My Inner Freud

I haven’t seen my ex, Mr. Love, since July of last year at the wedding of some mutual friends. I haven’t talked to him since October, just before he cancelled his cell phone service. Yet that doesn’t seem to stop me from still seeing him in my dreams. Although the dreams about him have been less and less frequent. What it doesn’t stop, though, is how I feel after I wake up. Any dreams I have about him resonate in me, upon waking up, and last for the rest of the damn day. Quite unnerving, really.

It has been, what, almost 2 years now since we have completely broken up. Three years really if you count the year before that when we tried mending what was left of our relationship. You’d think by now I’d be over him, or at least my feelings for him. Then maybe the dreams wouldn’t be so bad after waking from them. Then again, maybe because the dreams are so infrequent now that when I do have them they catch me off guard. Which is just like him, the fucker.

Last night’s dream started off pretty much as they typically do with him, with me showing up at a house where we both have as mutual friends. It’s a party with all the regular friends, getting drunk and just having a good time. Although they partied so hard this time in the dream, that they literally brought the house down all around them. The house was just a foundation of rubble and everyone still standing in the middle of it all partying like nothing happened. Yeah, I dunno. Weird.

Only this time with Mr. Love there was a bit of a twist. In the dream he had moved away and had come back to the party because he knew I’d be there. He was back to come and get me. He was telling me that he had to set himself up and his seaside business going before he could come and get me back. He kept saying how he moved to the beach in Sacramento and set up his ocean business.

I can remember the who time he’s telling me this that there is no damn beach in Sacramento and that there was no way in hell he could set up an ocean side business since there was no ocean in Sacramento. He was so adamant that it was Sacramento; I even kept trying to tell him that was impossible.

He was trying so hard to convince me to come with him, to be with him, live with him there. I finally asked him what made him think that I even wanted to move to Sacramento, what made him think that I’d give up my plans to just up and move to be with him. He had this look of confusion on his face, like why would I even think of not wanting to be with him. Then the dream ended with the confusion and a hurt look on his face.

I heard through the grapevine that Mr. Love was thinking of moving to San Diego, which I can understand why I had him moved in my dream. What I don’t understand is why in the dream I made him so intent that it was Sacramento. Especially since I was so stuck on that, him saying Sacramento, that I kept thinking that he had to have had it confused with San Diego. I even think I said that to him in the dream, but I’m not entirely sure.

What I do remember the most from the dream though are the feelings, the emotions. The way he felt emotionally, kissing me, telling me how much he still loved me, so sure that I’d leave to be with him… The way he made me feel, when he kissed me, telling me how much he loved and missed me...

It doesn’t take a psychologist to analyze that particular part of the dream, the true meaning behind it. I’d be a big fat liar if I said a part of me didn’t want him back, because yeah, a part of me would. Which I know is why I had him feel those emotions so intensely in the dream. But realistically, in the here and now, I know that what we had, whatever it was, is gone. There have been times when I had myself convinced that he never really loved me and times when I believed in my heart of hearts that he still loved me and would want me back some day.

I know, I know. Hopeless! Pathetic even.

I don’t live in this fairytale world, really I don’t. I’m much too sensible for that. I know that what once was, is no longer. I’d be a fool to think otherwise. I do believe that the love we had was genuine but I have since let go of the idea of me and him a long time ago.

It just sucks, when out of the blue, I have my self conscience reminding me that even though as much as I keep telling my heart that I’m over him...that really, I’m not.


“If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t.” ~ Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass

"And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you."

I can't get Maroon 5's Makes Me Wonder out of my head. Then again, it could be because I've been listening to it over and over for the past three hours. I kid you not. I can't help it, I just love the funky beat. It's one of those songs that makes you want to dance, even if it's only in my chair.

This morning before work I went and got my hair cut. Kathi, the woman that cuts my hair, so fucking rocks. We were talking about bands and she asked me if I was going to go to BFD this year. Just last night I looked at the listing of bands that were finally confirmed in the Live 105 e-news letter. Saw a few bands that I wouldn't mind seeing... Social Distortion, Queens of the Stone Age, and The Bravery, and maybe even locals Every Move A Picture...but I didn't plan on going, only because the one person who I know would love to go to this concert with me lives in Massachusetts. Other than her I don't hang out with anyone that listens to this type of music.

After talking with Kathi this morning though, it now looks like I'll be going with her and her husband to BFD. I don't know if I'll be able to make it to Ozzfest this year seeing as it is scheduled during a week day this year, so BFD might end up being the concert of the year for me. Yeah, I know. BFD and Ozzfest....two totally different sides of the spectrum. But that's me. I love just about all music out there. Variety is the spice of life!

Well, I'm off to huff chemicals in the photo lab!

"If I have to come back, I'm bringing a stun gun and a weed whacker."

Did you miss me while I was gone?!

HA! Yeah, right!

Well, it has been one hell of a couple of months! It seems like forever since I was last here. Okay, so it’s been almost 3 months. It’s not like I have this interesting life that everybody wants to read about anyway. Proof of which will now present its self to you all.

In February a co-worker of mine came up to me and asked me if I’d like to go on a photo shoot with her as a second photographer for March 3rd to help her photograph the Marina California Pony Little League. I told her sure, but warned her that I wasn’t all that great. She said that it was pretty straight forward and simple and that she’d provide the camera for me. “Well, okay then. Count me in.” And I was getting paid for it! Sweet!

Since then I have now gone on a total of four Little League shoots, one of which on this past Saturday she sent me out to East Palo Alto to photograph on my own. I go back to EPA on the 12th of this month for the re-take shoot to photograph the kids that missed last week. I took my brother with me on Saturday to help assist me with all the parents, to make sure they had everything filled out and what not while I was photographing the kids. That didn’t quite work out as well as I’d hoped, but it was nice to just have him there with me so I wasn’t alone. I’ll be going it alone on the re-takes.

So yeah, I’m now a “Professional” photographer! HA! A professional faker maybe. But I’m getting paid to take pictures, so it’s not all that bad. The money I’m making with the sports photography I’m putting away towards the Nikon D80 that I’ve been coveting since it first came out. I’m almost $400 dollars closer to it than I was 3 months ago. Woohoo!

