you, I was pretty much throbbing for it already at this point. What a Slut!

This time around I actually got off. And oh my gawd was it a long time coming! In the moment if felt fucking great, but it was missing something. It felt empty, emotionless. Well, what did I expect? It was only just a fuck anyway, right? Yep, and that’s just what it was alright. Just a fuck. I’m finding that I’m not that person. I can’t do just fucks, I need something more there. I need the emotions, I need the feelings. Mr. Love changed me in more ways than I ever thought. Not that I used to just fuck people before I got together with him. I’ve always had some kind of emotions or feelings for the person I was having sex with, you know, at least some kind of attraction. Other than just feeling totally horny, I didn’t feel a damn thing. I can tell he wasn't feeling anything but the sensations of fucking, he was completely gone somewhere else inside his head. So maybe it’s just best if he and I don’t hook up again. We don’t need to be starting anything neither one of us have any intentions of finishing. Lord knows I’m not looking for that from him. Hell, all I wanted was a fuck. Well I guess I got fucked alright, by me. I keep telling myself that that was it, no more. Yet I can’t keep the slut at bay, she is still rearing her ugly head. She wants more, what she got the other night was not enough. I keep telling myself that that was it, no more. But the slut keeps telling me, “Who the fuck are you fooling?!” I mean, shit, it’s only sex right? Right…? Fuck!

The Longest Day of the Year

2006-06-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

In honour of the Summer Solstice.

Spinal Tap "Stonehenge"

Ro-Sham-Bo Court

2006-06-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

So this afternoon while I was taking a smoke break I picked up the Bay Area Living section of the Daily Review, only because it was out there and I was bored. I started reading the front page and read about these two lawyers that "are embroiled in an insurance lawsuit and cannot agree about where to conduct the deposition of a witness." Typical.

What I read next made me laugh so hard. At the order of a federal judge in Florida, these two lawyers are to meet at a neutral site on June 30th and settle their dispute. So how has this federal judge ordered them to settle this little disagreement? The good ole time honored, tried and true method that children all over the world have been settling their disputes for years. By playing Rock Paper Sissors, also known as Roshambo, of course! Everyone knows that is the only way to settle any dispute.

How many of us as children, hell...as adults even!, have settled a dispute or a decision by playing rock, paper, sissors? I mean, com'mon, the odds are a lot more fun than just flipping a flippin' coin and calling heads or tails. You've got rock that beats sissors; scissors that beat paper; and paper that beats rock. What more do you need?!

Hell, even Danielle De Barbarac and Prince Henry played rock, paper, sissors while they were at the gyspy camp getting drunk, in Ever After. Highly unlikely that Roshambo existed back then, you say? Think again.

According to the official USA Rock Paper Sissors Leauge (yes, they have a website AND they have a monthy RPS podcast! I shit you not!) is that it all began over 6.3 million years ago in East Africa when prehistoric men first became bipedal. So there you have it, the worlds oldest sport known to mankind.

If only we could get ~~that cunt~~ Bush out of office as easily. Oh I'm sorry Mr. President. Paper covers rock, rock doesn't crush paper. Okay, see ya. Buh-bye!

Ardaric the Orb Weaver

2006-06-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am back again with another spider photo. Unfortunately this one is not of the one that I had been calling Abigayle. Abigayle it seems has disappeared. To where, I have no idea. I noticed she was missing last night. I saw her earlier in the week, Wednesday night. But that was the last time I saw her. I looked up the life span of the garden Orb Weaver, thinking that maybe she had lived out her duration. Found that Orb Weavers lives are short, only living one season.

The female Garden Orb Weaver lays her eggs in late summer to autumn. The eggs are encased in a fluffy silken cocoon and attached to foliage. The lifespan is about twelve months. They mature in summer, mate, lay their eggs, and die in late summer-autumn. Males and females are similar in size. During autumn, the spiderlings disperse by ballooning (floating on the breeze using small silk strands as "balloons"), and build their own tiny orb webs among vegetation.

I don't know for certain if Abigayle was female. I just liked the idea that she was.

I noticed one morning, last week, that I probably had two Orb Weavers when I found another web underneath the lemon tree. It was confirmed when I checked the web to see if there was another one after looking in on Abigayle and watched her as she was spinning her new web later than evening at about 10pm. The other Orb Weaver was busy spinning its new web too. This one I noticed was a bit smaller than Abigayle.

Yeah, I know. I'm strange. You don't need to tell me, I hear it enough from my friends and my family. Whatever! I just happen to find these spiders awesome and love to see the beautiful webs they spin each night.

This other one is still working on its web right now. As soon as its is done and just relaxing after spending all its energy producing all that silk, I'm going to take some pictures of it. I did take some as it was spinning, but I want to be able to get a nice clean shot when it's still. It will be better positioned where I can get its whole body with its legs still.

Okay, now that I have gotten a pretty good look at this one from the photos I just took, this one is looking like a fella to me. His markings are not as profound as Abigayle's, which I think is the marking traits of the males. I'm not completey sure of that though, that is just what I kind of gathered from what I have read of them on line. I could be totally wrong, but I still think this one looks like it's a male.

I think I'm gonna call this handsome little fella Ardaric. I like that name, it's a nice gothic name. Yes, I know... I'm weird... So what else is new!?

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... BFD!

2006-06-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

So BFD was this past Saturday.  I had bought two tickets with the hopes of finding someone to go with me.  With a week before the event I still didn’t have any hopes of finding anyone.  Then out of the blue I get a call from Zenn the day of the Zumiez Couch event.  So I figured what the hell, I’ll ask Zenn if he wants to go.  By Wednesday, 3 days left, I got a confirming yes from him.  However, by early Saturday afternoon I couldn’t get a hold of him on his cell phone.  Bugger!  I knew I was going to end up going to this fucking thing all by myself.  Oh well, shit happens!  And it usually always happens to me.  No worries though, I still planned on going, even if was all by my lonesome self.

I had already planned to not show up to the concert until about 6 o’clock.  Face it; I only bought tickets to the damned thing to see HIM and Echo & the Bunnymen.  Since they were on the main stage, I knew I had plenty of time to get there, which confirmed my plans when I got the event schedule off of Live 105’s website the day before.  Echo was scheduled to hit the stage at 6:35, then HIM at 7:35.  Sweet!

I finally get into Mountain View just before 6.  Parking wasn’t too bad considering I knew that later arrivals would have to park way out in the boondocks.  Not too bad, I just had to walk across a field.  To get to the gates I had to walk past the whole second stage fenced area of the parking lot.  The entire second stage area was completely deserted, having moved into the main area of the Shoreline.

First stop after I got through the gate was to hit the t-shirt stand.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to get a HIM t-shirt and a BFD tour shirt, or just one of what would be available.  I ended up just getting the HIM tour shirt.  After that I headed off looking for the meet and greet queue.  HIM was scheduled for the meet ‘n greet at 6:00.  Figured I’d wait in line since I had some time to kill.  That line was fucking long!  I think I waited for all of 10 minutes before getting bored, and then took off.

