Opening A Whole Can Of Worms

Saturday, February 4th

I was surprised when I answered my cell phone this afternoon. It was David. I haven’t talked to him since November. As soon as he started talking to me I could tell something was wrong. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough time to talk to him. I was getting ready to go to yet another funeral. I told him I’d call him later tonight.

“You really need to talk to me don’t you?” I asked him.

“Yeah”

“I promise I will call you tonight, okay. I promise.”

“Okay.”

I tried calling him so many times tonight. All I kept getting was a message saying that his mail box was full. I wish I would have made the time to talk to him, even if was just for a little bit. I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was not okay. I’m really concerned that I was not able to get a hold of him. It makes me worry when he is like this and I can’t get a hold of him. I just hope he is okay. I will try to call him again through out the day tomorrow.

I ran into another old friend today, Hank. Hank is also a friend of Wenchy’s family and knew her grandfather, and came down for the funeral.

I’ve known Henry for a little over 10 years I think now. Right off the bat we’d always had this intense chemistry and always flirted with each other, really bad. At first I would just play along with it. It was harmless enough, no one was getting hurt. One day I decided I’d call his bluff though, I wanted to see if he’d back up his words. I raised the stakes and called him and laid out all the cards on the table. He thought he could buff me. As soon as I called him on it, he ran scared. Which was no biggie; no harm, no foul. It was all in good fun. We were still friends and we still flirted every time we saw each other.

The last time I saw him was just in October, at Wenchy’s uncle’s funeral. It was just the same as always, the intense chemistry and all the flirting. Only that time, Hank was the one raising the stakes with me. I was just brushing it off though as Hank just being Hank. I knew as soon I saw him today that today was going to be no different. After all, flirting with each other is what Hank and I do best. Only this time it was different, and I wasn’t the only one seeing it. Hank was really coming on to me, more than usual. Of course I played right along with it. I don’t know what made me change the way I was playing my hand, but I did.

He was telling me how when we were younger he had a thing for me and I told him that yeah I knew. Then I also reminded him that I had also given him a chance back then and he chickened out. He admitted to me that he was scared of me (what is it with me and scaring boys??) and that he wasn’t a boy anymore and that I don’t scare him now. He also said a lot of other things, and I do mean a lot! The one thing you have to know about Hank, he can talk your fucking ear off. Can we say Ritalin??? In all seriousness though, Hank is really a nice guy. He just needs to learn how to drop it down a few notches.

I dunno, something in me said, “Why not?” I guess I want to see if he is full of shit again, so I ended up putting my number in his cell phone. He said to watch, he’d call me. I then put his number in my cell phone too. He’s now living up in El Dorado. I don’t know if I really planned on calling him. I wanted to see if he’d really call me.

After everyone all left, Wenchy and I decided we needed to go out and drink, so we headed to Porky’s. Hank mentioned that he had one other place to go before heading back up home. I figured I’d text him and see what he was doing. By that time he was already on I5 headed back home. He said that he’d like a rain check; he’d really like to go out drinking with us soon.

This is where I then preceded texting him that he smelled good and that it made me want to molest him. He said that I did too and so did he and we need to get together soon. So I asked him what about next weekend up in Ukiah. He isn’t too sure about next weekend, said he’d have to get back to me later on that and that he’d call me later tonight. I said okay.

Well did call me later when he finally got home. We talked for awhile. He asked me about my ex and how long it had been since I was with him and stuff. I explained most of it to him, he understood. He said he’d call me tomorrow or the next to see if he’d be able to make to Ukiah next weekend.

What the fuck did I just do?!? What in the hell am I getting myself into?!? Am I really ready for this kind of shit again? Or is that I just want to get laid! If it is just the latter I’m only going to be playing with fire and someone is going to get burned, and that is not good. I need to find out where my true intentions are. I don’t like games and I don’t want to be the one playing them.

Well, it is only just one weekend. We’re all friends just going out to have a good time up in Wenchy’s neck of the woods. I’ll just play it by ear and be straight up with him about it all. No harm, no foul, right.

He did smell good and it did make me want to molest him, I didn’t lie about that. I just don’t know if I can actually go through with it.

Shit! Who’s the chicken shit now!

Who’s calling whose bluff now?

Ugh!