Speaking of money, the beginning of last month was the beginning of a nightmare. I had gone to the ATM to take $20 buck out. It was after putting in the $20 for cash wanted that I was greeted with a “Do you still want to take that money out even though you may be overdrawn?” I’m like, “WHAT THE FUCK? What do you mean I’m overdrawn?!” I KNOW I’ve got money in my account, because I haven’t paid my bills yet. I check my bank account on line and sure enough, I see that there was a $502 ATM withdrawal at the B of A main branch in Oakland. MOTHERFUCKER! And on top of that there was $150 worth of over draft fees from me using my debit card everywhere.

What ensued after that was a call to my bank to file a claim for my ATM/debit card being cloned. Then waiting for them to mail me the affidavit to file as well to verify the claim I placed over the phone. All in all it took me a little over 2 weeks to get that $652 credited back into my account. I had called and talked to the girl who actually processed my claim, and apparently in the past couple of months there have been an on going amount of ATM withdrawals from B of A’s all over the place from cloned cards being cloned onto like old hotel card keys. And there was an Albertson’s over here in San Lorenzo that had one of the credit card terminals used at one of the self checkout stands that was swapped with one tracking everyone’s card and PIN numbers who used it, for a month. For a month! Can you imagine all the card numbers they got in a month?! It makes me scared to use my damn card anywhere, as an ATM purchase anyway. Fuckers!

I have also got my own domain name now for my photography. www.teenamariephotography.com for those of you who may be interested. Don’t get too excited though. I haven’t had a whole lot of time to do anything with it except get my host and get a page up that says coming soon, but it’s a nice coming soon page. I used one of my angel photographs, Grieve Not, and used her for my home page and my business cards. My individual project photo lab class will be over in a few weeks, so hopefully I’ll have some time here soon to work on the site. I’m still not entirely sure of how it’s going to look, but I have a general idea of how I want it to look. Whether I can get it that way or not is another story. I’m a little confused how the CoffeeCup html editor that I got and the ftp and all that shit works, but I’ll figure it all out eventually like I usually do. It just takes me a little bit of playing around with it to figure it all out. If not, y’all will be hearing from me asking for help real soon! So be fore warned!

Uuhmmmm, what else…?

I found a really nice cemetery up in Santa Cruz last month. It’s called Evergreen Cemetery and oh is it ever green! It is absolutely beautiful! I must have spent close to 3 hours there just wandering around. From the front it doesn’t look all that big, but if you walk in through the main arch you can see the walkway continues back and up into the mountain side. It is surrounded by evergreen’s (some redwoods) and a whole lot of vegetation and ground cover (ivy, lily-of-the-valley, calla lilies, ferns, etc.). I even happened upon a banana slug which was freaking cool. Yeah, I’m a dork, I admit it. But I’ve never happened upon a banana slug out in the great outdoors other than when I went to Muir Woods and they had one out to show everyone what kind of critters are natural to Muir Woods. I took a lot of pictures with the digital camera, I just haven’t had any real time to sit and go through them all yet. You can be sure that I’ll post quite a few of them once I do…including the banana slug!

I don’t know if any of you remember me talking about the stray cats that like to hang out in my back yard…one in particular is a female cat that is not fixed, naturally! Well, last year she gave birth to a good sized litter, as did another female stray that hangs out in the neighborhood. Because I have a soft spot for cats and didn’t want the mama cats to go hungry I started feeding them, which of course once the babies all got old enough, they too started eating the cat food. Well, out of all the babies from last year there are 4 of them that still hang out in the back yard. Out of the four, two of them are females. And you know what that means… I’ve now got 3 pregnant cats hanging out in the back yard. Just last night I heard babies crying and went to check it out. One of the babies had her babies in the play house, but I think she is a different one than the three that hang around. From the sounds of it she may have 3 or 4 babies. Times that by 4 and I’m going to be having a lot of freaking babies hanging around. I think it time now that after the babies get weaned that I start trapping them and see if maybe get the babies off to the animal shelter for possible adoption depending on how feral they get, and get the mama’s fixed. It just pisses me off that I feel like I’m the one that HAS to do it. I know that if I don’t know one else in the neighborhood will, which really pisses me off because that first mama cat from last year…I know she has to belong to someone. I’m just real glad I keep my two girls in the house. They’re fixed, but I can just imagine the fights they’d get into with all the other cats. That is a vet bill I am happy to see gone.

Speaking of the back yard, now that it’s spring and all the rain…I’ve got one hell of a jungle growing back there. Since I’ve got a free weekend this coming weekend I think it’s going to be spent with the weed whacker. It’s definitely time for a little bit of spring cleaning of the back yard. I haven’t seen one of the Big Guy’s (one of the male strays) lately. I hope I don’t run across him as I’m whacking down the jungle.

Hope this find you all well.

“There is a reason that all things are as they are.” ~ Bram Stoker Dracula

Toy Stories

it's been a while since i've really taken any pictures.

i've been kind of lazy.

but now it's coming down to the wire and i've got 3-4 prints that i have to have turned in the week of feb. 26th.

and you all know what that means.

i have to get my lazy ass out there and make some shots!

so...

with my toy holga 120 in hand, i've hauled my ass out into the abyss that is called the bay area. i figured i had this holga long enough, it was time to test it out. as my instructor says, "a camera that sits at home takes lousy pictures."

when it comes down to the wire, where does teena go in a pinch?

the cemetery, of course!

where else would i go?

i brought the holga with me when i went to vermont back in november, but only used it a hand full of times, so i still had half a roll left. the picture above is from one of those shots. it is the infamous haunted emily's covered bridge in stowe. it was nice to see it on the contact sheet after i developed the roll.

let me tell you...

loading 120 film onto the spools is a bitch! augh!

it took me what seemed like forever and a day just to get that first roll loaded. and i had two more to go! after finally getting that first roll on though, i was able to figure out how to get the other rolls on faster.

i'm just going to have to take more pictures with 120 so i can get in the practice of loading them onto the spools with no problem. i'm even looking into getting a mamiya 645 super. when i told my instructor i was looking to get he asked me why the 645. i said why not, i had to start somewhere. though after talking with him, he's not got me thinking about possibly going with the rb67 instead. i dunno yet. we'll see.

anyway, if all goes right in the darkroom tonight i might have my 3-4 prints done tonight. if not, i've got a 4-day weekend up in ukiah this weekend to get out there and get some more shots.

i'm off to the lab!

What's love got to do with it?

Valentine's Day.

Traditionally the day where lovers express their love for each other.

I never really understood this tradition.