So I wandered around a bit more.  Even sat down at one point and text Wenchy asking her to remind me why I went to that damned thing by myself.  Then I got up after smoking a butt and happened upon the Live 105 booth.  Saw a quite a bit of people milling around and could see that they were interviewing some band.  I joined the group of people, took a look to see which band and had absolutely no idea which band it was.  Figured I’d get out my digital camera anyway and take some picture.  Why the hell not?  I had a great view and figured I might as well get some shoots that were not all crap.  So out came my camera.  At this point some guy walked up to me and asked if he could get a light off my cigarette, which I happily obliged.  I asked which band was being interviewed and he told me it was Franz Ferdinand.  “Oh, no wonder I didn’t know who the hell they were!” I said to him.  Which he agreed with me on, then went on to talk about how fucked up one of the guys teeth were.  Comments of really bad English teeth ensued.

While I had been waiting in the meet and greet line I had looked at the printed schedule booklet that LIVE 105 had printed up.  Looking at that the line up was way off from what I had printed off their website.  So I thought Echo wasn’t going to be taking the stage until later on in the evening.  Boy was I wrong!  As I was taking pictures of the Franz boys I hear Bring On The Dancing Horses.  WTF?!  Echo was on stage as per the websites schedule.  Bastards!  Off I went to go find my way to my seat.  And such great seats they were!  According to when I bought them, during the PRE SALE mind you, the best available seats given to me were section 201, row R, seats 21 and 22.  Yeah, best available seats my ass!  Fuckers!  I hate how they save the front row seats and the front row sections for ticket brokers and crap.  Bastards!

I finally make my way to my seats, well okay, seat.  But at least I had the option to sit in which ever one I wanted to since I knew the owner of the seat next to mine.  And let me tell you, they were both crap!  Holy shit I was far away from the stage.  And to top it all off, the section sign posts for the first row section was right our sections line of sight.  Thankfully those were taken down not too long after I finally made it my seat.

Now it’s time to see just how far I am away from the stage in regards to trying to take some pictures.  Uh yeah, crappy!  I had to go into digital zoom mode.  Now I know these pictures are going to turn out like crap.  However, at least I’m getting any pictures at all.

Now what the fuck?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!  Two to tree rows ahead of me is an older couple (well, they were older than me by at least 5-10 years!) who are standing up while Echo are on.  Now mind you, they are the ONLY ones standing in our section AT ALL!  Not long after I myself was mouthing off that they needed to sit their ass down (okay, not loud enough for them to actually hear me) I hear a few people behind me start yelling down to them to “sit their fucking asses down”.  After awhile the guy must have actually heard and sat down, then tried telling his wife, or whatever the fuck she was to him, to sit down too.  Which I was surprised that she did.  Only to stand back up again about 10 minutes later!  After that I then saw a girl walk over to her and ask her if she could please stay seated as there were a lot of people behind her that she was blocking the view of the stage from.  Again I was surprised to see that she obliged and even stayed seated for the rest of Echo’s set.  They took off after Echo finished up, never to see them again after that.

Echo and the Bunnymen were awesome.  I didn’t know what to expect from this band live as I never got a chance to see them in the ‘80s in their hey days.  All the songs sounded great, especially The Killing Moon.  I was glad I didn’t miss the rest of their set.

HIM finally took the stage about the time they were scheduled to.  They only thing I was a bit put off by was from what Mige was wearing.  Mige is a big boy, no hiding that, least of all in a black mesh shirt.  Every time the camera man was on him you could see his big man boobies on the big jumbo screens.  Ugh, just put them away!  Gas on the other hand had on a Slayer t-shirt on.  Gas loves to rock the Slayer t-shirts.  Ville had on a Hedwig and the Angry Itch t-shirt on underneath his jacket.  Although, Ville always looks fucking good!  Burton and Linde looked pretty much the same as usual.

Okay, so anyway, HIM’s set was pretty short, only 8 songs.  I’ve listed the set list of both Echo and HIM’s in the slide show below.

After they finished up their set, it was my queue to leave.  As I was hiking back to my car I spotted a Scion xB in the VIP parking lot that had the license plate of EVILDAV.  I thought it was kind of ironic as Mr Love himself has a silver Scion xB.  Those who know me well will see where I see the irony.  This silver Scion was pretty decked out from his though.  This one I was has blue flames and an iron cross emblem on the back of the hatch.  I included a shot of it in the slide show below.

As I passed the second stage area I stopped and took a picture of the desolate stage.  I just thought it looked neat with the setting of the sun.  Also included in the slide show I put together.

Then as I was walking across the field towards my car, I was looking towards my right and noticed the building that was on the other side of the trees.  The way the sun setting glared off the glass windows of the building just caught my attention.  So I started walking towards it.  As I broke through the trees though, what I had seen from the field was gone, but what I did see I liked even more.  So I ended up strolling around this building complex for probably a good hour taking all kinds of shots.  Little did I know, until I happened upon the reception area of the building and the ‘quad’ area, that I had been strolling around the complex of Google.com.  Hell, I didn’t even know Google was located in Mountain View.  The pictures that I spent taking there ended up being the best pictures of the night.  Then just before I was leaving, still taking pictures on the way out, I dropped my camera trying to light a cigarette.  I think I broke something in it.  I was still able to take quite a few more pictures after that, but as I turned it off and the lens was being pulled back into the body it made clicking noises.  So now when I turn the camera on and off, the lens makes a clicking/popping sound as the lens goes out and back in.  Great, smooth move on my part!  I’m just glad that it wasn’t my new digital camera that I just bought.  I just bought it a week ago, but it’s on back order.  I’m hoping to get it before the wedding that I am going to on the 1st of July.

So that is my tale to tell of my lonesome BFD experience.  All in all, it was not a bad night.  Even with the dropping of the camera.  So, for your enjoyment below I have put together a slide show of ‘the best of the worst’ shots from the concert itself and my tour around the Google complex.  The concert pictures themselves I ended up converting to black & white and they still look like shit, but they look a whole lot better than they did in color.  I think they look actually pretty cool in black & white.  When I look a them they kind of give me an old newspaper feeling and even an old Ed Sullivan feeling when you see the old black & white shows from back in the day.  So I guess in a way I ended up giving an artistic feeling to them.  Well, so I see anyway.  I don’t know about you all.  The Google pictures I took in black & white as that was the look I was originally going for anyway, I just added a little bit of a blue filter to them.

Anyway, hope you enjoy.

Fluffy, My Nightly Visitor

2006-06-07T18:56:00.000-07:00

This big brown bastard lives in my backyard. It only comes out at night. I just happen to see it one night while I was having a smoke. I saw a big dark spot against the dimly lit night sky. Took a walk over and saw this bastard.

