Question of Lust?

My mind has just been all over the fucking place since seeing Hank Saturday. What the hell?!?

I have also been hornier that a ten peckered Billy goat since then too.

Am I only thinking of him because of that? I’ve always been attracted to him. I mean com’mon! Why else would I play the flirting game with him? And there has always been a part of me that has always wondered what it would be like to have sex with him.

But am I having all these thoughts only because I haven’t had any physical contact with a man in over 6 months? Then here comes Hank and he is pushing all of the right buttons. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt alive again. And damn it! It feels good!

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I wasn’t ready for this I wouldn’t be thinking all these thoughts I’ve had. Yeah, I’ve had my doubts. But that is pretty normal for me. Letting men in is a hard thing that I am still dealing with. I just don’t fucking trust them. Most of them are just all full of bullshit. Although I am pretty good at seeing right through all the bullshit.

I still don’t know if he is going to meet me in Ukiah this weekend or not. I have a feeling that this weekend is just not going to happen with him. The week is still young, so who knows.

But I still have my doubts. Oh well. If it does, it does. If it doesn’t, I will still have a good time up at my Wenchy’s regardless.