Why should we set aside one day out of the whole year to show our significant other that we love them? Just so we can spend an absurd amount of money to support the economy? (Christmas being the biggest day of all days that defines whether we had a good economical year or not.)

Well, that's just silly!

This is something we should do everyday.

And I don't mean by buying material objects to express the way we feel about our loved one. Anyone can buy 'things' that supposedly says I love you. Saying, "I love you" isn't enough either. Anyone can say it and not mean it. It's their actions, what they do, that really tells you how much they love you.

What does your love do for you?

What do you do for your love?

Do you do this everyday?

It's everyday that counts, not just Valentine's Day.

You all might think I'm just being bitter.

"Bitter...table for one..."

Quite the contrary actually. I'm single and plan to be that way for quite a while. That's my choice. Last year I wouldn't have even fathomed the thought, but I know it's possible that there just might be another man (or woman) out there for me. Until then, I'm just going to take my time and enjoy what life has to offer me, everyday. And I'm going to enjoy all these days with my family and friends...MY loved ones.

Because, it's not just a series of 'one certain days' throughout the year that are special.

It's everyday.

Besides, I don't need Valentine's Day to know that I'm loved.

Harry is right

Little Harry Potter's all grown up, well almost. Though he looks all grown up to me, by the looks of this picture! Not yet 18... Damn! I wanna see what's just down below the bottom of this picture. Is that bad of me to think? I mean com'mon... This picture really doesn't leave much more to the imagination. What I really wanna know is... When does he turn 18!?

Apparently, Daniel is causing quite a stir with this photo and others.

Anyone got roundtrip plane fair to the UK so I can see this play??

And speaking of Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling has finally announced that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the last of the seven installments, will be published July 21. WOOHOO! I can't wait for the new book to come out. Sad though, that this will be last Harry Potter book.

Since I don't have the means to fly to the UK to see Daniel in Equus, I guess I'll have to settle for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix that is supposedly coming out in July as well. After seeing this picture of Daniel though, I'll never be able to look at Harry Potter in the same way. I should be ashamed of myself. Really, I should.

Radcliffe stirs storm with pics for stage strip in `Equus'

Associated Press
2007-01-31

NEW YORK (AP) - "Harry Potter" star Daniel Radcliffe, who strips for his new role in London's West End revival of the play "Equus," has ignited a bit of a media firestorm by posing for racy promotional photos for the production.

The Tony-Award-winning drama tells the story of a stable-hand who has an erotic fixation with horses. In one photo, Radcliffe, 17, dares to bare it all alongside a white horse; in another, he is pictured with a naked Joanna Christie, the actress who portrays his girlfriend.

"Equus," directed by Thea Sharrock, opens at London's Gielgud Theater on Feb. 27. Tony Award-winning actor Richard Griffiths plays a pyschiatrist who treats Radcliffe's character.

"Part of me wants to shake up people's perception of me, just shove me in a blender," Radcliffe said in a recent interview with Newsweek magazine.

"It's a really challenging play, and if I can pull it off _ we don't know if I can yet _ I hope people will stop and think, 'Maybe he can do something other than Harry,'" he said.

Radcliffe, who was discovered seven years ago in the audience of a London theater, reprises his role as the bespectacled boy wizard in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," slated for release July 13.

Phase One

Well, it's not really phase one, per say, cause then that would mean that I've actually set some goals or some sort of resolutions for the New Year. And you all know I refused to jump on the NY Resolution band wagon like so many countless others.

So, what is this so called Phase One that I'm talking about? Well, I decided that it was time to stop smoking, again. I'm hoping that this time will be the last time I wll have to do this. It was pretty stupid of me to start back up again NYE of 2004, specially since I had been smoke free for a little over 3 years, but I did and it was a 2 year downward spiral after that.

Today marks 28 days that I have been smoke free. It's been tough. I'm still craving them little bastards like hell. It's not the nicotine so much that I'm missing though. I'm doing this cold turkey, no patch giving me little doses of nicotine. It's more just the action of smoking a butt, having something to do. I find when I am on the phone is when I really crave them the most. All I have to do is smell someone who has just smoked a butt though and all thoughts of smoking disappear. Although it still doesn't erase the urges to have one.

So now here I am almost a month in of being smoke free, that I now feel about 100 lbs. heavier. Always a drawback. One exchange for another. Old habits die hard. Now it is time to move onto so called Phase Two.

The gym.

Today is the day that I have decided to get my ass back in gear and try to get my ass into shape. I'm setting aside Mon, Wed, and Fri after work for the gym. That leaves me Tues and Thur for my lab nights. I'm hoping this schedule ends up working out.

Here goes nothing!

All Saints Shanty Town

I had heard from some kids that there was a cemetery that was kind of hidden off somewhere over behind Hayward High. The only cemetery that I know of anywhere behind Hayward High is Mt. St. Joseph Cemetery, aka All Saints Cemetery off of Second St. on Walpert. I had asked the kids at the time if All Saints was the cemetery they were talking about, but at the time of the conversation, I got the impression that we were talking about two different cemeteries. So yesterday I dragged my ass out of bed, grabbed my camera gear and headed into Hayward on a mission to find this mystery cemetery.

After driving up and down East Ave and Second St., stopping here and there to take a closer look at the surrounding areas around the school, I finally came to the conclusion that it had to be All Saints. Which was a little disappointing, I was hoping to find another cemetery that was off the beaten path and not on any maps. No such luck.

The first time I had gone to All Saints Cemetery, last year on one of my other cemetery excursions, it had seemed to me that All Saints was a cemetery that was always kept locked. Driving by the cemetery from off of Second St. this time, instead of from off of Mission, I was able to notice that there are actually two sets of gates to the cemetery, and found the one set open that I didn't see the first time. I was excited to finally be able to drive in and look around.

(Yea, cemeteries excite me. If you have been paying any attention to this blog, at all, this should not come as a surprise to you. I did however find that there is a word for someone like me. It's called a taphophile. Ha! Look that one up! I myself have just learned over the weekend what that word meant.)

My excitement dissolved as soon as I stepped out of my car and started walking around. Something just didn't feel right about this cemetery. I normally don't get an uneasy feeling while I'm in cemeteries, which is why I don't mind going on my excursions alone. I actually prefer going alone, but this time I didn't feel like being in this cemetery alone. I wasn't going to let that stop me though. I wanted to take a look around, to walk around the perimeter, which I normally don't feel the need to do, but something about this cemetery made me want to do that.