Everyday I look to see if its huge web is still hung between my fence and lemon tree. Sure 'nough, so I've been keeping an eye out for it every night as well. And everynight there it is sitting in the center of its web.

This was my third nightly try of trying to get a decent picture. After finally getting the tripod out and fooling around with the settings of my camera I finally got it. The whole while hoping that the damn thing didn't decide to jump on me. I'm not afraid of spiders per say, well, at least not as bad as my mother is of them.

From what I have found on the internet I'm guessing that it is a harmless garden spider called an Orb Weaver. What I found on them was:

"Vary greatly in color, shape and size, measuring between 2 - 30mm (1/16 -- 1 1/4") long. They have eight eyes arranged in two horizontal rows of four eyes each."

I'm sorry, I didn't get close enough to look it in the eyes. Plus it was too dark to see them.

"Most orb weavers spin spiraling webs on support lines that radiate outward from the center; the plane of the web may be vertical or horizontal or somewhere in between. Many of this family replace the entire web daily, spinning a new web in the early evening
(this usually takes about an hour) and deconstructing the web each morning in a ritual almost as complex as the spinning process: they gather the silk into a ball and eat it for reprocessing."

I can say that if it was to stand on top of a quarter you can bet your sweet ass that it would cover it completely. It's pretty big and the web is huge and just absolutely georgous! Good thing I know that it's there. It's about 6 ft off the ground, pretty much right at face level. I walk down the
walk there where it is hanging sometimes at night. How'd you like to be walking into THAT in the middle of the night NOT knowing it's there?!

OH! HELL! NO!

I'll pass thank you very much!

I'll leave the spiders to Spidey.

How's this for a big hairy spider, Wench?! This one doesn't creep me out half as bad as the weird HUGE cream colored spiders that hung underneather the porch roof, ALL AROUND Wenchy's house back in New Hampshire. Those things just creeped me the fuck out! And they were everywhere!

This was taken last night at 11:30pm, 6/6/06. Gotta love the number of the beast!

I'm surprised I didn't end up having some weird nightmare involving huge, hairy spiders with hundreds of eyes looking at me like I'm their next meal. :::okay, that just creeped me out:::

I'm going to try again tonight and see if I can't get a more clear, sharper, more detailed picture of her. When it's the middle of the night and dark as shit out, it's kind of hard to see what it is that you are trying to focus on. I saw another web out when I went to check out the her web this morning
to see if she did eat hers for reprocessing later. So I might have another one out there.

Anyway, I'm thinking of calling her, Fluffy.

The Day of the Beast

2006-06-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

"Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the
beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short...
Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the
beast for it is a human number, its number is Six hundred and
sixty six."

Revelation 13:16-18:

"Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, so that no one can buy or sell who does not have the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of his name. This calls for wisdom: let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number. Its number is six threescore six"

Are you ready for the rapture?

The hour is upon us! You do not want to miss the Rapture! The time of the tribulation will be beyond anything imaginable! Think of the horror when EVIL WILL COMPLETELY TAKEOVER! The whole world will be controlled by SATAN HIMSELF!

Well, George Bush would be flattered to think he could control the whole world, wouldn't he.

Once every hundred years The Beast rises to wreak havok on the fragile, weak minds of mankind. Well, okay, not really. But at least once every hundred years the poor guy gets his one day of complete recognition.

Apparently the End of the world Biblical interpreters have conjectured that June 6, 2006 and June 6, 1906 (06/06/06) are "days of the Beast" and have prophesied that the Antichrist will reveal himself on the latter date. So far I have yet to see the Antichrist. However, the night is still young yet... Today is California's primary election day. Millions of Californians will head to the polls to cast ballots in hundreds of contests. California may be going to hell in a hand basket as we speak.

But with that said, what about June 6, 2106? 2206? 2306? And so on? I guess they presummed that today would be the day the world would end as we know it and didn't even think we'd have a future to worry about it. Come to think of it, we are doing a pretty good job on our own distroying our world without The Beast. Maybe he/she is just bidding his/her time, knowing that we would destroy ourselves in due time and the joke is on us. Then again, where's the fun in that?

Here's a little 666 trivia for ya:

In Chinese, '666' sounds a lot like the words 'Things going smoothly'. It is considered one of the luckiest numbers in Chinese culture. It can be seen prominently in many shop windows across the country, and people there often pay extra to get a mobile phone number including this string of digits.

Apple's first computer, the Apple I, was priced at $666.66.

666 is a nickname for Benzene Hexachloride, a powerful insecticide and pediculicide. Its chemical formula is C₆H₆Cl₆.

Similar to the Roman numeral occurrence, combining one of each of Japan's coin currency yields 666 (500, 100, 50, 10, 5, 1)

In the United States, '666' is a brand name of cough syrup.

666 is the port number used by the game Doom (by id Software) when playing against another player via TCP.

In Unix and similar operating systems, a file permission of 666 (which is not uncommon) grants all users read and write permissions on the file.

666 is also the value of the kilohertz frequency of the Bodenseesender, a big AM radio station in South Germany, which is receivable at night in all of Europe. It is also the frequency of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's Canberra station.

666 is the sum of all the numbers on a typical roulette wheel. (A typical roulette wheel is numbered from 1 to 36, with one (in Europe) or two (in North America) zeroes. See the point on triangular numbers, above.) The Devil's playground!

The full name of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan contains six letters each in his first (RONALD), middle (WILSON) and last (REAGAN) names, thus earning him the nickname "666". Additionally, when Reagan moved to California following the end of his presidency, he asked that his house number be changed from 666 to 668. And here I thought it was just alzheimer's.

ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. COUCH

2006-06-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

Sunday, June 4th kicked off the Zumiez Couch Tour in San Jose at Eastridge Mall. This is a place where skaters of all ages converge to watch their favorite skater do their thing and hopefully meet them, get a picture taken with them and get them to sign their boards, shoes, posters, or whatever. Then after the skate demo and signings there is a concert. All free of charge.

And of course all the sponsor tents selling their goods and giving away prizes through out the day. I never did make it over to the Jones Soda tent and where their bus was. I would have liked to have gotten a couple of shots of the bus. I did get a shot (film) of some kid getting ketchup and mustard all over his head though. I didn't pay much attention to which sponsors tent that was.

