I had a strange dream last night that had a message to it. I’m sure I can guess why I had the dream, but who was in the dream I still can’t figure out. I haven’t even watched anything lately with him in it. Hell, I fell asleep last night watching Snatch! So WTF?!?
Hmmm, can you guess who?! Yes. The main person in my dream was Adrian Grenier, of all people. Not that I’m complaining, he’s a good enough looking guy. I actually quite like him. But the dream itself was just weird!
It started off with me and a friend (what friend of mine it was I have no fucking clue. Dreams are good at being vague like that!) were attending some kind of function that Live 105 or Alice was having. It seemed to be like a meet and greet function, of what kind, I couldn’t even tell you. All I know is that Adrian was there to meet and greet, of course, his fans. Hell, it might have even been an Entourage type of thing. No fucking clue!
It was held at a place similar to The Fillmore, but completely different, if you know what I mean. Dreams are funny like that! Anyway, my friend and I show up just as Adrian was walking out to his table. As I was getting ready to walk over to the table our eyes locked. I was mesmerized by his eyes. I couldn’t stop looking into them. They were the strangest blue-grey I’d ever seen. I can remember thinking to myself that the color of his eyes were going to have a much deeper meaning to me, that would come into play later on in the dream. All I knew at that moment was that he and I were now forever connected in a way that was mystery.
Eyes locked, I am being pulled and start walking towards him. He’s smiling that big smile of his, right at me, and looking at me as if I was the only person in the world. (Yeah, don’t I wish shit like that really happens! LOL) I’m vaguely aware of my friend by my side. I get to the table and our eyes are still locked on just each other and smiling as if we were the two craziest people in the world. We start talking. I remember mention something about Entourage to him and he just smiles even more at me. I ask him if we can take some pictures together. “Of course. Anything you want”, he says. “Anything?” I flirt back at him. “Anything!” he says with a smile. I’m done! If he asked me to do anything I wouldn’t question it and just do it!
However I must be able to function in some kind of mental capacity because I realize that I don’t have my camera on me. I left it in my purse, which I was able to put in a safe place somewhere at this venue we were at. I ask my friend if she can go get it for me, which she then walks off to do. She comes back a little while later and says she can’t find it. So now I’m thinking that I’m gonna have to go find it myself. Great! He told me to go ahead and go look for it, that he would still be there waiting for me. He’s looking into my eyes with those damn eyes of his, just pulling me into him. Then leans into me and gives me a lingering kiss on my cheek. That’s it! I’m his, completely!
My friend asked me if I was sure I had left it where I had said I did. I’m frantically telling her, “Yeah! I know I fucking left it here! Someone must have moved it, the bastard!” So now I’m running around this place that has so many fucking floors, trying to find my fucking purse. This seems like an eternity! But I eventually find it and haul ass back down to where Adrian was waiting for me.
As soon as I get him in my sights I see he is getting ready to leave. I hurry over to where he is and ask him if he’d still take some pictures with me. “Of course!” he says to me, and tells me to follow him. He starts walking to the parking garage; I’m a little bit behind him, talking with my friend. Saying how we can’t believe we are going to hang out with Adrian. Just as I turn my attention back to him I see him disappear around a corner. I yell, “Todd! Todd, wait up!” (Yeah, I dunno why, but his name was fucking Todd in the dream. It’s a dream, who in the hell knows why we dream the shit we dream. They just happen that way.) I can hear him calling back to me, “Com’mon!”
Now being as most dreams make no sense in they way the go, the next thing I know I catch up to him and were are no longer in the parking garage. We ended up crossing over into an area with grass, trees, and walkways that looked like we were now on some kind of huge college campus. There were students every where, going here and there. It’s just me and him now; my friend just kind of vanished.
Adrian (Todd) was in a very playful mood, and we were running round just having a good time. The next thing I know we are with a bunch of sorority chicks and fraternity guys that were on their way to some kind of table they had set up for something. Adrian takes off with them and I’m trying to keep up. I finally catch up to him and the sorority/frat kids at their table. Or at least I thought I caught up to him. I realize that he’s not with them and begin looking around for him and see that he slipped off another way. I see him and he’s laughing, telling me to “Com’mon!”
I catch up to him again and the next thing I know we are completely alone. It was like everybody just vanished (along with my friend). It was now turning to dusk. I remember looking up the sky and thinking that the sky had changed. Everything now had a surreal look. I then knew that this was the moment that I was waiting for. There was something about him that enabled him to change things, it was his eyes. But why me?
