This week has just been one of those weeks. I haven’t really been here, mentally. The entire week melancholy has permeated my whole being. Factor in being tired from not getting enough sleep and the Blood Moon coming into fullness on Monday, I’m surprised that my emotions have not been thrown completely into over-drive. Seeing as the Blood Moon is the time of ritual to remember those that have passed on and to give them offerings, I’m in more of a thoughtful place of mind of remembrance than one of down right despair.
I’ll admit it. I’ve been thinking about Mr. Love a lot lately. I guess I’ve been processing those thoughts of our relationship as a death. When you think about it, the comparison is just the same. I still feel connected to him, I can still ‘feel’ him. After all, when a loved one passes on, we are still connected them in every sense. We can feel them touch us, talk to us and even see them. I can still feel this from Mr. Love, I can’t see him or feel him touch me, but I can hear him talking to me all the time. Which is why I am constantly playing music. Whether it be here at work, in my car or at home. Here at work I’ve got the head phones which are perfect for drowning out any of the voices that may be in my head. In the car, I turn my music up as loud as I can stand it. At home I either got the TV on, on whatever is usually on MTV, VH1, A&E or a DVD, or I’ll sit in front of my lap top with the stereo going. Although this week Mr. Love has managed to break through all of the noise, which really throws my equilibrium off quite a bit and makes me feel somewhat dizzy and almost like I could pass out. It’s a weird feeling and a little hard to explain it.
Yes, I know. I’m weird. My really close friends are all used to it. It’s just me being me to them. However, for a stranger…yes, I am quite strange. I’ve been this way all my life. Either you learn to deal with it, or try to ignore it. I don’t think ignoring what you have is a good thing to do, cause it is a part of you and it will return. And when it does, you think it was hard to deal with before, it’s going to come back and hit you 10 fold. I’d rather deal with it now than to have it hit me down the road in 30 years. That would be enough to make anyone think that they are truly going crazy.
So, Mr. Love has been whispering sweet nothings into my ear… I’ve been tired as all hell and have had no energy (working out has been quite a chore this week!)… The Blood Moon will be full on Monday… Physically I’m here, but mentally I'm off wandering in Wonderland… I’m almost beginning to believe what the Cheshire Cat is telling me is real.
I’ll admit it. I’ve been thinking about Mr. Love a lot lately. I guess I’ve been processing those thoughts of our relationship as a death. When you think about it, the comparison is just the same. I still feel connected to him, I can still ‘feel’ him. After all, when a loved one passes on, we are still connected them in every sense. We can feel them touch us, talk to us and even see them. I can still feel this from Mr. Love, I can’t see him or feel him touch me, but I can hear him talking to me all the time. Which is why I am constantly playing music. Whether it be here at work, in my car or at home. Here at work I’ve got the head phones which are perfect for drowning out any of the voices that may be in my head. In the car, I turn my music up as loud as I can stand it. At home I either got the TV on, on whatever is usually on MTV, VH1, A&E or a DVD, or I’ll sit in front of my lap top with the stereo going. Although this week Mr. Love has managed to break through all of the noise, which really throws my equilibrium off quite a bit and makes me feel somewhat dizzy and almost like I could pass out. It’s a weird feeling and a little hard to explain it.
Yes, I know. I’m weird. My really close friends are all used to it. It’s just me being me to them. However, for a stranger…yes, I am quite strange. I’ve been this way all my life. Either you learn to deal with it, or try to ignore it. I don’t think ignoring what you have is a good thing to do, cause it is a part of you and it will return. And when it does, you think it was hard to deal with before, it’s going to come back and hit you 10 fold. I’d rather deal with it now than to have it hit me down the road in 30 years. That would be enough to make anyone think that they are truly going crazy.
So, Mr. Love has been whispering sweet nothings into my ear… I’ve been tired as all hell and have had no energy (working out has been quite a chore this week!)… The Blood Moon will be full on Monday… Physically I’m here, but mentally I'm off wandering in Wonderland… I’m almost beginning to believe what the Cheshire Cat is telling me is real. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
No comments:
Post a Comment