PARTICIPATING SKATE TEAMS
Flip - Geoff Rowley, Mark Appleyard, Rodrigo TX, Lance Mountain, Arto Saari, Eric Fletcher, Bob Burnquist, Shane Cross, David Gonzalez

Adio - Shaun White, Kenny Anderson, Ed Selego, Steve Nesser, Danny Montoya, Brian Sumner, Ernie Torres, Joey Brezinski, Nick Dompierre, Sean Eaton

Volcom - Geoff Rowley, Mark Appleyard, Dustin Dollin, Aaron Suski, Caswell Berry, Darrel Stanton, Ryan Sheckler

Element Skateboards - Bam Margera, Tosh Townend, Colt Cannon, Nyjah Huston, Jake Rupp, Mike Vallely, Brent Atchley

Vans - Dustin Dollin, Anthony Van Engelen, Christian Hosoi, Omar Hassan, Danny Wainwright, Raymond Molinar, Keegan Sauder, Angel Ramirez, Chima Fergusson

The skate team scheduled for San Jose was the Flip team. Unfortunately I missed the skate demo portion. I dropped in to visit with a friend in Fremont on my way down. But you can bet your sweet ass I would have been there for the demo if the Element team was there and watched Bam Margera and Mike Vallely do their thing. Knowing Bam, I'm sure he would have done some crazy ass shit. However, since it was the Flip team I kinda took my time getting down there. A shame though, I was hoping to get some skate shots. Oh well. I had a great time visiting with Miss Kimberly instead.

I did make it for the concert though. Mike Vallely's band Revolution Mother were the opening act with CKY closing. I ended up shooting 4 rolls of film and 100+ on my digital camera. I haven't gotten the rolls developed yet and knew that I'd take some time getting that done and figured I'd settle with whatever my digital would capture for the time being. A good majority of them came out pretty good considering. I'm not hopefully about many of the film shots to turn out too well. I did have my zoom lens with me, but I have a feeling that a good majority of those will come out blurry. I guess I'll find out once I get them bastards developed.

Revolution Mother weren't bad. CKY were great as usual. A few songs into the set Chad ended up feeding Cher Do You Believe In Love through the sound system. Then later on it was Whitney Houston I Will Always Love You. Trying to feel the love from the fans anyway they could. After they played their set Daren Miller, Jess Margera, and Mat Deis were over in the Adio tent signing autographs.

I had taken off to put all my equipment in my car and drove to a bank to get some money. I wanted to see if they were selling the Hellview City Limit Pop. 96 t-shirt that I've wanted for some time. Not even thinking about it, I went to the Adio tent to buy the shirt with out my digital camera. I could have gotten some great pictures of the guys signing my t-shirt. Dumb ass me not thinking!

While I was up front with them Jess had pulled off a big piece of skin off his hands from a blister and handed it to Daren. I thought it was pretty funny. All the guys were really cool, especially Matt. Matt... Mmmm... He looked cute up there on that stage. Lemme tell you, he looks even fucking cuter close up! Mmmm.... Yup... As I was saying before I got distracted, they are all a bunch of nice guys who definitely appreciate their fans. Just a bunch of guys that you'd hang out with at the bar and get shit faced with. Now that would be fun!

Anyway, here are the pictures that I took with the digital camera. After about 3 hours of sorting through them all and editing the ones that weren't too fucking blurry, this is what I ended up with.

Zumiez Couch Tour
Eastridge Mall, San Jose
Sunday, June 4th, 2006

Live @ The Fillmore, SF - May 23, 2006

2006-05-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well, for now here is a little slide show of some of the pictures that I took at the show. My poor little digital camera is not made for taking concert shots in clubs. The lighting is just too low for its sensor and the shutter lags because of it. So, out of the 200+ pictures that I took, these were the ones that were, at best, salvageable. I will try and give a little commentary about the show itself later on tonight.

Love Thy Neighbor

2006-05-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

After such a georgous day yesterday the sky opened up and cried all through the evening and night. Figured I'd take some more pictures since I really didn't have anything to do. Since I pretty much ran out of things to shoot in my backyard I decided to take pictures of my neighbors flowers. Well, they say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, eh.

On these pictures I decided to play with them a little in Photoshop. These kinda pop right out ya, don't they.

[Click on each picture for full view.]

The Morning After

2006-05-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

These were taken this morning in my backyard. This was my pathetic attempt at trying to capture the rain drops that were still clinging to the petals and leaves. I can't wait to get a proper digital camera that actually has macro capabilities.

(Click on each picture for full view.)

How much are you worth?

2006-05-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

I finally watched Hostel last night. Can I just say… “Dude, that just isn’t fucking right! That is some seriously fuck up shit!” And as I am watching it I’m thinking to myself...

[“The possibilities of something like this actually happening? Scarily, yes…”]

[Shudders just thinking about it]

The premise is plausible. Two buddies decide to backpack across Europe. They meet up with another fellow traveler while in France, continuing to travel across Europe together. While in Amsterdam they meet a guy who tells them about a hostel in Slovakia that is just crawling with hot gorgeous babes just looking to fuck tourists. Of course being the typical single minded, penis head ruling horny young men that ALL men are, they all head off in the direction of this hostel. When they get there, everything is too good to be true. The trio finds that the hostel was everything and more of what they expected.

Then one by one they are never seen again, except for one. He later comes to find that the hostel is just a front for Elite Hunting. A provider of services catering to people who pay to live out their sick, twisted, demented fantasies of torturing and killing people.

$5,000 - Local
$10,000 - European
$25,000 – American

Now how’s that for a back packing vacation across Europe that you’ll never forget! Well, that is...if you live to tell about it.

Do you have your doubts? It’s only a movie right? Yes, I am fully aware that this is just a movie, however it is a movie based on actual similar happenings. Life imitates art as art imitates life, my friend, and this is a sick and twisted world we live in. Just think, I only thought about how possible this is but there are actually people out there that not only think about it, but act on it, and participate in it…

After all, we live in world that spawned Hitler, Hannibal Lecter, Jeffrey Dahlmer, etc…you get my drift. They just got caught…

How much are you worth?
I am worth $1,317,546 on HumanForSale.com

Empire Records

2006-05-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

“Empire Records, open 'til midnight, this is Mark.
[pause] Midnight.”

I can't explain why I like this movie so much. This is one of those movies that I can let play over and over and over all day; which I have and am in the process of doing again. The soundtrack alone allows me to tolerate this repetitiveness and the fact that… Com’mon, you all know…

It’s Rex Manning day!

"Oh, Rexy, you're so sexy!"

The greatest scene:
Joe: [after Lucas enters] Lucas!
Lucas: Joe!
Joe: Where's the money?
Lucas: Joe, the money is gone.
Joe: Yeah, I know it's gone... but where's it gone to?
Lucas: Atlantic City.
Joe: Atlantic City?... Is it coming back from Atlantic City?
Lucas: [nervous laugh] Oh, I don't think so, Joe.
Joe: What's it doing in Atlantic City, Lucas?
Lucas: ...Recirculating.
Joe: Recirculating?
Lucas: Yeah.
[Joe knocks the donation cup that Lucas was carrying out of his hands and grabs his arm]
Joe: Lucas, listen to me. I told Mitchell Beck that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here.
Lucas: Joe, that's not true. It's in Atlantic City... I swear.
Joe: Shut up, sit down, and don't you move.
Lucas: [sitting down] It could be in other cities by now...
Joe: Oh, shut up! Under no circumstances do I want you to leave that couch... unless it's to get me $9000, and then you bring it here to me, okay?
Lucas: Okay. You know, I think things are gonna be all right now, Joe.
Joe: Oh? And what makes you think that.
Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.
[nodding]
Lucas: Mmhmm!
Joe: ...What a moron.