All Saints' drive way is in a U shape, ending at the other gate that is kept locked. The cemetery itself slopes down towards the bottom of the U, it was here that I stopped and parked. (I didn't even grab any of my cameras as I got out of my car. This was definitely not going to be one of those trips this time.) From there the cemetery has another slope that slopes down to a nice size pathway like along the fence. It was down this way that I headed first, where I noticed a slit in the fence big enough for people to come and go with ease though it. I walked to the opening and noticed a little way ahead a baby stroller with a plastic bag attached to it. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Why in the hell would there be a baby stroller out here, and who in the hell in their right mind would be back here with a baby in the first place?!"

I leaned in a little further forward through the opening in the fence, looking down the path to the right. It was then that I noticed a big red family sized tent that was pitched up. Everything that I saw outside around it led me to conclude that it was definitely being lived in. I didn't see anyone outside it, but I sure in the hell wasn't about to go looking to see if anyone was there. I did wish I had at least brought my digital camera with me though so I could have take pictures. I wanted to look around a little bit more down where I was though, then head back up to my car for the digital. Walking towards the other side of the cemetery along the fence (facing Second St) I noticed two more slits in the fence and more signs of homlessness. On the other side of the fence were two more make shift shanties. I didn't get close enough to see if anyone was in them, hell the fuck no. I did head back up to my car for the digital though. I had to at least take pictures of this.


While I was headed back up to the car I heard another car come into the cemetery. Some man with what looked like 3 kids in the car. They headed up towards the other gate, turned around then drove back out. I think the father spotted the make shift tents along the fence and figured it might not be a good place to have a little family outing. I, however, went to my trunk and got the digital, setting off my car alarm as I did so. It was then that I did see someone come walking over to the fence from where the big red tent was, looking to see who was in the cemetery. This guy ended up keeping an eye on me the whole time I was there. I kept an eye out myself, keeping an eye on him. It was actually quite unnerving knowing I was being watched the whole time I was there. Needless to say, I wasn't able to get back over to where he was to take a picture if the stroller or the tent.

One of the things I quickly noticed about the cemetery was the desecration visible everywhere you looked. Why anyone would go into a cemetery and vandalize it is beyond me. There were a lot of headstones that were knocked over and broken. In one of the trees I saw what looked to be part of a fender or door from a car. Now why in the hell would anyone put a fender/door up in a tree, let alone in a cemetery? I just don't get it.

Fuck was spray painted in blue on one of the trees, along with other verbiage. The same person with the blue spray paint, also spray painted 666 with an upside down cross on the back of one of the tombstones. Over on what was left of another headstone, someone had written all kind of crap with what looked like a blue and black Sharpie.

Seeing all of this just broke my heart.

I would like to go back with my toy 120 Holga camera and get some shots. With the light leaks, I think that cemetery would be perfect for it. I'm not so sure I'd want to go by myself though, which is a first for me. I doubt that any of those people that live on the outside edge of the cemetery would hurt me, but I definitely don't want to take that chance either. I felt uneasy in that cemetery for a reason. This is one time I'm definitely going with my instincts. Better to be safe than sorry.



After I was done at All Saints I headed over to Lone Tree. I'm still not happy with these hands. One of these days I will get a shot that I really like.

The Accidental Tourist

Saturday TinyTima and I drove into The City for a day of adventure. We really didn’t have a plan, though Tiny did want to go shopping down in Chinatown, however little did we know that the day had a plan of its own for us.

We ended up down at Pier 39 amongst all the tourists. It took us forever to make it down the Embarcadero. We found parking with no problem, but at the time that we were headed towards the Pier was the same time that a demonstration was taking place. I’m not sure if it started at Pier 39, while working their way to where ever they ended up, but that is where they were when we got here. It was some kind of abortion protest. From what I saw, there were a lot more Anti-Abortionist’s than Pro Choice people. Personally, I’m Pro Choice. Since this is not a post on that debate, I will leave it at that.

Of course while one is down at the Pier, the viewing of the sea lions is a must. I didn’t even attempt to try and take any pictures from the Pier 39 observation deck they have. It was full of the daily lull of tourists.

After the sea lions we ended up heading towards the Sea Lion Café that overlooks, what else but the sea lions. We were seated quite close to the door and since I was facing the door I was able to watch all the people coming in. About 10 minutes after we got there I noticed this young guy with dark hair blue eyes. He ended up being seated at the table next to us, behind Tiny. Tiny had over heard him ordering, hearing is accent, she turned around asking where he was from. He told her he was from Poland. Tiny though didn’t hear what he said (she has a little bit of a hearing problem!) thought he said Colon. After I was done laughing my ass off I had to tell her, “No you crack head. He said Poland!” After all the laughing was done she turned back around and asked him if he wanted to join us at our table asking if he was here alone, which he accepted.

We introduced ourselves, though when he said his name I asked him to spell it for me, writing it on the table as he did so. (The Sea Lion Café cover their tables with white paper and have a glass of crayons for the children to keep themselves busy. I was drawing a cemetery scene when we asked him over.) His name was Wojtak, 26, from Poland, living in Vienna. Turns out this guy already has his PhD in like micro-biology, or some shit like that. He was down in Ventura, Ca earlier in the week for some convention. He figured since he was here he’d make a vacation out of it and came up to San Francisco.

I can’t even remember all of what we talked about, we talked about so many things about here and back in Europe. He spoke English very well and understood it pretty good too, specially since we Californian’s speak a slang all our own, he understood it all. We were sitting for so long just talkin that we ended up being the last people in the café to leave; it had closed early for a personal party.

The three of us ventured back to the front of the Pier where he was going to head back towards downtown, where he was staying. Tiny and I really had no other plans, I mentioned going to the beach, to the Cliff House and asked if he’d like to join us. Accepting we headed back to the car. It was while he was getting into the car with us that Tiny remarked about didn’t his mother ever teach him not to get into cars with stranger’s, which he laughed at. I had to admit, Tiny had a point. Then again, we were pretty much guilty of the same thing. After voicing that we though it was a safe bet to assume that we were all safe from each other, we headed towards the Cliff House.

Now it has been at least 2-3 years since I’ve last been to the Cliff House, but I didn’t expect to see what I saw. I was completely disappointed. What I was seeing was not the Cliff House that I had described to Wojtak earlier at the café. They had re-modeled the place! And to top it all off… They also got rid of the penny arcade that was down below on the observation deck! Augh, the nerve! I tried to explain to Wojtak what the place used to look like, but I know there was no way he could imagine what I was trying to describe. It was after he went inside to use the restroom that he said he saw what I had meant. He had seem a pictures that they have displayed showing what the Cliff House used to look like it it’s hey day, then again after the fire.