The next thing I knew he was talking to me, telling all kind of things about this and that. They all had to do with love and sex. All the while I’m listening to him he’s changing me. Turning me into another person. I can’t explain it, but I know I am not the same person I just was.
I take off running. He’s following me. I’m not sure where I’m running to, but I have a specific destination in mind. I end up in the French Quarter of New Orleans. I then turn down an ally between two of the buildings to the back side of a brothel/strip club. I work here. I run through the courtyard and start to run up the stairs as they wind their way up three stories. I stop about mid way up. I know that he has followed me here, I can see him watching me from down in the courtyard.
I’m hardly wearing any cloths. I’m in all white lingerie. I’ve got on a sexy bra, g-string, garter belt, stockings, and high heels on. I sit down on one of the stairs; I’m mid way up the stairs, between floors. I lean back with my arms above me, my legs stretched out, slightly open. Taunting him, teasing him. I then begin to do a little tease dance all for him. I can see him watching every move I make. He’s not taking his eyes off of me. The next thing I know he runs up the stairs to me takes me by the hand and pulls me to him.
Next thing I know we are on a bed somewhere outside, excluded from the rest of the world. We are having the best sex I’d ever had. And I know that he feels the same thing I do. He knows that we connected in a way he’s never felt before. He’s trying to play it off like it’s no big thing, but he’s not hiding his feeling very well. I’m seeing right through him.
Now we are dressed, standing in the courtyard of the place that I had run off to. It’s just a regular building now. I’m me again, not the stripper girl I just was. I am me again, but I can remember everything that just happened. I can remember the great sex that we just had, and I can see that he is remembering it also, but he starts talking to me about how sex should be meaningful and full of feelings and a connection shared between two people. I’m agreeing with him and looking at him like I’m confused, not understanding why he is telling me this. Then he tries to use what had just happened between him and me as an example. “But what we just shared was just what you were talking about. And I know you felt the same thing I did, I can see it in your face.” I tell him. He just looks me in a fluster way and says, “But that is beside the point!”
And then the dream ended. Or more like, I should say, I then woke up out of a dead sleep because I know that I have over slept and was probably late for work! I looked at the clock. Sure ‘nough! I’ve got an hour to get my ass in the shower and to work! Shit!
I didn’t have too much time to think about the dream as I was hurrying to get my ass to work on time. I did have some time to think about it in the car on my way to work. Then I thought about it some more as I was at work. I just kept thinking to myself, “What the fuck!”
First it was... “Why in the hell did I dream about Adrian? Or more to the point, why in the hell did I dream of Adrian being a Todd??”
Then it was… “What the fuck was that all about?!”
It wasn’t until later on in the day after getting off the whole Adrian/Todd thing that I realized that the dream had to do with my fucking a certain person. The Slut might think that she is control of me, but she has no idea. The sensible, reasonable me knows that what I did was just wrong, for me. I’m just not that person; I’m more like Adrian/Todd. I’m a person that needs more than just the physical sensations of getting off. I always have been. That’s just me. This dream was just my subconscious reminding me who I am.
Dreams are funny like that.
The last couple of weeks has been a little hectic and stressful. Just when I thought my life couldn't get any more fucked up, Murphy's Law came and fucked me from behind. It wouldn't have been so bad had there been a little lubrication to ease the pain.
Okay, so maybe it's not as bad as all that. I have a way of fucking things up all on my own without any help from good ole Murphy. However, one of my problems was actually out of my control. The other is the usual money problems. I spend way more than I get. You’d think I’d learn by now!
On the 14th of last month my car decided to take a shit on me, AGAIN! I drove into work with no problem. I even took off for lunch with no problem getting back to work. Although I did have this funny feeling about my car as I was pulling back into the parking lot at work. Sure enough as I got in my car to leave for the evening, the bitch just wouldn't turn over. Great! Just what I fucking needed again. What sucked was that it now meant that I was not going to be able to make it to the bachelorette party that Saturday. Bastard! What sucked even more was hearing about the great time everyone had at Asia SF with the stripper and everything else. Yeah, everyone but me!
Best of all, my car is still sitting in my driveway becoming one of the biggest, dirtiest paper weights ever. Yeah, I still haven't gotten it looked at to see what in the hell the malfunction is this time. My uncle still has not taken the time to come by and see what the fuck its problem is. I think I'm going to have to give him a little ringy dingy and get his ass over here. For now I am driving my kid brothers other car that is a bigger piece of shit than mine. Like I should talk! At least it runs, unlike mine at the moment. Let me give you a little visual on his piece of shit though.