Music:
The Dirt Clods – “Can’t Stop Losing Myself” & “Hey Joe”
The Cruel Sea – “The Honeymoon Is Over”
Noah Stone – “Dark and Brooding”
Quicksand – “Torn In My Side”
Sacrilicious – “I Don’t Know Why”
Real – “Real”
Ac/DC – “If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It)
Throwing Muses – “Snakeface”
Fill Tilt Gonzo – “Candy”
The Cranberries – “Liar” & “Now”
Peg Boy – “Hardlight”
Daniel Johnston – “Rock n Roll/EGA”
Fig Dish – “Chew Toy”
Fitz of Depression – “Power Shack”
Loose Diamonds – “Backdown Blues”
Mouth Music – “Tomorrow” & “Infinity”
Billy White Trio – “Surround You”
The Adolescents – “L.A. Girl”
Dead Hot Workshop – “Vinyl Advice”
Queen Sarah Saturday – “Seems”
Suicidal Tendencies – “I Shot The Devil”
Poster Children – “She Walks”
Sybil Vane – “Sorry”
Please – “Here It Comes Again”
Evan Dando – “The Ballad of El Goodo
Cyote Shivers – “Sugarhigh”
The Buggles – “Video Killed The Radio Star”
Ass Pony – “Little Bastard”
Dishwalla – “Counting Blue Cars”
Dire Straits – “Romeo and Juliet”
Gwar – “Saddam-a-go-go”
Sponge – “Plowed”
The The – “This Is The Day”
Drill – “What You Are”
Cracker – “Whole Lotta Trouble”
Gin Blossoms – “Till I Hear From You”
The Meices – “Ready Steady Go”
Lustre – “Nice Overalls”
Ape Hangers – “I Don’t Want To Live Today”
Edwyn Collins – “A Girl Like You”
The Martinis – “Free”
Toad The Wet Sprocket – “Crazy Life”
The Innocence Mission – “Bright As Yellow”
Better Than Ezra – “Circle Of Friends”
Flying Lizards – “Money (That’s What I Want)”

The fact that I even took the time to write all this just shows you how bored I am. Not to mention that it’s too damn hot outside (as high as 92° today!) to do anything. I seriously need to get a life!

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Jane Says

2006-05-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

I am determined that nothing but the deepest love
could ever induce me into matrimony.
~ Pride and Prejudice

I finally received Pride and Prejudice and watched it Friday night. You know the one, the most recent adaptation with Keira Knightly. Having already seen the best adaptation ever, in my opinion, of A&E’s 1995 mini series, this new version doesn’t even compare. There was just too much left out of the movie, and I really didn’t find many of the characters believable in their roles. With exception to Dame Judi Dench (she nailed Lady Catherine de Bourg) and Brenda Blethyn. Yet, I was still drawn in by the story; I could not help but be. I love these hopelessly romantic stories. The little girl in me still believes in the fairytale of true love, ever after and all that crap. That is not to say that the woman in me doesn’t, even through all the jadedness, she’s just a little more rational and realistic.

After watching Pride and Prejudice I ended up having a Jane Austen movie marathon this weekend. Seeing as I own Sense and Sensibility and Emma (I’ve got Mansfield Park too, but excluded it), I figured why not. I’d just overdose on hopeless romantic nostalgic notions of maybe one day; I too, will finally be united with my true love. It’s enough really to make one want to puke, myself included!

However, how can ones self deny the indulgence a little girl of her dreams…

Great Literature

I do have to say, that as many books as I have read, Jane Austen has not been one of them. While I was in school I refused to take any of the English literature classes that probably would have introduced me to all the great literature. Instead I took the literature class that focused on mythology. I was very much into mythology my sophomore year, I just wish that the teacher was a good one. She made this subject extremely uninteresting for me, I even went so far as to not complete a single assignment nor take any of the tests. All my papers consisted of my Name, class, period, and date. I kid you not. Needless to say I got an F in that class.

It was right as the second semester of that year ended that I got expelled from high school. I was in violation of my contract that I had signed, at our previous school mind you (San Leandro used to have a few high schools. There was San Leandro High, Pacific High, and Marina High. Marina was the first to close, and then a year or two after Pacific was closed. Depending on where we lived within the limits of San Leandro we were all dispersed to either San Leandro High or Arroyo in San Lorenzo. I was of the Pacific High Vikings.), and therefore was expelled from SLH and sent to Lincoln. Or as we all called it, Lincoln Tech. Lincoln is a continuation school where all the misfits are transferred to, or where transfers from other states or countries had to go to catch up with their class if they showed to be behind.

I eventually dropped out of high school altogether that same year. Lincoln was not challenging enough for me; I was bored and didn’t have the patience to sit it out until the next year when I could have been transferred back to SLH. The only reason why I got kick out of SLH in the first place was because I stubbornly refused to do any of the work in all of my classes, except for my art class and math for some reason. It mainly had to do with having to be at SLH and having most of the SLH teachers; Viking pride. I know it sounds silly, but my mom and both my uncle’s are Valhalla alumni, and the whole high school rivalry between the Vikings and the Pirates (SLH). As much as I defied high school I had Viking pride.

So lacking the formal high school education which most likely would have included me reading much of the works from some of the best writers in literature history, I now find myself seeking these books out when I go to used book stores or the retail chains. Next on my list of must read I will have to include the complete works of Jane Austen.

Changes, Boredom, and I Don't Give A Fuck!

2006-05-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Well I made a couple of changes to my blog. I got rid of the e-mail subscription from Bloglet.com. It just wasn’t working right. I forever had to go into the damn thing and check the connection. So I went and found a new one from FeedBlitz. It seems to be working like a champ, so far.

I had finally found out how to add a music player onto my blog with music from my own personal collection. It was working just fine for me when I first added it to my template but now it’s not loading up onto my page anymore. I even tried uploading all the songs onto a different web host but the damn thing is still not working. All I know is that I have now run out of patience with it, but I will figure it out! So until then I have made one through POQbum.com. You can even chose from 4 different styles of players. I can do without the extra addition to my list, but they have the right to advertise that the player was made through their website. Especially when people like me delete the link button to make your own player out of the html code. I just don’t like having all that unnecessary crap cluttering up my space.

When Boredom Happens

This is what happens when I am bored. I go surfing on the wide wonderful web looking for stuff I can play with. As you can see I found an animated gif program. This particular program that I found is GIF Movie Gear by Gamani. I’m liking it so far. I’ve got 30 days to play with the trial version of it before I have to pay $29.95 to be able to continue using it. So far I have made this little animation from a series of photos taken of Perttu during one particular concert. I have also made a couple of 50x50 avatars of Ville and Perttu that I can use on my deviantART account. I’ve got 29 more days left to play with the program to see what else I can do with it.