After getting some pretty good sunset shots we headed down to the beach. Tiny ended up breaking free from us and went off on her own. Wojtak and I just ended up walking down the beach talking and looking to see if we could find at least one sand dollar that was still whole, after explaining to him what a sand dollar was and what it looked like.

Eventually we walked back towards Tiny, then back up to the car. Stopping mid way up, looking down below at the Sutro Bath ruins. Showing him the places down below where there were caves, which ones were still accessible and which ones were closed. Briefly told him the story of how my uncle had to be rescued from one of the caves back when he was 13. Then explained to him why most of the other caves where now off limits and not accessible anymore. After that we made our way up to the car and headed back down into downtown to drop him off near the hostel.

In a nutshell, that is how I spent Saturday being a local tourist in The City. You are probably wondering if I got Wojtak’s e-mail address or something, to maybe keep in contact with. Nope. Saturday was just one of those random days that something awesome happens to you, which you can look back on one day and remember with a smile.

Saturday, was definitely one of those days.

Risks

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

No, really... I am!

I finally got my poor car back this morning.

And she RUNS!

I've missed my car!

Today is truly a bee-ut-i-ful day!

I shouldn't have gotten out of bed!

This morning I go out to warm up my brother’s piece of shit ghetto car. It won’t start. It was so cold during the night that it drained the fucking battery. Just great.

So, I call my uncle up, but before I can get a word out he tells me he was going to call me this morning. Good news: he found out what was wrong with my car. The bad news: he can’t fix it; I’ll have to take it to the VW dealership. (I’ve been trying to do that for the past MONTH! But “Oh, no! I can fix it.” Since June of 2006 wouldn’t let me!) “Oh. Okay. Great.” I tell him, “Because now I can’t start my brother’s piece of shit!” He tells me I’ll be right over to jump you.

While I’m waiting for him to come over I call into work, again (I called in sick yesterday) and tell them I’m having car troubles and that I might not make it in today. Then I find the phone number for the VW dealership in Hayward; make an appointment to have my car dropped off today, via tow truck.

Finally my uncle shows up and jumps me and gets the ghetto-mobile started. I head to the gas station (leaving the car running) and put in some petrol. Head over to my Grammy’s where my car has been busy being lawn art, and call AAA to come and tow me (yep, car is still left on, running). Tow truck came within 10-15 minutes, YES! Got the bitch all hooked up and on her way to the dealership.

After finally leaving the dealership I head to Starbucks. I have yet to have my morning coffee. I get a call from my uncle though, asking me if I’m missing any keys.

“No.”

“Then whose keys are these in the door?”

“Shit! Mine.”

“Where are you now?”

“Heading to work.”

“Okay, I’m headed into Hayward this morning. I’ll drop them off to you there.”

“Okay, thanks.”


Oh, and about 4 hours ago my meds wore off and I’m feel like fucking SHIT! I forgot to throw some meds in my purse when I left this morning.

That conversation above? That was at about 9:30 this morning. It’s now after 5 o’clock and I’m still waiting for my uncle to drop off my keys.

Hell, I didn’t even plan on coming into work today. I just kinda ended up here.

A Grandmother's Love

Grandmother hugs and Grandmother kisses,

Hot oven cookies and holiday wishes,
Attics with treasures of children grown old,
Stories of magic and princes so bold,
Oceans of patience and rainbows of love,
A bright ray of sunshine sent from above,
You stirred my childhood with rich, golden days,
Touching my life in so many ways.
When shadows are dark,
I reach through the night,
The love of a Grandmother shines like a light.
~Unknown

A year ago this morning I lost the one woman who meant the world to me, my Grammy. When most babies were bonding with their mother I was bonding with my Grammy. My mother was a very young girl when she had me, so growing up; my Grammy was my mother up until I was 4.

My Grammy taught me how to sew, knit, and crochet all by the time I was 5. I even remember having my own tin of various colored threads, needles, and swatches of fabric so I could make clothes for my little Dawn dolls. Dawn dolls...geez. How many of you out there remember those?!

My Grammy gave me a love for books. Every week she and I walked up town to the main library. I'd come back with stacks those little green Beatrix Potter books. Gawd, how I loved those books and how I always looked forward to going to the library.

My Grammy also gave me a love for the Greek. Every year she would take me to the annual Greek Festival, when it was still held in downtown Oakland at the Henry J. Kaiser Convention Center. I loved all the different foods and breads. What I enjoyed even more was watching the dancing. I'd never seen anything like it.

There are so many things that remind me of my Grammy. Even though she is gone, I know she is still all around me in all the things that I see and do. I miss her like crazy but I know she is happier where she is now and I know... She is never far away...

2006 Retrospect

Unlike last year where I actually had a list of some things that I wanted to accomplish in 2006, this year I figured my aim would be nothing. After all, as the saying goes, "If you aim at nothing, you're bound to hit it every time." Yeah sure, we all set some kind of resolution(s) for the New Year. But how many of them do we actually reach? Well, let's take a look back to last year's, shall we...

1. Quite Smoking, again!
I did attempt this one several times over the year. In the end I always fell back on the motto, "Quitting is for quitters. I'm not a quitter." A lame ass excuse I know.
2. Lose about 50 lbs. (Okay, not really. I thought if I set the bar really high that if I didn't reach my goal at least I won't be disappointed.)
Yeah, uhm... We won't talk about this one.
3. Get my life back in order and out of debt.
I don't know what kind of order I was aiming for really, and as for the out of debt part... I think I am in a bigger hole now than I was then.
4. Get laid.
Okay this one I actually accomplished, not once, not twice, but three whole times! Was it worth it each time? Absolutely...not! I’ll get to that later though.
5. Get laid as much as possible!
Uhm, yeah…after the last few times, I thought it best to just leave things alone. It was a nice sentiment, but one that I knew was not realistic.


So after last years list of good intentions I decided it was best to just forego the New Year’s resolution shtick. After all, I do a good job on my own fucking up my life. Making New Year’s resolutions is just asking for Murphy’s Law to intervene. Now with that said, let’s take a moment to look back on some of those 2006 highlights, known as my life.