I can't remember what year the fucking thing is, but it's a Chrysler Sebring convertible, '97 I think. A convertible, not bad, you say. Wrong! It's a convertible that has no back window as that got shattered not too long after my brother got it. He was putting the top down one day and it just shattered. So yeah, that looks pretty ghetto. Now you'd think that with this nice Summer California weather we've been having that would not be such a big deal since it's a convertible and should be driven with the top down this time of the year anyway. Yeah, and you'd be right... If all the windows actually would roll down. I tried putting the top down last week but the rear window behind the driver’s seat will not go down, at all. Again, that looks pretty fucking ghetto, so I put the top back up. Next in line we have the stereo, which is actually a bomb ass stereo system. It's got great bass and all that. However, if you turn the fucking stereo up too much and get all that bass going the fucking doors rattle like hell. Apparently my brother really didn't give a rat’s ass about how well he took care of the car cause now the door panels on the inside are no longer completely attached to the doors anymore. You have to be careful when opening up either door as the panels stick to part of the door molding, which you have to be careful not to try and open the doors with any force as they will fling back shut, ripping the door handle out of your finger tips (which hurt by the way when you have nails!). Nice! So now I'm rolling in a convertible that rocks ghetto style as the doors reverberate with every beat of the bass. I've always wanted to know how it felt to be ghetto fabulous. Now I know! Be careful what you wish for girls, cause chances are it will come true.
Uhm, what else? Oh yeah. I fucked someone that I shouldn’t be fucking. At all. I didn’t plan it, that’s for sure. It just kind of happened. I called up one of the exes, you might remember him as the Cling-On, just checking up on him to see if things have gotten any better for him. He sounded a lot better; he was out of the house and partying. Then I got a text message at 3 in the morning by him asking, “what’s up?” Uh, sleeping! The next thing I know he’s asking me if I want to come over and have some ‘fun’. You’ve got to be kidding me!? I guess he is feeling much, much better. So we are texting back and forth for about an hour. Mainly him trying to get me to come over and fuck him, which I didn’t end up doing. I text him the next day asking him what the hell that was all about and he says that he was fucked up. Great! “So you text me at 3 o’clock in the morning to fuck with me and see what I’d say?” I text him. Of course he’s all no, no, no, it wasn’t like that at all. He tried getting me to come over again, but I resisted. The next day rolled around and the more I thought about it the more I just said to myself, what the fuck. Why not? It’d been awhile since I had a good fuck, let alone a decent fuck. I figured since he was an ex at least I’d know what to expect. That was the one thing I didn’t have any complaints about in our relationship. The sex was always pretty damn good. So what do I do? I took him up on his offer and drove myself on up to his house. What I should have done was just stay the fuck home and leave well enough alone. But NO! My horny self over rode any rational thought process I had and just pushed the sensible me right the fuck out the door and locked it.
So I get there and we just watched the TV for awhile. All the while in my head I’m thinking this is probably not going to take that long to get him off since it had been over a year since he probably had any sex. With all the medication that he was on they left nothing for the sex drive. However, I was soon to be shown otherwise. Not only was he fucking rock hard but lasted a good hour. I guess that was one good side effect from all the drugs he was taking. Although I ended up being left out in the cold. I couldn’t get off to save my fucking life, so that fucking sucked. Oh well. Lesson learned? Hell no! But that comes a little later.
Now the week was upon me to get ready for the wedding that I went to just this past weekend. Now I hate shopping for clothes, let alone a fucking dress! I finally ended up finding one on-line just in time. What was even more awesome was that the fucker actually fit and looked half way decent. Then what with everything with my car and not trusting my brother’s car I was now in need of a rental car to get my ass to Murphys for the weekend where the wedding was being held, at Ironstone Winery. I had already reserved a room for the entire weekend. This was more money I was going to have to spend. I was originally going to drive up with Mr. Love, but he called the week before telling me that he now planned on driving up either the night before or the day of the wedding and driving back the same night after. Well fuck! Time for a new plan for me. I guess he didn’t trust being in the same hotel room with me the whole weekend. Not like anything was going to happen anyway. Well, okay, so maybe I was hoping that there would be some kind of action. But I knew that the chances of that happening were like me winning the lottery. Nada gonna happen in this lifetime! Anyway, I lucked out and got a Chevy Equinox for only $78 for the weekend.
