I just can't seem to turn my mind, my thoughts, off at night. For as long as I can remember, I've always had this problem. Even as a child, I would lie in bed at night, my mind just off and wandering from one thought to the next. And to this day, it has not changed. Which is why I took up reading books at a very young age. Books were my salvation to keeping my mind busy on what was in front of me and not what was in my head. Unless it was a really, really, really good book. Then trying to put that sucker down was just not going to happen! I've stayed up many nights until the wee mornings finishing books. But for the most part, if I am tired enough and in need of having to get to sleep, I will pick up a book that I keep unfinished (you know the kind, the one that just doesn't keep you riveted enough to finish the damned thing!), eventually I am tired enough to close my eyes and drift off.
Last night though at around 10:30, I was outside relaxing my mind, reading a new book, smoking a butt. My right ear started ringing really loud, and for quite some time. My current ex-boyfriend (we'll call him Mr. Love) came into my mind real quick. The ringing was persistant, slowly ebbing away. Then all of a sudden I got this really uneasy feeling, I almost felt nauseous, and started breathing a little heavier than normal. It was just an uneasy feeling that Mr. Love was not okay, something wasn't right. Even though we 'supposedly' are still friends (yet I have yet to receive any phone calls from him since we last talked, deciding that we should just be friends. Yea, uh, huh. Friends.) I just didn't want to call him to see if in fact anything was wrong. Instead I tried to push him out of my mind, kept right on reading. It was a bit of a struggle, Mr. Love just would not let go of me. Eventually I was able to continue reading without having to re-read the same few paragraphs on the same damed page after awhile. My eyes were finally tired enough to put the book down and pop in a DVD and fall asleep for the night. Yea, I have to fall asleep with some kind of back ground noise or my mind will continue it's endless cycle of thinking. For the most part, putting in a movie works pretty good (although I have been known to stay up all night doing that too, because my mind just doesn't want to turn itself off). I have those perfect movies for falling alseep to. I love the movies, but they just move a bit slower or are filmed a lot more darker (lighting wise) than the rest. I think just a little after midnight I drifted off into a slumber.
Not enough sleep though, I still woke up very tired. Now with the working out, it's mental tiredness on top of the physical tiredness from the workout the night before. Work was going at it's usual pace today. Didn't have any thoughts of Mr. Love at all. That was until my right ear started ringing really loud and persistanly again, before ebbing away slowly. Okay, I know someone of you are probably wondering what the ringing of my ear has anything to do with anything, right. Well, I can tell when someone is thinking of me or talking about me for a good length of time, my ear will start to ring. Just recently though, I've noticed a difference in what side of me ear rings in regards to who the someone is who's thinking or talking about me. My right ear lately has been reserved for Mr. Love. My right ear doesn't ring as much as my left one does, and my left ear does not ring with as much intensity as my right ear does, when it does go off. And the feelings that I get when it occurs are just so strong and almost heart breaking, that I just know that it is my Mr. Love. Yea, call me crazy. A few of my friends thing I am! I scaring a few of them when I call them after such an incident. When I call they tell me that they were just talking about me to someone, or was just thinking about me. We all have our 'senses', that one is mine. I've got a few others too. However, I won't get into those right now.
I try a lot of things to keep from hearing the ringing in my ears, just so I can have some kind of mental piece and quite. I always have music playing or I always have a DVD playing. However, Mr. Love has no boundries and can always break through at will. His ringing is the only one I can't ignore. The connection between us is still too strong. I have a feeling that it always will. I just know.
Now that I have bored you completely with my crazy talk of ears ringing, I will bid you ado until next time...
I do want to however acknowledge another comment leaver. I want to thank you for interest in my family stories. I've got a many, many more to add in time. And I want to thank you for placing a link on your blog to mine. I am truely touched. If you look to the Fodder list on the right, I too have added you to mine.
Don't you guys have any other better blogs to read than mine! I know I've got a few bloggers that I love reading. They interest me more than my own life does.
So I am off to go sit outside, try and relax a little and read my current book and smoke some butts. Yea, I know... The butts are next in line to be given up. I am only smoking in moderation right now. Yea, I've heard that one before too... :o)
And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" ~Author Unknown
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