A week into the New Year my car needed fixing, again. This time I think it was the catalytic converter. Then, a year ago tomorrow actually, my Grammy passed away. January was already starting on the wrong foot.

February – Another death, this time Wenchy’s grandfather. Apparently I was also tried to quit smoking this month. Had the weirdest dream about Paris Hilton. Acquired a film SLR camera that I dropped, but this is when I really started to take my photography seriously.

Come June I had gone to a few concerts…Live, the Zumie Couch Tour,and BFD. By the end of the month though, my car took a shit on me. Well, more like died on me. Which resulted in me having to drive the Ghetto Convertible, having to rent a car to attend my friends wedding, and ended up fucking one of my ex-boyfriend’s not once, but twice. Somewhere in there I also fucked my old Boy Toy, who was also getting married in July too. I was being quite the slut. I ended up having one of the weirdest dreams to date that had a message because of it.

In August I turned 38. I still don’t know when I got to be 38. Time is just whizzing on by. I did buy myself the greatest birthday gift though. I registered for my first photography class and learned how to develop my own film (black & white) and my own prints. Fell in love with black & white photography all over again.

October brought the shocking death of Zenn. It’s been 3 months and I still can’t get over the fact that he is no longer with us. What still pisses me off about the whole thing is that it’s been 3 months and, as far as I know, the guys who were responsible for his death are still roaming the streets free. It saddens me to think that Zenn’s murder is going to be just another statistic.

I finally made it out to Vermont/Massachusetts for my yearly East coast vacation on Thanksgiving Day. I was hoping to visit with Drew while Erin and I were in Burlington, but that never fucking happened. I don’t know what was up Drew’s ass this time, but it was quite obvious he was avoiding me. Drew knew that I was coming out, but when I was there he wouldn’t return any of my calls the first night I was there. This isn’t the first time he’s pulled this shit, but it’s the last time I try and plan anything involving plans to visit with him. My new motto for Drew…Fuck ‘em! The one good thing that did come from my visit to Vermont was the picture I caught of Erin swinging on the swing set in her cousin's park.

I ended the year with the end of my photography class. I was told by my instructor that I’ve got talent. I told him that he probably tells that to all of his students, but that I’d like to think that I’ve got some kind of talent or I’m just wasting my time and money. He told me that I just need someone to give me a kick in the ass once in a while, which he is completely right about. But I completed the class with an A, which means a lot to me. I worked my ass off, with a little bit of laziness, but totally moved my ass to make it all up.

-----------------------------------------------

So now we’re 8 days into the New Year. My car is still not running and I’m still driving around in the ghetto’vertible. I think the transmission is starting to take a shit in that car. Nice.

I’m 7 days smoke free, haven’t had a cigarette since New Years Day. I’m doing it cold turkey. This weekend was pretty ruff, but I held out, fought the urge to buy a pack.

Next week my next photography class starts. I’m excited and looking forward to that. I can’t wait to get back into the dark room.

I’m just going to sit back and let 2007 come one day at a time. I can’t look into the future; I can only see what is in front of me today.

I (heart) Justin Timberlake

Okay, so most of you probably have seen the censored version when it aired. I, however, don't watch TV, nor do I watch SNL. So, it's when things like this get posted to YouTube that I finally see them. I ran across this sketch last week and just about died. It's little stunts like this one that makes me just (heart) Justin Timberlake to death. I will even go so far as to admit that I even like "Sexyback". Yeah, I do. As a matter of fact I'm listening to it now and you know my ass is dancing my ass off in my chair. Yeah, whatever! You know you chair dance too, so don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talkin'bout.

All dressed up, ready for work

Lately I’ve been sleeping through my alarm in the morning. I have it set to go off to a local radio morning show, Sarah and No Name. You wouldn’t believe the strange dreams I have from listening to them subconsciously while I am still slumbering. Those are some fucking odd ass dreams, let me tell you. But anyway, moving a long. I eventually end up waking up, with plenty of time to get my ass out of bed and get to work on time.

Only this is not how any of my mornings have been going for the past few months. I’m now usually anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes late. I lay in bed listening to Sarah and No Name talking about whatever random shit happens to be on their minds that morning, or to which ever guest they have on and falling back asleep. Yeah, I know. I’m a fucking lazy bitch in the morning. I’m a night person, if you couldn’t tell just now. Getting up in the morning is a chore for me that usually involves the hitting of the snooze button, several times, if I actually wake up with the alarm going off.

This morning was no different, only without the odd Sarah & No Name dream. I think I finally got my ass out of bed at 8:30. I’m supposed to be at work by 9. Well, actually by 7, but as long as I get there by 9 I can still put my 8 hours in for the day. Whatever. Keep your comments to yourself. If you could get away with it, you’d do the same thing!

So it’s a sure bet that I’m going to be late this morning, but that doesn’t make me get up any faster. I just remembered that my boss is out of the office and will not be back until after the New Year. I do eventually get my ass in the shower, clothed, and then off to work. After a pit stop at Starbucks for 2 iced vente quad soy carmel macchiato’s. I was going to need all the help I could get today.

I finally pulled into work about 9:30.

But something looks a little off. There’s only one fucking car in the whole parking lot! The CFO’s car.

What the…???

I even drive to the back parking lot where all the production people park.

No cars.

Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!

Fancy that, eh. Today was a holiday because of Christmas being on Monday. And I had no fucking clue!

Yeah...'Cause I'm special like that!

Well, since I was up and out of the house, I might as well go and run them errands that I was too lazy to do over the weekend. So I headed to Wal-Mart and picked up all the things I needed. Then I came home and finally balanced my checkbook (I had a month of receipts in my wallet) and paid some of my bills that needed immediate attention. I liked it better when my checkbook looked like I had thousands of dollars, but whatever. Such an eventful day!

So that was how my day started today, and since I ran across a survey called The Soundtrack To Your Life, I figured what the hell! I might as well fill it out and see just what my life’s soundtrack would sound like. It works like this: You put your iPod, iTunes, WinAmp, or whatever mp3 player you use on your computer to shuffle, random, or whatever your setting is…filling out the list from top to bottom. Fill out the first one, hit next on your player filling in the next song, and so on, without skipping over any songs! You might get a song that you’re like, “How in the hell did that song get on there?!” Tough, list it!

Opening Credits:
Naked Eye – Luscious Jackson

Waking Up:
Hungry – Dave Navarro
(Usually I wake up having to piss like a racehorse.)