Yeah, I know I am too old, but I don’t give a FUCK!

The week after next, on the 23rd, Live is going to be at The Fillmore. The Bloody Munchkin will be going with me to this one. I’m not sure if she even really likes Live, but it is awesome of her to be going with me. I used to have a couple of concert buddies that would always be down to going to any concert, even if the band really weren’t a band they'd normally listen to. The one concert buddy moved all the way over to the East coast. She was always down to going to whatever, as long as it wasn’t too ‘heavy’ for her. (Gawd I miss ya Eri! You are always down for whatever, even trips into The City or where ever!) My other concert buddy is now married living up in Oregon (?, I think or Washington…one of the two anyway.). I think he only went to the concerts with me at the time because he was always trying to hook up with me. I had made it plain to him that he and I just weren’t cut out for that, that we were better off as friends. That way neither one of us would get hurt later on down the road and we’d still have our friendship. After I hooked up with Mr. Love the only concerts that I really went to anymore were up at Konocti in Clear Lake. Those concerts Wenchy and I went to. Mr. Love and I were all about the Ozzfest concerts. Ozzfest was more his type of music which was all right by me.

The Zumiez Couch Tour is coming to the South Bay with the FLIP SKATE TEAM: Geoff Rowley, Mark Appleyard, Rodrigo TX, Lance Mountain, Arto Saari, Bob Burnquist, Shane Cross, David Gonzalez with CKY and Revolution Mother featuring Mike V. And you bet your sweet ass I’m going to be there with my kid brother! This will be a great opportunity to get some skateboarding pictures. Plus some shots of CKY! I know this place is going to be fucking packed, but what a better place to get some cool pictures of the youth of today. A photographers Mecca!

Where:
Eastridge Mall – San Jose, CA: Sunday June 4

SCHEDULE
1:00pm Fun Begins
1:30-2:30 Flip Skate Team Demo
3:00-5:00 Flip Skate Team Autographs
3:30-4:00 Revolution Mother feat. Mike V
4:30 CKY
1:00-5:30pm Free Jones Soda, limited edition tour decks and tee shirts, custom tee shirts, prizes, music, and more!

Oh yeah, and it’s FREE!

"Break this bittersweet spell on me..."

2006-05-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, this picture really scares the hell out of me by how much he looks dead on like my ex.

You have no idea how much! Haungtingly so...

Bittersweet

I’m giving up the ghost of love
in the shadows cast on devotion

She is the one that I adore
creed of my silent suffocation

Break this bittersweet spell on me
lost in the arms of destiny

Bittersweet
I won’t give up
I’m possessed by her

I'm bearing her cross
She's turned into my curse

Break this bittersweet spell on me
lost in the arms of destiny

Bittersweet
I want you
I’m only wanting you
And I need you
I’m only needing you

Break this bittersweet spell on me
lost in the arms of destiny
Break this bittersweet spell on me
lost in the arms of destiny

Bittersweet...

Apocalyptica

2006-05-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

Perttu Kivilaakso.

I can't pronouce his name for the life of me. All I know is he is fucking georgeous! And he plays the cello... "FUCKING HOT!" This man makes playing the cello sexy. In all fairness, I really can't put into words how this man, to me, looks like a fucking God. Hauntingly striking. Watching him play is orgasmic. Just looking at him and watching him play takes my breath away. I know I am being completely shallow right now, and I don't care. I am totally drawn into guys that look like this. It is this 'dark' look that just speaks to me in volumes. I think the reason why I am so drawn to Perttu is that he really does remind me a lot of Mr. Love. The facial structure is almost to a T.

I've always loved the cello. To hear anyone play the cello is just amazing. The passion that flows through them while they play is unmistakable. There really is nothing quite like it. Although I have to say I'd never quite heard the cello played quite like Apocalytica plays them. Yeah sure, I've heard Metallica (which Apocalyptica has done a whole album in tribute to, and is equally as good) and the San Francisco Symphony play together. Metallica's S&M CD is one of my favorites. I love the blend of 'metal' music with the classical sounds of the Symphony. I think it is a great combination when it is arranged well. But I've not heard the likes of how Apocalyptica pulls it off.

"Imagine suddenly entering a dreamlike plane where the usual laws of information derived from perception seem not applicable. Your eyes are the quickest to adapt and yield the first impression: Sweat drips on four screaming cellos as their players, a quartet of concentrated young men, headbang in digital unison. As your senses are ripped open to absorb this primal and somewhat scary atmosphere, you hear the harsh sound of bows striking tortured strings. After penetrating your skull the decibel storm of raucous riffs and blistering glissandos starts rearranging the synapses in your brain. You have arrived on the territory of Tribe Apocalyptica."

Taken from off their Cult CD, I think that best describes the music of Apocalyptica.

I, for one, am mezmerized with every stroke of their bows.

Over 30 and I can't what??, you say...

2006-05-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

I was reading Miss Zoot’s blog yesterday when I came across this post of hers: ~~Spring~~ Summer Chicken. A radio station in her state of Alabama was taking calls the other morning about “What you think people should stop doing when you turn 30”. No one over 30 could call in. The list of things that these ~~dumb~~ young people called in to say people like me and others couldn’t do were: Basically anyone over 30 shouldn’t have piercings in any other area but your ear lobes, wear mini skirts, go clubbing or go to concerts, get tattoos, or shop in stores like Hot Topic and such. What next? People over 30 shouldn’t be having sex either?! WTF?!?

I’m going to be turning 38 this year. Just hearing and looking at that number makes me cringe. But it’s just a number. Age is just a number. It doesn’t replace how you feel inside. Just because you get older it doesn’t mean that your taste in music or clothes or style changes. Well okay, for some it does, but that is because they were all old and stuffy in the first place! J/K. What I am getting at is some people do change from what they were like as a teenager growing up. The 20’s are all about finding yourself. Finding your true identity, finding what makes you you. For some, they knew what their true identities were and haven’t changed them one bit. They are who they are.

But like I said, age is just a number. Yeah, I’m going to be 38 this year and guess what? I’ve already got a few concerts lines up that I’ve got tickets for. Hell, one of them is even a free concert for CKY! Hell yeah! Yeah, I may be too old in your young, inexperienced eyes but I still love my music and I’m not giving it up just because you think I am too old to go to concerts. You might as well tell those musicians who are up there on that stage playing their music for you that they are too old, or that they have to stop once they reach 30. Yeah, did ever stop to think how old some of those musicians are? You'd be surprised to know that not all musicians are in their twenties. Just you try and tell a musician that once they reach the age of 30 they can't play anymore! Music is their lives, in their blood. You might as well tell them that they are dead. I can guarantee that you'd get a "Go FUCK yourself!" and they aren't going to ask you if you want to buy a vowel either.

