A year ago...

Tomorrow marks a year since I started this thing. I can't believe that I've kept at it for a year. Not every single day, but still. I've talked about many things within this thing...from talking about absolutely nothing to exposing a lot of myself on here. "You think you know, but you have no idea!" Sorry, I couldn't pass that up.

I've been through one hell of a ride in the past year. From the love of my life leaving me, to someone who was the bigget part of my life, my Grammy, leaving me. Which I took better than the love of my life leaving me. Funny how we can handle one thing better than we can others.

Yet they are both still a very big part of my life today. I still talk to Mr. Love from time to time. Just a couple of weekends ago I even went and saw him and the damn dog. It was okay, it was the first time I had seen him since we broke up for good. I missed my friend and my friend was very present that day. It felt good just talking to him like I always did before we got together. Then again, it was my friend that I fell in love with. So I don't know if it's a god thing or not. So far so good, said the man as he was falling from a 50 story building at mid point.

Not a day passes that I don't think of my Grammy. I pass her street on the way home every single day, and I still look down the street and see her house. I just don't have it in me to actually turn down the street and go to the house. I haven't been in the house since she passed away. I've been trying to psyche myself into going over this weekend. We still need to pack up the house. My mom hasn't been there for too long either. I think it is harder for her than it is me. She really took my Grammy's death the hardest. Still too many unresolved issues with those two. She never got to make her peace with her mother. I made my peace with my Grammy a long time ago. What happened in the past was in the past, can't linger there or it will eat you up. I think it is still eating away at my mom. I just wish I could really talk to my mom about it, but my mom and I never had that kind of relationship. Which is a cycle this family seems to pass on with the women. I think that is why I want a little girl so bad, I want to break that cycle. My mom and I are a lot closer than we used to be, so that is a start.

Anyway, I think that is enough rambling for tonight. I think I am going to pop in and watch Valley Girl again.

"Fuck you! Fuck off, for sure! Like, totally!"