Average Day:
I Ran (So Far Away) – Flock of Seagulls
(And when it turns on you, run!)

First Kiss:
Lips Like Sugar - Echo & the Bunnymen
(You know it, baby! I've got sugar kisses!)

First Date:
No Fear – The Rasmus
(Cause I’m fearless like that!)

Falling In Love:
When I’m With You – Sheriff
(LMAO, see I told ya, I’ve got some random ass shit on my iPod)

Fight Scene:
The Trance Is The Motion – Static-X

Breaking Up:
Down With The Clown – Insane Clown Posse
(Funny, this band is one of my ex’s favorite bands.)

Getting Back Together:
Hand of Death (Burn Baby Burn) – Rob Zombie
(I don't thing getting back together was such a good idea...)

Secret Love:
Sona – Dreamcatcher
(another random ass song, but fitting atually)

Life’s Okay:
Shaky Puddin’ – Soledad Brothers
(LOL, right on!)

Mental Breakdown:
Knives – Fuel
(Hide the cutlery!)

Driving Scene:
Mr. Crowley - Ozzy
(I'm on my way to talk to the dead.)

Lesson Learned:
Psycho – System Of A Down
(interesting…I wonder what they are trying to tell me…lol)

Deep Thought:
The Happiest Days of Our Lives – Pink Floyd
(well, I always had the deepest thoughts when I was stoned.)

Flashback:
King Nothing – Metallica
(Pretty much my life so far…)

Partying With Friends:
Revenge – System Of A Down
(Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.)

Running into an Old Flame:
Numb - Drowning Pool

Happy Dance:
Therapy – Ozzy
(Wow, this a different kind of song for The Ozman. Kinda funky, but it works!)

Regretting:
This Is The Day – The The
(How fitting.)

Long Night Alone:
I Drove All Night [Hex Hector Remix] – Celine Dion
(I drove all night to get to you…)

Death Scene:
Working Class Hero – Ozzy
(No meaning of the word retirement for me.)

Closing Credits:
Come Alive – Criss Angel
(Apparently it was all just an illusion…)

What's your soundtrack?

Holly Daze

As a kid I used to love this day. What kid wouldn't? It was the one day out of the year that a big jolly man named Santa Claus came down the chimney and left presents. At least that is what we were led to believe, until we got old enough to know that it was actually our parents that bought them. I think like most kids I was probably somewhere around the age of 8 when I stopped believing in Santa. Of course, that didn't mean I was going to pass on the one day out of the year I was going to get presents, and it wasn't even my birthday.

I'm not sure when I became disenchanted with the whole holiday. It's not that I'm Ebenezer Scrooge about the whole thing. Though this year I'm sure that my niece and nephew would say that I was. This is the first year that I have not bought a single present. For anyone. It was a few years ago that I only bought presents for the kids. Only now all the kids have all grown up, from my baby brother all the way down to my niece. All are now respectively 20, 17, and 13.

I just feel that this holiday is a day that has turned into such a commercialized franchise. Not to mention a very tacky holiday. Every where you drive you see all these gaudy lawn ornaments. I drove by one house that had one of those blow up plastic jobs of Santa lying in a hammock in between two palm trees. And I haven't forgotten to mention all those houses (sometimes the whole friggin' block!) that are covered in so many lights that you can see them from outer space. Com'mon now. Is all that shit really necessary?

I'm not a religious person, so I'm not even going to go there. There are just too many religions out there and I'm not even going to try and pretend that I know anything about any of their beliefs. From a religious stand point, today means many different things to them. So, I'm not even going to go there. All I know is, from the time that I can remember; I was taught that today marks the traditional birth date of Jesus (even though it is unknown exactly when or why December 25 became associated with Jesus' birth). This is what I grew up believing as a child, along with Santa.

So just what does today mean to me, the day that has been dubbed as Christmas? Well, for me, today is a day just like any other day, except I don't have to go to work. Popular Christmas themes include the promotion of goodwill, giving, compassion, and quality family time. Which if you ask me, why? Shouldn't every day be a day of goodwill, giving, compassion, and family time? Shouldn't every day be a day that we show goodwill and compassion towards everyone, regardless if they are someone who is well off or less fortunate? Giving should be from the heart and not because we feel that we have to, or that some holiday dictates us to do so.

The same thing with family, every day should be a day to spend quality time with family as well. But if you ask me, today is a day that a good majority of people are dreading having to spend time with their family or their spouses family and glad to be back home when it's all over. Just ask anyone you know. I bet you'll find at least one of them that will have a story for you about all the drama of their day spent with family.

I dunno, maybe I'm just feeling the loss of my Grammy. This is the first Christmas without her here. Not that we really celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense these days, but we always had a dinner of sort and Grammy was always with us. Our family has dwindled down to just me, my brother, my mom, and my uncle. Only my uncle is still away for a spell, so it's just the three of us.

All I do know is that I miss my Grammy.

To modify, or not to modify

For years my kid brother has been saying that he wanted to get his eyebrow pierced. Before he was 18 our mom wouldn't consent the piercing. I tried to convience him that he didn't need to have mom's consent, I could easily sign the consent form. Being the mama's boy that he is though, I couldn't get him to do it.

After he turned 18 though, I have no idea what was keeping him from doing it. Scared maybe? Afraid it was going to hurt too much? Who the hell knows! All I do know is that today he finally stepped up to the plate, and did it. Of course, when he told me that he was actually going to Zebra's to day to do it, I had to tag along with him. Not only because I was his big sis and wanted to be there when he got his first piercing, but so I can document as well. After all, what are big sisters for, if not to capture moments in time to embarrass you with later in life!

So my baby brother, his friend Jus and his girlfriend Sam, and I all piled into the car and headed into Berkeley. I with my camera loaded with black & while film in hand and Sam with my digital camera in video mode in hers. As much as my brother was nervous about getting it done, it was over in seconds. And now with the beauty of technology and the internet, that moment in time is available for replay. 'Cause I'm cool like that.

Yeah, I know. He'll thank me later for it. Like I said. What are big sisters for?!

The Piercing

Vermont & The end of Photo 50

Last night was the last night of my Photo 50 class. Let me tell you, this crew is one of the craziest! There was never a dull moment in class or in the lab. This was one of the best classes, ever! Oh, and the instructor rocked too. Seriously, our instructor, Len Cook, was one of the funniest and coolest ever.