Piercing’s? Well, let’s see… I’ve got 5 in my left ear (had 6 but took it out years ago only because it was bugging the hell out of me), 4 in my right ear, and I got my nose pierced about 4 years ago. For me, those are all the piercing’s that I’ve ever wanted. I’m not looking to get my tounge, nipples, labia, belly button, or any other body part or any other cartilaged part pierced. But that is just me.

Tattoos? Well that is a whole 'nother story entirely! I love tattoos. I’ve only got a few, but I am working on my next 2, 3, 4… I’ve got my whole back planned out, somewhat, along with the outsides of my hips, thighs, and calves all the way down to my feet. It’s just a matter of getting the right drawings done and then the money to get them inked. Hell, I know an older woman who is in her 60's or 70's that finally got her first tattoo. And she is proud of it. She got it because she wanted it, that is how she felt. And I say more power to her!

And in the eyes of the younger generation we are too old to do any of these?! I might as well be fucking dead then! That’s like saying I can’t be me. I’ve got a little advice for the younger generation. Why don’t you try being yourself and not what you think your friends or anyone else thinks you should be! Try it. You might find it exhilarating. Free your soul.

Society already trys to restrict us of who we are and how we should be. That includes young and old! Society does not have the right to dictate who we should be. It is our right to be who we are and no one else's.

Free to be me you you, baby. Free to be me and you...

You be you, I be me!

BFD 2006

2006-05-03T19:13:00.000-07:00

For those of you not in the know, Live 105 is a local Bay Area alternative radio station out of San Francisco. Every year they throw one of the biggest alternative music festivals in Northern California, since June of 1994. BFD (Big Friggin' Day) usually takes place on the second Friday of June at the Shoreline Amphitheatre in Mountain View, California. This festival-style concert runs all day with up and coming bands performing on the festival stage during the day, and the more popular bands on the main stage at night.

I normally pass on this concert since there are usually only 1 or 2 bands that I might like to see, but not willing to shell out the money to see at this little fest. This year I am making an exception. There are only 2 bands that I want see, as usual.

So what makes this year special? Have you looked at the poster?! HIM is going to be playing on the main fucking stage this year! Now I won't have to go to Vegas to see them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I hate big venues and was just bitching about it yesterday that I'd like to see them at The House of Blues since it is a smaller venue. But realistically I can't afford to fly off to Vegas, plus pay for a hotel room, plus the ticket to the show. This is right in my own backyard and what I can afford. Well, not really, but who the fuck cares! I get to see fucking HIM again! (I told you I was obsessed with this band! But if I was really obsessed, let me tell you, I'd find some fucking way to meet Ville and molest his ass! It's a sickness, I tell ya!)

So who is the other band I'd like to see you ask? Well it sure in the hell isn't AFI and it sure the fuck isn't Franz Ferdinand. Not that I have anything against them per say, I just don't like their music. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs aren't too bad, but they aren't the other band either.

Echo & the fucking Bunnymen, that's who! Hell the fuck yeah!

HIM and Echo are the only two bands that I am going to this 'sea of too many fucking people for me!' fest for. Although I am really surprised to see that HIM is in this line up, but I can see why they were included. Live 105 is the only radio station here in the Bay Area (that I know of anyway) that plays HIM. Since their US release of the Dark Light album (their first album ever to be 'officially' released on a major US label) Live 105 has been playing the fuck out of Wings of a Butterfly. So okay, I guess I'll give them that. If I was the radio station, I'd want them to play in my little concert series too.

Tickets go on sale this Sunday at 10am. You know my ass is going to be signed onto Ticket Master at like 9:30 with my finger just itching to click on that buy tickets link. Hell yeah, only because I'm actually going to be getting reserved seating for this bastard. I want to try and get the best fucking seats available. I know I can kiss the first few rows for front and center goodbye. I hate that those tickets are already gone to the radio station and the damn fucking ticket brokers who sell them for an arm and a leg. I think that is a bunch of bullshit, but what can you do. Not a whole helluva fucking lot that's what! Bastards! At least I have a good chance of hopefully snagging some good seats.

BFD 2006
Saturday, June 10th
Shoreline Amphitheater

MAIN STAGE
AFI, The Strokes, Franz Ferdinand, HIM,
Echo & The Bunnymen, Every Move A Picture

FESTIVAL STAGE
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, She Wants Revenge,
The Sounds, Hard-Fi, Panic! At The Disco, Wolfmother, Thursday, Yellowcard, Anti-Flag, OK Go, Hush Sound

LOCAL LOUNGE STAGE
Street To Nowhere, Birdmonster, The Herms, DayOne Symphony, Two Seconds, Dear Kerosene

Plus, DJ Mike Relms (in between Main Stage sets)

NOTE: Final set order TBD day of show.

Killing Loneliness

2006-05-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

5/11/06
Note: Okay, I got rid of the video. I was tired of having it pop on everytime I opened my blog. So, if you really, truely want to hear the new HIM video you can click on either of the links. They will each take you to either their website or their MySpace page. I'd go for the MySpace page since they have it up playing right there.

HIM - "Killing Lonleliness"
HIM's MySpace Page

Thank fucking gawd!

They finally released another video.

I was getting sick of hearing the Wings Of A Butterfly song. Don't get me wrong, the video for that song is visually awesome, but I heard that song to death. It was the only song available to listen off of the new Dark Light album before its official release, and I played the fuck out of that song to the point of wanting to poke someone's eye out if I heard one more fucking time!

I don't know, I can't explain it... I love this band a lot. I had heard a song here and there a few years ago (Bam Margera also loves this band, but I never put the two together when I would watch his shit. Funny really.) but they didn't grab me like they did In March of 2004 when Mr. Love broke my heart. Okay, so I have a thing for tall, skinny, long dark haired, inked men. Ville Valo (the lead singer) was also a key factor in my obsession with this band. Like YOU never listened to a band because of a certain member that either made you wet or gave you a hard-on, or both! Well, this band and Ville are just that for me.

It's not a bad video, Ville looks actually a lot healthier in this one. Maybe he has laid off all the boozin', it definitely shows if he has. This song also happens to be one of my favorites from off the album. My ultimate fav is Under The Rose. I wonder if it will ever make it as a singe and a video. Who the hell knows! I just wish they were coming back to California. The closest they are coming is to Las Vegas at The House of Blues on June 8th. The last time I saw them was at The Download Festival at The Shoreline back on Ocotber 8, 2005. Don't get me wrong, I love going to Ozzfest which is always at the Shoreline, but I am a small venue chick. I missed HIM when they played at the Warfield back at the beginning of 2005, and that was a pretty small venue. The House of Blues would be just the ticket. I'm seriously thinking of taking a little Vegas Holiday and seeing 'em again. I dunno yet. We'll see...

Anyway, just thought I'd share.

Okay, now it's just CREEPY!

2006-04-24T18:13:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one that has one of these?