It turned out to be a great weekend despite all my fantasy illusions. I left Friday morning and got up there around 2 in the afternoon. After I arrived everyone else started trickling in. The majority of them all had to go to the rehearsal dinner so there weren’t many of us hanging about the hotel. I took off to go find something to eat and brought it back to the hotel. I started looking in the book that the hotel puts inside all the rooms listing what the hotel rules are, things to do around town, and what-not. There was a map in there of the town and saw a road that said Cemetery Road. As soon as I saw that I was down in the lobby with my new camera in hand asking if in fact there was a cemetery on Cemetery Road. Leave it to me to find the cemetery where ever I go! The girl behind the desk confirmed there was and I was off! I ended up spending about an hour there taking a shit load of pictures. I then ended up down the road where it drops you off at Main Street. Found a cute little bed and breakfast nestled in some trees and took some pictures of that too. Then I took some pictures of Main Street from where I was. By that time it was getting pretty late and not getting enough sun so I headed back to the hotel.
Not too long after returning to the hotel the bridal party came back and it was party time! The guys all took off into one room to play poker and party the night away. The girls all got together in another room to do a little bit of partying of their own. Most of us ended up just popping squat in front of the hotel and partying out there. A good majority of the girls were all smokers and the hotel rooms were all non-smoking rooms. It just made more since to just kick it outside and party it out there. After the hot day the cool evening felt much better than the air conditioner. I was really surprised that we didn’t end up having any complaints about all the noise we were making. You get some of those girls pickled with alcohol and whoa boy will they get loud. One in particular was the groom’s sister who was also one of the bridesmaid’s. By 1 in the morning she was pretty wasted. I knew that she was going to be hurting the next morning, since they all had to be at the hair dressers at 9 to get all done up for the wedding. She was hurting the next day! LOL
The wedding was a blast. The bride was absolutely stunning and the groom was as handsome as ever. She pulled up in a horse drawn carriage that was just so picture perfect. I managed to miss getting a picture, of course! And the setting was just as picture perfect, it was held at Ironstone Vineyards outside set against the natural beauty of the Sierra Foothills, where the Lakeside Park, enchanting flowers, wood-covered bridges and sprawling grapevines provided colorful backdrop. Okay, that little bit I actually stole from their website. I think they described it a lot better than I could have. The whole wedding party looked just as beautiful and handsome as the bride and groom.
As it was also the 4th of July weekend, the vineyard also had a 4th of July celebration with a live band playing and a fireworks display planned for later in the evening. We all stuck around for the fireworks display then we all headed back to our hotels. Mr. Love left the wedding earlier in the evening since he was so intent on driving back home that day. Always the party pooper that one is. I was surprised he stayed as long as he did. He showed up, that was good enough.
After we all get back to the hotel it was later learned that one of the bride’s co-worker’s that showed up for the wedding got pulled over for a DUI. She ended up calling the bride and groom and they were actually going to pick her ass up from the sheriff’s department at 4 in the morning. I’m sorry, but at 35 you should know better than to be drinking and driving. I would have left her ass in the drunk tank! Okay, not really. Being the nice person that I am I would have done the same as them. However, someone else offered to go get her for them so they wouldn’t have to. They did end up taking her to get her car out of impound though at like 8 in the morning. From what I hear this chick was hysterical the whole time, from when she got picked up by the cop until she got her car out of impound. Well, I hope she learned her lesson. She was told by numerous people at the wedding, including from the bride, not to drive. But she did anyway.
I took my time driving home the next day. On my way out from the hotel I asked the girl again behind the desk where in Angel’s Camp the cemeteries were. Oh com’mon now! If you have been paying any attention at all through out this damn blog, I LOVE cemeteries! Since I don’t know when I will ever be up that way again I wanted to hit as many cemeteries that I could on the way out. Turns out there are 3 cemeteries in Altaville, located just on the northwest portion of Angel’s Camp. I found the Altaville Protestant Cemetery, Catholic Cemetery, and Lode Cemetery. At least that is the names I have found them to be here on the web. The Protestant Cemetery was the only one of the three that actually had a sign, the others just had a sign posted warning about vandalism. I walked around all three, just shooting away with my camera. What I love about cemeteries are seeing all the different style headstones that are used. I found quite a few that I have never seen before until now. Now I have the task of actually sitting down and taking the time to go through all the photos and editing the best out of the lot.
