Nothing is better than sex. Masturbation is better than nothing. Therefore, masturbation is better than sex.

Since I’ve already made it clear in a previous post that I've been as horny as a three peckered Billy goat, I thought what better topic to write about than masturbation.

Oh! Yeah!

I think what interested me so much about that much information on masturbation, was "Where in the hell was Wikipedia when I was growing up?!" Oh yeah. I was born during The Joy of Sex and More Joy of Sex era (and yes, my mom had both of these books and I found her hiding spot). Oh, and the simple fact that computers and the internet were still years away.



"How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches."

Usually when one hears the word masturbation, you picture a guy with his pecker in his hand, rubbing one out. Yeah, sorry, that picture kind of freaked me out too. Not what I really had pictured in my head either. I had a video of Simon Rex (of MTV fame) that had gone around on the internet in the late 90’s, that has still remained burned into one of the far recesses of my brain, in my head. I can not explain it, but this particular video is one that I will forever remember. He had one of the greatest expressions of a man cumming that I have ever seen. Oh! Yeah!

:::far away look in eyes:::

Oh, sorry. Where was I?

Okay, maybe because I am a woman, I think of a man first. If I was strictly a lesbian woman, I’d probably have pictured this first. Okay, no I wouldn’t of. That picture freaks me out even more than the one of the guy. Okay, truth be told, I would just pop in one of my DVD’s that I have that is just all girl on girl action. Not that I have a lot of porn, but I do have a couple others that have men too. And no, not men on men action. Whoa, that was a flash back to my best friends bachelorette party. Don't ask! In all actuality, I like men and women equally, so it would be a toss up, depending on how I was feeling that day, which sex I would think of first.

Yet masturbation was always something we were told was bad. To touch ones self is a sin. Just imagine how many Alter Boys could have been and could be un-molested if the damned priests would just touch themselves, enjoying it guilt free, instead. Yet, we are the sinners?! If we’re sinnin’, so be it! About 90% of you men have been sinnin’ since the first year of life on earth anyway. Oh yeah, your little pee pee was the first thing you found on yourself as a baby. And if you were anything like my baby brother, you played with that little thing every chance you got! Come to think of it, you guys are still playing with it every chance you can, or trying to get someone to play with it for you!

"If you don't enjoy masturbation, you only have yourself to blame."

Masturbation Positives

• May help to reduce stress and release sexual tension


• May help a person become more comfortable with his or her own sexuality


• Masturbation eliminates the potential for pregnancy or transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.


• Being self-aware of one’s body and sexuality may better prepare him/her for sexual activity with a partner.

"Sex is like anything else; if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself."
Masturbation Negatives

• Frequent and vigorous masturbation may produce skin abrasions or superficial bruising/temporary discoloration.


• Masturbation may become an obsession or addiction.

Masturbating at least 6 times a day, while still at work...Would that be considered an addiction? And would it be considered an obsession now that I know that this web site exists?

Yes, I’ll admit it. I’m not ashamed. I’m a masturbator. I have been since I was in the 5th or 6th grade. I found that little button a long time ago, and have since been reacquainting myself with its pleasurable sensations as often as I can. Hell, I was a virgin until I was 18 (by choice, thank you very much!). How in the hell do you think I was able to remain sane!

Toys of course are purely optional for both sexes. However, I found this and thought what an unusual toy to use sexually. (For those of you that haven't quite figured it out, it's a vibrator.) Then it all made sense! I knew there was a reason why Ernie loved that damned rubber ducky so damned much! Ernie knew something all of us didn’t! I think that dispels the myth of Bert and Ernie. Why in the hell would Ernie need Bert? Ernie’s got his trusty rubber ducky. I mean com'mon, you all seen how happy Ernie was when he had that ducky with him or whenever he started singing about his ducky.


"Rubber Ducky, you're the one.
You make bath time lots of fun
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.
Rubber Ducky, joys of joys
When I squeak you, you make noise
Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!"

You go, Ernie! I think I will never be able think of Ernie in the same way ever again.

Damn, I need a cigarette now...

"If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time."