I mean com'mon! Just fucking go away already!

Yes, I have an internet stalker. His name is Slater. You know, as in Christian. And he wanted to know how come I didn't chose Dior. Dior?!?! Why in the fuck would I even think of Dior? WTF!? Do I even look like a Christian Dior kind of girl. Uhm, that would be a big fat... NO!

I'm sure most of you all heard the story of this guy dating my best friend, Wenchy. The ONLY fucking reason why I even met him in the first place. (You know how it is. A girl has got to watch her Wench's back!) So why is it after Wenchy stopped seeing him he is STILL reading my blog and my blog on My Space?!

WHY I ask you!? What in the hell compells you to have to read what I write every fucking week? I've noticed that you haven't been checking it daily like you used to and have gotten it down to about 1-2 times a week. But com'mon! The only reason why you first read my blog was because of Wenchy. I mean let's face it. You and I are not friends, not even close. So why would you keep on reading my stuff? It's not like you would have happened upon my blog on your own. I just don't get it. Are you man enough to even asnwer any of my questions? I think not, you don't have the balls. I think you will just sit in the background and continue to stalk me.

Seriously. Does anyone else out there have one of these?? I mean, yeah sure, you guys out there read this, but I've never met you. I've got my friends who read this too, but that's just it. They are my friends and I gave them the address. This guy is basically an aquaintance, whom I rarely ever see, if I can help it. And honestly, he never would have found my blog on his own.

Wouldn't you think it a little odd too if you had a guy like this stalking you?

A year ago...

2006-04-21T22:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow marks a year since I started this thing. I can't believe that I've kept at it for a year. Not every single day, but still. I've talked about many things within this thing...from talking about absolutely nothing to exposing a lot of myself on here. "You think you know, but you have no idea!" Sorry, I couldn't pass that up.

I've been through one hell of a ride in the past year. From the love of my life leaving me, to someone who was the bigget part of my life, my Grammy, leaving me. Which I took better than the love of my life leaving me. Funny how we can handle one thing better than we can others.

Yet they are both still a very big part of my life today. I still talk to Mr. Love from time to time. Just a couple of weekends ago I even went and saw him and the damn dog. It was okay, it was the first time I had seen him since we broke up for good. I missed my friend and my friend was very present that day. It felt good just talking to him like I always did before we got together. Then again, it was my friend that I fell in love with. So I don't know if it's a god thing or not. So far so good, said the man as he was falling from a 50 story building at mid point.

Not a day passes that I don't think of my Grammy. I pass her street on the way home every single day, and I still look down the street and see her house. I just don't have it in me to actually turn down the street and go to the house. I haven't been in the house since she passed away. I've been trying to psyche myself into going over this weekend. We still need to pack up the house. My mom hasn't been there for too long either. I think it is harder for her than it is me. She really took my Grammy's death the hardest. Still too many unresolved issues with those two. She never got to make her peace with her mother. I made my peace with my Grammy a long time ago. What happened in the past was in the past, can't linger there or it will eat you up. I think it is still eating away at my mom. I just wish I could really talk to my mom about it, but my mom and I never had that kind of relationship. Which is a cycle this family seems to pass on with the women. I think that is why I want a little girl so bad, I want to break that cycle. My mom and I are a lot closer than we used to be, so that is a start.

Anyway, I think that is enough rambling for tonight. I think I am going to pop in and watch Valley Girl again.

"Fuck you! Fuck off, for sure! Like, totally!"

I think I've been here before...

2006-04-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

Or for the last 22 miles either.

"Happiness is a warm bong..."

2006-04-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Fucking piece of shit!

2006-03-30T00:32:00.000-08:00

Back in October/November of last year my Archos Jukebox hard drive took a shit on me. It looked similar to the one pictured on the left. I had the 20GB version. I loved this thing! I hated the fact that its portable functionality was not as desirable as an iPod. It was a bit weighty and it got really warm when it was on, as most external hard drives are and do. But I really did love this thing. I loved how as an external hard drive I could access all my folders directly and could ‘manage’ them the way I wanted to. I could add folders, rename my mp3’s, and move them all around any which way I wanted to. Yet I was still able to access all my mp3’s and play them through whichever player I wanted to on my computer or unplug it from my computer and play my mp3’s straight off of it.

When my hard drive finally took a shit on me, I was pretty upset that I’d have to buy a new mp3 player/external hard drive. Being the lazy ass that I am, I didn’t look into seeing what Archos had possibly redesigned their 20GB player into now. I just said fuck it, went to Best Buy and bought the 30GB iPod in black. After all, iPod is all the fucking rage right? So, why not? So, I did.

I don’t know why I gave into buying the damned thing. I hate Apple and its products. What experiences I have had with MAC computers have not been good. I just find that the interface with the Windows based computer a lot easier and a lot more user friendly. Don’t get me wrong, Windows has its shares of problems, just like any computer does, but it is really just an easier system to understand. After playing with this fucking iPod and trying to figure out its external hard drive function and everything else, I’ve come to find that I still HATE Apple products!

First off I hate the fact that you have to download iTunes onto your computer and is the only way to export the mp3’s onto the fucking thing. There is no drag and drop functionality from one drive to the other, or from folder to folder.

Second thing up, I hate the fact that you have to download your CDs onto your computer into iTunes before you can add them to the fucker! What the fuck?!? That takes up fucking space. The whole point of getting a 30GB mp3 player was to avoid taking up all that space on my computer!

And my last complaint, I hate the fact that I can not go in and manage my mp3’s. I can’t rename them, I can’t add folders or manage the folders that are there the way I want them, which means that I also can not move around and manage my mp3’s the way I want to. What the fuck?! Have you gone into the folders on your iPod and tried looking at your songs? How in the hell can you even tell what song is which without having to looking it up?! It looks like when the song is exported onto the iPod through the fucking iTunes that it only takes the first letter from every word in the song and that is now the song name. How fucking lame. Again, I HATE MY FUCKING IPOD!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The damn battery doesn’t last as long as it claims to say it does either. It pisses me off that I might have to take it in to get the fucking battery replaced just because it could be that I just happen to get an iPod that has a bad battery. But what the fuck?! I shouldn't have to, I bought the thing brand fucking new and expect to have a battery that lasts as long as it states.

I hate the fucking thing so much that I haven’t even taken the time to figure out how to delete all the songs that I’ve got on there to start all over and try to figure out how to maybe make this damn thing into something I might be able to possibly tolerate. I only got it so I can have something a little bit more pleasingly portable for my music only. I haven’t tried adding any videos or adding any of my pictures or any fucking thing else this damn thing is capable of doing.

Is it just me or am I the only one that hates their fucking iPod?!

You've got to be kidding me!

2006-03-29T19:42:00.000-08:00

Crazy Cat Terrorizes Connecticut Town

FAIRFIELD, Conn. - Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.

"He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons."

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.

Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.

Solveira also arrested the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.