So this was all on Sunday. After getting back home I was trying to just relax, but after being gone all weekend and from the long drive back, I was feeling pretty restless and bored. I still had a few hours yet until I had to return the Equinox, which I really did not want to part with. (I think I found my new car!) I ended up texting you know who. I actually text him asking him if he wanted to go and see a movie later in the evening, but he text back that he was broke. So what do I go and do? I text him asking him if he wanted to fuck then. Yeah, I have no couth sometimes. I pretty much say what is on my mind, straight and to the point. I think I was pretty straight and to the point on that one. I really didn’t think he’d bite, I figured last weeks little rumble tumble was it. I guess I figured wrong. He came over and we watched Donnie Darko, all the while he had his hand down his pants stroking his cock. I have to say that, yes in deed, that was turning me on. There’s just something about a man stroking his cock that I love. I wanted to take my time with him though. I managed to make it through the entire movie before asking him if he wanted a helping hand. Although I did tell him that it looked like he was doing a pretty good job there on his own. But being in the slut mode that I seemed to be in, I just couldn’t resist feeling his hard cock in my hand and in my mouth. I was going to make myself wait to feel him deep inside some where else. And let me tell you, I was pretty much throbbing for it already at this point. What a Slut!
This time around I actually got off. And oh my gawd was it a long time coming! In the moment if felt fucking great, but it was missing something. It felt empty, emotionless. Well, what did I expect? It was only just a fuck anyway, right? Yep, and that’s just what it was alright. Just a fuck. I’m finding that I’m not that person. I can’t do just fucks, I need something more there. I need the emotions, I need the feelings. Mr. Love changed me in more ways than I ever thought. Not that I used to just fuck people before I got together with him. I’ve always had some kind of emotions or feelings for the person I was having sex with, you know, at least some kind of attraction. Other than just feeling totally horny, I didn’t feel a damn thing. I can tell he wasn't feeling anything but the sensations of fucking, he was completely gone somewhere else inside his head. So maybe it’s just best if he and I don’t hook up again. We don’t need to be starting anything neither one of us have any intentions of finishing. Lord knows I’m not looking for that from him. Hell, all I wanted was a fuck. Well I guess I got fucked alright, by me. I keep telling myself that that was it, no more. Yet I can’t keep the slut at bay, she is still rearing her ugly head. She wants more, what she got the other night was not enough. I keep telling myself that that was it, no more. But the slut keeps telling me, “Who the fuck are you fooling?!” I mean, shit, it’s only sex right? Right…? Fuck!
I had a strange dream last night that had a message to it. I’m sure I can guess why I had the dream, but who was in the dream I still can’t figure out. I haven’t even watched anything lately with him in it. Hell, I fell asleep last night watching Snatch! So WTF?!?
Eyes locked, I am being pulled and start walking towards him. He’s smiling that big smile of his, right at me, and looking at me as if I was the only person in the world. (Yeah, don’t I wish shit like that really happens! LOL) I’m vaguely aware of my friend by my side. I get to the table and our eyes are still locked on just each other and smiling as if we were the two craziest people in the world. We start talking. I remember mention something about Entourage to him and he just smiles even more at me. I ask him if we can take some pictures together. “Of course. Anything you want”, he says. “Anything?” I flirt back at him. “Anything!” he says with a smile. I’m done! If he asked me to do anything I wouldn’t question it and just do it!
Adrian (Todd) was in a very playful mood, and we were running round just having a good time. The next thing I know we are with a bunch of sorority chicks and fraternity guys that were on their way to some kind of table they had set up for something. Adrian takes off with them and I’m trying to keep up. I finally catch up to him and the sorority/frat kids at their table. Or at least I thought I caught up to him. I realize that he’s not with them and begin looking around for him and see that he slipped off another way. I see him and he’s laughing, telling me to “Com’mon!”
I take off running. He’s following me. I’m not sure where I’m running to, but I have a specific destination in mind. I end up in the French Quarter of New Orleans. I then turn down an ally between two of the buildings to the back side of a brothel/strip club. I work here. I run through the courtyard and start to run up the stairs as they wind their way up three stories. I stop about mid way up. I know that he has followed me here, I can see him watching me from down in the courtyard.
First it was... “Why in the hell did I dream about Adrian? Or more to the point, why in the hell did I dream of Adrian being a Todd??”