One of the best things I got out of this class? The friendships I made with my classmates and some of the other photo students that I met in the lab. Taking this class I was able to meet some of the coolest people and gained a few photography buddies. If it wasn't for this class, I wouldn't have made the new friendships that I have.

One of the other things I learned from this class? Photographers are the weirdest bunch of people I have ever met! Yes, will fit in just fine with the lot of them. Really the coolest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Deep down inside, they are all just a bunch of photo nerds, and I am proud to say that I too, am a photo nerd!

I have to say that the photo lab was the most kick ass part of taking this photography class. There is nothing like developing your own film and pictures. Walking into the lab, the smell of the chemicals the first thing to greet you...nothing else like it. You sure in the hell don't get that from digital. Nor can you capture that true black & white on digital. Then again I have yet to find editing software that can produce the same grain as black & white film. I have run across Alien Skin Software who has an extension pack for Photoshop called Exposure for $199 that is supposed to reproduce realistic film grain. I just haven't had the money yet to buy it and see if it does.

One of the things that we didn't end up covering in the class was how to mount our photos to matte boards. However, I wanted to learn how to do it on my own. All together I mounted about 4 pictures. These are the last pictures that I printed in the lab.

Got Pork?
Washington, Vermont

First let me just say that I know that the matte board border looks gray. I had to scan these mounted prints. The matte board itself is 11x14, while my scanner bed is only about 9x14. Therefore, the gray is the result of scanner shadowing from the the scanner bed being to small.

I ran across these pigs while I was taking pictures of the photo below. There were some chickens in the front yard of the next house on the road. I watched them cross the road to this little make shift barn yard, I guess you could call it that. I first saw a few turkey's just chillin', so much so that I was able to get in the face of one of them to take a picture and it just stayed there. I then noticed these pigs in two separate pens. The big guy on the bottom was in a pen with one other pig just a huge, and all the little piglets were in the pen next to them. Let me tell you, they were so happy to see me, as you can see by the one piglet climbing on all the other piglets. In their mind I'm sure what they were thinking were, "A human. Food! Feed us, feed us, feed us!" Erin was afraid that someone was going to come out of the junk yard house across the street and shoot us. We were there quite a while, enough time for me to re-load to get more shots of the pigs. I had to reassure her that if someone was going to come out and shoot us they would have already. I was laughing so hard taking these pictures of the pigs. I just thought it was great.

Fixer-Upper 1.5 Mil. Could Be you!
Washington, Vermont

Every time we're driving down the road where this house is, I always make Erin stop so I can take pictures of it. I'm surprised that out of the past 6 years, or so, that this house is still somewhat standing. If you can call it standing. The garage, which you see, is the only part of this whole house that hasn't started to fall apart. Then again, the garage is not attached to the house, which is probably why it still is standing. Part of the second story of the house itself has fallen into the first floor, as it has been the last few times I've seen it. One of these years I'll find this house completely sunken into or torn down.

The Old Mill
Barre, Vermont

I can't remember where exactly in Barre this was taken. It's located on the Corner of Main St and ??. I'm not even sure if it used to be a mill, but that it was it kind of looks like to me. Railroad tracks run in front of the building that faces Main St, with a little train trestle to the right as your are facing the building. I liked the way this abandoned building and how the river runs behind it. I took a lot of pictures of the front and back, but liked how this particular picture looked.

Across the way from the front of this mill, along the railroad tracks, is an alley. Erin and I noticed a bunch of vagrants down the alley. They had noticed me taking pictures and started yelling obscenities at me. One man in particular was getting very vulgar with me. As I was walking back to the car he was cussing at me, making hand gestures, then at one point proceeded to take his dick out of his pants and flap it around at me. I'm guessing he was telling me to suck his dick...LOL.

When I got back to the car I had a déjà vu of that entire scene that just unfolded. Yet, I know that this particular event has never happened to me before any other time I have been in Barre. I told Erin that in my déjà vu I ended up setting up my camera with my telephoto lens, going back to the alley opening and taking a picture of all the vagrants down that alley. I knew this is what I was going to do even before I did it. You're all probably thinking that I thought of doing that which is why I did it. But I really had no plans of taking the vagrants picture until I had that déjà vu and saw the scene play itself out. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you out there, but this was the first time that I knew what I was going to do next before it even happened. Usually it's not until after the entire scene plays out that I have the déjà vu and go, "Whoa! That just happened like I saw it before in another time." I've never had a déjà vu before where the scene played itself out before that particular moment passed, until then. It was a bit surreal really. I know I didn't explain it quite right. Let me just say that, for me, a déjà vu is how I know that everything that I have done is what I was supposed to do in my life. I can't explain it any better than that. You probably think I'm out of my mind, and you'd be right. I never said I wasn't weird!

So there are a few pictures from my trip to Vermont last month, along with the end of my Photo 50 class. Next month I'll start Photo 51 which is an Individual Project class. The next class after Photo 50 is Photo 60, but it will not be available until next Fall. In the mean time I want to still be able to go into the lab, so I thought I'd take Photo 51. Now I just need to figure out what one project I want to concentrate for the next class. I was thinking of concentrating on my cemeteries, trying new ways to photograph them, but I want to try something different than my ol' stand by. I dunno, maybe street photography, or night... I've got until the 15th to figure it out.

Ghost of Angel's

A year ago today a fire took the lives of four children and an adult. My friend, Erin, two cousin's, Christa (8) and Mikayla (6), were among the casualties of that tragic mid-December fire that seriously injured their father, Arthur Foster Jr., and claimed the lives of his second wife, Kimberly Stoltz-Foster, and her own young children, Brett and Tory Stoltz.

During the summer of this year, Barre Town, Vermont redeveloped and dedicated a park in the girl's name. While I was in Barre last month E took me to see the park. One of my assignments that I had was to capture the illusion of motion. An easy task, but one for me that was becoming difficult.

Everytime I'd go to develop the roll with this assignment on it, something would make me completely fuck up the process and I'd end up with nothing on the roll. This happened not only once, but twice!

By the time I went to Vermont, this assignment was already about 5-6 weeks past due. It was while Erin and I were at Christa & Mikayla's park that I was finally able to capture this assignment.

Erin was swinging on the swing while I was busy taken pictures of other parts of the park. It was when I finally turned around and saw her swinging that I finally saw my illusion of motion that I was supposed to capture...Erin swinging on the swing in the park that was dedicated in her cousin's name.

This picture is dedicated to Christa & Mikayla.